My brother’s wife is having an affair....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not that this will make him feel better, but if it's been the status quo for 3+ years, she loves him enough to want to stay married and not hurt him. She's just getting some need fulfilled that he couldn't provide.

She is not fulfilling something that he can't.

She needs something fulfilled but it something only a trained therapist can't help her with. In the meantime, the affair is just like a toddler acting out.

Oh, please. Are you a psychotherapist specializing in sexual matters? No? The your opinion doesn’t mean shit.

NP here. As somebody who has a long-term affair, I was kind of like a toddler acting out. My Dh certainly could have provided what I was getting from AP, but I didn't want to let him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men rarely forgive. Sexual infidelity is a huge dealbreaker for men and the percentage of men who forgive is very low. It hits guys to the core. He will most likely divorce, just support him.

Men forgive in certain circumstances. But if she was having sex with him and then sex with the Affair person it will kill him. If she did stuff with the affair person she didn’t do with him, like oral or anal, it will be hard to forgive..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not that this will make him feel better, but if it's been the status quo for 3+ years, she loves him enough to want to stay married and not hurt him. She's just getting some need fulfilled that he couldn't provide.

She is not fulfilling something that he can't.

She needs something fulfilled but it something only a trained therapist can't help her with. In the meantime, the affair is just like a toddler acting out.

Oh, please. Are you a psychotherapist specializing in sexual matters? No? The your opinion doesn’t mean shit.

NP here. As somebody who has a long-term affair, I was kind of like a toddler acting out. My Dh certainly could have provided what I was getting from AP, but I didn't want to let him.

I was in a long term affair and my wife stopped having sex with me for a year before I sought out someone else. I complained, told her I wanted it. She never been complimented me etc. and belittled me constantly. We are now trying to rekindle our relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not that this will make him feel better, but if it's been the status quo for 3+ years, she loves him enough to want to stay married and not hurt him. She's just getting some need fulfilled that he couldn't provide.

She is not fulfilling something that he can't.

She needs something fulfilled but it something only a trained therapist can't help her with. In the meantime, the affair is just like a toddler acting out.

Oh, please. Are you a psychotherapist specializing in sexual matters? No? The your opinion doesn’t mean shit.

NP here. As somebody who has a long-term affair, I was kind of like a toddler acting out. My Dh certainly could have provided what I was getting from AP, but I didn't want to let him.

I was in a long term affair and my wife stopped having sex with me for a year before I sought out someone else. I complained, told her I wanted it. She never been complimented me etc. and belittled me constantly. We are now trying to rekindle our relationship

Why the heck you people didn't just get a divorce is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men rarely forgive. Sexual infidelity is a huge dealbreaker for men and the percentage of men who forgive is very low. It hits guys to the core. He will most likely divorce, just support him.

Men forgive in certain circumstances. But if she was having sex with him and then sex with the Affair person it will kill him. If she did stuff with the affair person she didn’t do with him, like oral or anal, it will be hard to forgive..

The only ones who forgive are the ones with low self worth. If your wife is banging someone else you’ve lost her respect and she doesn’t desire you.

[Anonymous]

Men generally will not forgive if it's sexual, women if it's emotional.

[Anonymous]

God even says that it's okay to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not that this will make him feel better, but if it's been the status quo for 3+ years, she loves him enough to want to stay married and not hurt him. She's just getting some need fulfilled that he couldn't provide.

She is not fulfilling something that he can't.

She needs something fulfilled but it something only a trained therapist can't help her with. In the meantime, the affair is just like a toddler acting out.

Oh, please. Are you a psychotherapist specializing in sexual matters? No? The your opinion doesn’t mean shit.

I love how hoes refer to themselves as toddlers to excuse their gross behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men generally will not forgive if it's sexual, women if it's emotional.

If your wife has an "emotional affair" that is really and truly non-physical, you're pretty much done anyway and you should wash your hands of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men generally will not forgive if it's sexual, women if it's emotional.

Both erroneously believe that what the other spouse is receiving from the affair is already supplied in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not that this will make him feel better, but if it's been the status quo for 3+ years, she loves him enough to want to stay married and not hurt him. She's just getting some need fulfilled that he couldn't provide.

She is not fulfilling something that he can't.

She needs something fulfilled but it something only a trained therapist can't help her with. In the meantime, the affair is just like a toddler acting out.

Oh, please. Are you a psychotherapist specializing in sexual matters? No? The your opinion doesn’t mean shit.

NP here. As somebody who has a long-term affair, I was kind of like a toddler acting out. My Dh certainly could have provided what I was getting from AP, but I didn't want to let him.

Thank you for your honesty.

My best friend did the same thing, luckily she recognized it her H forgave her and she got the help she needed.

I'm sorry for whatever lead you to that point, good job moving from that time in your life to a positive resolution.

[Anonymous]

Wow, that is really tough. I am so sorry to read your post. I think it was great that you were a listening ear and offered the best advice you could. I would suggest you continue to be a support and that they see a marriage and family counselor. Praying for you and this situation!

[Anonymous]

OP, most people have given advice to your brother, so here's some for you (since you asked for that). Listen to him when he says bad things about his wife, but don't partake. Do not slam her, do not discuss her with other people, do not bad mouth her to anyone. For one thing, your nieces and nephews are going to bear the brunt of this even though they are innocent. It will not help them if people are saying their mom is a whore. Be someone who loves the whole family unconditionally (at least in your words and actions - feel free to secretly hate her all you want). For another thing, if your brother and his wife ever reconcile, you do not want to be the one who was against her while they went through a bad patch. I'm not saying you should condone her actions. And feel free to confide in your best friend (who promises to keep their mouth shut). For everyone else, keep it neutral. It might feel good to sling mud at his wife but it won't work out well for anyone in the end. Take the high road. It has much less traffic anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men rarely forgive. Sexual infidelity is a huge dealbreaker for men and the percentage of men who forgive is very low. It hits guys to the core. He will most likely divorce, just support him.

Men forgive in certain circumstances. But if she was having sex with him and then sex with the Affair person it will kill him. If she did stuff with the affair person she didn’t do with him, like oral or anal, it will be hard to forgive..

LOL really? Do women always forgive?

[Anonymous]

First, buy a shovel, with cash.

Second, ...