I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so sad. The thought of my parents dying breaks my heart, it’s sad that a lot of people just see it as a burden.

If you love your parents and are close to them, the thought of their death is distressing and incredibly sad.

That doesn't mean you don't love your parents if you don't make practical plans. Hoards are real things. (Very heavy, messy, real things!)

I wish I could have spent the time after my mother's death grieving for her instead of dealing with a health hazard. Dang, I wish she would have let me get her into a healthy situation before she died, as I might have had her with me longer.

Heavens, that does not mean I did not love her.

+1. Too often, rather than mourning our parents, supporting their family, etc. we end up spending the precious little bereavement time/leave we have cleaning through piles of crap and overwhelmed by stress. Also, our parents might live longer and in safer, happier conditions, if they don't have to be surrounded by 5,000 square feet filled with dusty crap and hazards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

That's fine. We're a very sentimental family, and it would be very meaningful to me to have my grandfather's medals.

I am also sentimental but don’t put as much value on things as you seem to. Probably the same with the family selling the medals. My walls are covered in family photos and if I were that family, I’d probably have a lovely framed photo of grandpa wearing his own medals.

For those who view nearly 100 year old medals as "things," I would hope they'd take the time to offer them to a museum or the relative's alma mater, rather than letting them wind up in a Goodwill store or the city trash.

It's great to try. A LOT of items offered to museums and alma mater institutions are of more sentimental value and do not justify the funds spent on storage and maintenance. But, you can try.

If it does not work, maybe try something else, as above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

That's fine. We're a very sentimental family, and it would be very meaningful to me to have my grandfather's medals.

I am also sentimental but don’t put as much value on things as you seem to. Probably the same with the family selling the medals. My walls are covered in family photos and if I were that family, I’d probably have a lovely framed photo of grandpa wearing his own medals.

For those who view nearly 100 year old medals as "things," I would hope they'd take the time to offer them to a museum or the relative's alma mater, rather than letting them wind up in a Goodwill store or the city trash.

It's great to try. A LOT of items offered to museums and alma mater institutions are of more sentimental value and do not justify the funds spent on storage and maintenance. But, you can try.

If it does not work, maybe try something else, as above.

Yep, local museums and universities don't want that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My mother is 78 and she is trying to decluttering her house As she does not want us to have to deal with it. I could see how overwhelming it is for her. My dad‘s house burnt down five years ago so he started from scratch so he does not have clutter in his house and he was a hoarder. I felt bad but it was a blessing in disguise that his house burned down. He was not home so it’s just his stuff that burned

My mom did this around that age. She pared down, sold the home that she had lived in for 40+ years. It was a process but one that she had started years prior and to her great credit she saw it through. She still has family pictures and other things of sentimental value but it's all neat and orderly. She knows what she has.

In-laws were military who moved around a lot so they have less stuff to contend with in the first place. They pared down over the years with each move and their last move happened after all the kids had left the nest so they have a pretty orderly home.

We're in our 50's with 2 kids still at home and we're keeping this all in mind as we acquire stuff. If we don't use it, if it has no sentimental value - it's gone. We try to participate in yard sales every year and donate to charities. We moved a few years ago and it was shocking how much stuff we had in our home of 20 years. Closets were full, basement storage was packed full of stuff, boxes in crawl spaces, bins under beds - all of it had to be gone through. We donated stuff, we sold stuff and we threw a ton of stuff away - it was a grueling process because we were short on time and had to get our house ready for sale (spruced up/staged) within a month.

I can't imagine being elderly and trying to do all of that. It about did me in and I was only late 40's. Never again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

That's fine. We're a very sentimental family, and it would be very meaningful to me to have my grandfather's medals.

I am also sentimental but don’t put as much value on things as you seem to. Probably the same with the family selling the medals. My walls are covered in family photos and if I were that family, I’d probably have a lovely framed photo of grandpa wearing his own medals.

+1
I agree, the actual medals themselves wouldn't mean much to me either, wouldn't be something I'd display.

[Anonymous]

Here's one university museum's take on it:

https://www.uaf.edu/museum/collections/ethno/donations/

...
Objects are of such quality, rarity, or of extreme intellectual value to support acquisition.
...
Objects for which the curator anticipates no foreseeable use for exhibition, research, education, or exchange, will not be accepted....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

That's fine. We're a very sentimental family, and it would be very meaningful to me to have my grandfather's medals.

I am also sentimental but don’t put as much value on things as you seem to. Probably the same with the family selling the medals. My walls are covered in family photos and if I were that family, I’d probably have a lovely framed photo of grandpa wearing his own medals.

+1
I agree, the actual medals themselves wouldn't mean much to me either, wouldn't be something I'd display.

Then to the trash heap they shall go.

[Anonymous]

As far as the "treasures" mixed in ... I guess I feel like if I don't know about it, I can't miss it. I would far rather they go through it and do most of the work, and keep what they think is most important, even if I would have made different selections.

Once upon a time, there weren't nearly so many family possessions to pass down; people didn't have as much stuff, they didn't have as much space to store it, and fires, weather, and large numbers of children destroyed and dispersed it. These days, you can almost be guaranteed to receive your baby teeth and a pile of clothes no one has worn in decades. Unless you move a lot, it is really easy to accumulate so much stuff these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My mom did this around that age. She pared down, sold the home that she had lived in for 40+ years. It was a process but one that she had started years prior and to her great credit she saw it through. She still has family pictures and other things of sentimental value but it's all neat and orderly. She knows what she has.

In-laws were military who moved around a lot so they have less stuff to contend with in the first place. They pared down over the years with each move and their last move happened after all the kids had left the nest so they have a pretty orderly home.

We're in our 50's with 2 kids still at home and we're keeping this all in mind as we acquire stuff. If we don't use it, if it has no sentimental value - it's gone. We try to participate in yard sales every year and donate to charities. We moved a few years ago and it was shocking how much stuff we had in our home of 20 years. Closets were full, basement storage was packed full of stuff, boxes in crawl spaces, bins under beds - all of it had to be gone through. We donated stuff, we sold stuff and we threw a ton of stuff away - it was a grueling process because we were short on time and had to get our house ready for sale (spruced up/staged) within a month.

I can't imagine being elderly and trying to do all of that. It about did me in and I was only late 40's. Never again.

It's really hard.

This is a relatively new problem for the middle class. "Stuff" is just more cheap now, and so we have more things and more space to let them pile up. Doign it for someone else is an ordeal on top of the grieving, but it's often an ordeal you take on out of love, even when it is almost insurmountably difficult for you.

And then you vow not to ask that of your own kids while they are grieving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

That's fine. We're a very sentimental family, and it would be very meaningful to me to have my grandfather's medals.

I am also sentimental but don’t put as much value on things as you seem to. Probably the same with the family selling the medals. My walls are covered in family photos and if I were that family, I’d probably have a lovely framed photo of grandpa wearing his own medals.

+1
I agree, the actual medals themselves wouldn't mean much to me either, wouldn't be something I'd display.

Then to the trash heap they shall go.

Put them in a shadow box display and hang them in the hallway or a spare bedroom I totally would keep medals like that. In fact, I would probably give them a place of prominence of the display was done nicely enough. They are so much more interesting to look at than some mass print from TJ Maxx.

A treasured family bible could be displayed on a corner table in the dining room or some other out of the way spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you can do something. A neighbor of mine died and his son came later with a couple men and a dump truck. I know he kept some things but it was sad because of some of the things I saw being thrown away. One was an ornate family Bible with names and dates going back 100 years in the inside front pages. I pulled it out and took it home, then decided that was irrational and put it back.

Your post makes me so sad. It also reminds me of an estate sale in Ponte Vedra where a framed case of the deceased owner's swimming medals from a highly regarded university--at least 50 medals and more than a few were from MAJOR swimming events dating back to 1930's-- were on sale for $25. Just out there with the kitchen and living room stuff...can't believe that no one in the family wanted them.

But what are you going to do with grandpa’s old swimming medals? Put them in a drawer? How is that better?

PP here. I would hang the framed medals on an office wall in my home, or a basement playroom, etc. These weren't just any old swimming medals, btw, and the framed case was beautiful.

Yeah, I would have no desire to have that hanging on my wall. To each their own.

That's fine. We're a very sentimental family, and it would be very meaningful to me to have my grandfather's medals.

I am also sentimental but don’t put as much value on things as you seem to. Probably the same with the family selling the medals. My walls are covered in family photos and if I were that family, I’d probably have a lovely framed photo of grandpa wearing his own medals.

+1
I agree, the actual medals themselves wouldn't mean much to me either, wouldn't be something I'd display.

Then to the trash heap they shall go.

Put them in a shadow box display and hang them in the hallway or a spare bedroom I totally would keep medals like that. In fact, I would probably give them a place of prominence of the display was done nicely enough. They are so much more interesting to look at than some mass print from TJ Maxx.

A treasured family bible could be displayed on a corner table in the dining room or some other out of the way spot.

+1 I'm the poster who originally mentioned the medals. That's what our family would do as well.

[Anonymous]

That's great that you would enjoy it. Sounds like a good plan for you.

[Anonymous]

What happens when both you and your spouse each inherit about 50 boxes of medals and bibles from both sides since you're the only kids? It's just too much crap to display.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so sad. The thought of my parents dying breaks my heart, it’s sad that a lot of people just see it as a burden.

It is a burden on top of deeply grieving. But it is a burden none the less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens when both you and your spouse each inherit about 50 boxes of medals and bibles from both sides since you're the only kids? It's just too much crap to display.

I am sure they will either reach their own tipping point, or they will find a way to accommodate. It sounds like this is important to them.

As for me, I have a small box of very treasured things passed down from my parents, and through them, a few things from prior generations. I always know where it is, and I enjoy having that connection. But that's enough for me.

And I'm living pretty minimalist otherwise, and that makes me happy, too. We are all different.