Bad teen party with my cousin 30 years ago

[Anonymous]

This would never have been an afterschool special, because those have a plot...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a good party to me.

Seriously! I'm wondering if the source of all this resentment and bitterness is that the "bad" cousin is still pissed at the "good" cousin 'till this day for locking her in a closet and making her miss out on the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why were the boys from your neighborhood mad at you for going to the party?

How would they know and how did OP get to the party? They can get home the same way.

My cousin's mother, my aunt, dropped us of at the party.

The girls from my cousin's school wanted to party with the cute boys from my neighborhood. My cousin used to,live in my neighborhood and she knew a lot of the boys. That is how the boys from my neighborhood ended up at the party of my cousin's friend, with no parents and no adults supervising.

No, I didn't lead a sheltered life.

The boys from my neighborhood were met by the boys from my cousin's new high school at the party. There was a fight. There were drugs and underage drinking, property stolen and damaged. Police called.

I was 15. I was responsible. I called my aunt and to this day, my aunt and my cousin don't think anything was wrong with that party. My cousin now has a teen daughter who is going away to college. I worry for the girl, that she if she is in a situation where there are drugs or alcohol and she is uncomfortable my cousin and my aunt won't take her seriously.

This was your only party of this nature? Did you not go to college?

[Anonymous]

You bring this up once or twice per year??

[Anonymous]

Op what mental illness do you suffer from? Cause I need to make sure you know this isn't normal.

[Anonymous]

LOL, what on earth? Is this real?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my cousin to have some clarity that if her teen daughter calls her at a horrible party where people are getting high and drunk and she asks to pick her up, that she will get her.

Tell the teen your story and how it has affected you, all these years later (you can leave out the part where her mom minimizes it, or just say that her mom didn't think it was so bad but you did). Tell her that she can always call you if she needs help. Put your number on her "favorites" in iPhone or equivalent.

Secondly, tell the teen that in these situations, the millisecond the teen feels uncomfortable is the time to get out. Because in these situations, with every passing moment it becomes harder to leave (more awkward, more weird, more peer pressure) and then you end up resorting to locking onesself in a bedroom and everyone getting pissed off at you. And come up with a great excuse beforehand; that handy-dandy excuse. (in our house it's 'my grandma is sick and we have to go meet her at the hospital'. My friend's is 'relative just arrived unannounced and Larla has to come home.') Obviously in college, it will have to be something different, like "my roommate is sick and I need to go see what's up" or something else if the room mate is with her.

[Anonymous]

^^fwiw, OP, I get it and would act like you are acting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^fwiw, OP, I get it and would act like you are acting.

For 30 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^fwiw, OP, I get it and would act like you are acting.

For 30 years?

+1
OP is ruminating and anxious and stuck on something that happened 30 years ago. She could easily reach out to her cousin's daughter and tell her to call her if she finds herself in a bind if it were really only about that. But this is so clearly not. She wants to be validated that she wasn't wrong all those years ago, wants people to make it up to her and a whole host of other things. I sincerely hope you wouldn't act how she's acting.

[Anonymous]

OP, were you assaulted at this party?

[Anonymous]

Is this for real?

[Anonymous]

There is no need to dredge up a party from 30 years ago, even if it was traumatic for you. Her Mom might just undercut you if you bring it up and try to tell you it wasn't as bad as you thought. (and it sounds like it was pretty bad and there were not adults there to help you.)

What's done is done OP. If you want to help your niece let her know she can call you anytime and you will help her no matter what the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^fwiw, OP, I get it and would act like you are acting.

For 30 years?

+1 and brings it up 1-2 per year!! That is 45-60 times she has brought this up. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^fwiw, OP, I get it and would act like you are acting.

For 30 years?

+1 and brings it up 1-2 per year!! That is 45-60 times she has brought this up. Jesus.

No, she said once or twice since it happened. Total.