I want my parents to get rid of junk so I don’t have to!

[Anonymous]

I know it’s selfish but they aren’t getting younger and soon my dad isn’t gonna be very mobile. They have a house full of junk but they don’t want to go through it to de clutter. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to have to be the person who cleans it up either when they are too weak to or when they’re gone. Anyone been there?

[Anonymous]

It's called Swedish Death cleaning.

send them articles about it.

After they die you can hire someone to clean it out for you if they won't.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have this to face and am dreading it. I'm an only child, so that makes it worse because I will have no help and probably no money available to hire help.

When I'm older, I pray that I will have the wisdom not to leave a gigantic mess for my own kids to clean up after I'm gone.

[Anonymous]

(sigh) I have done that for my parents and my FIL.

Gentle suggestions ahead of time that they should "declutter" only provoked outrage. It was like I was trying to send them to the funeral parlor while they were still alive.

I wound up having to go through two entire three-story houses full of decades of junk, and throw away or donate to Goodwill pretty much everything. Kept the family photos, and that was about it.

Basically it was hoarding. 99.9% of that stuff only had meaning and value to them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't want to seem like a douche, but honestly! Last time one of them got sick, I had to declutter the guest room so relatives could come and take turns with me caring for them. I try to help them a little at a time, but today I tried to get my mom to pick 5 books to put in the donations pile and she just got angry. They have 1000s of books and I don't want to have to spend weeks sifting through dusty junk because they refuse to clean up now.

[Anonymous]

I am an only child and have cleaned out both of my parents' homes by myself. It can be a long process if you do it yourself (giving stuff away, listing on freecycle/ craigslist, auction art dealers, etc). As a PP said, there are companies you can hire that do all that stuff for you and then take a percentage of whatever money is made. I chose to do it myself because I knew I would discover things hidden away that I would want to keep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't want to seem like a douche, but honestly! Last time one of them got sick, I had to declutter the guest room so relatives could come and take turns with me caring for them. I try to help them a little at a time, but today I tried to get my mom to pick 5 books to put in the donations pile and she just got angry. They have 1000s of books and I don't want to have to spend weeks sifting through dusty junk because they refuse to clean up now.

I'm 00:59. After my mom died, the books were the first thing I tackled- she had a ton. I had the book dealer come and buy what he wanted, then the local used bookstore did the same, then it took me six weeks to sort through/ box up all the remaining books and donate them to the library. And I still found books hidden away in random drawers and closets, for at least a year.

Sorry, but you're going to be stuck with it. They probably feel the same as my mother did- they want to be doing other things in their elderly years. I don't blame them, or my mom.

[Anonymous]

I've had to do it twice. Once when my husband's sister died, and again a few years later when his mother died. Neither of them would let us throw anything away, we tried sneaking things out of the house, but it's like they had radar or something. It was a huge job both times. I have no idea how to fix the problem. I have no hoards of anything in my home, so my kids won't have to deal with this.

[Anonymous]

Why do old people hoard so much? My mom used to be really good at keeping her house tidy but all the stuff she is saving is becoming ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

OP, if discussing this upsets them, drop it. Don't spend whatever time they have left on this earth arguing with them. Facing mortality really unhinges people so you have to choose your battles.

Concentrate your efforts on making sure their wills and other paperwork is in order. This is where the ultimate disposition of their property can be addressed. Do not let them name you or any other family member (especially siblings!) executor of their estate—you need someone emotionally unencumbered in this role. I have known so many surviving children who became estranged from their siblings, got sick (and even died) from the stress.

Enjoy your parents. We never know how things will work out, but somehow they always do. I wish I had all the hours of my life back that I've spent worrying in an effort to control things (that were ultimately beyond my control and turned out differently anyway) just because I was scared.

[Anonymous]

Be careful about books. My parents have told me to make sure I go through all their books page by page because that's where they used to hide money. Now they can't remember which ones!

[Anonymous]

Perhaps your parents can leave some extra money in their will(s) specifically to pay a company to clean out their house after they pass on.

That would be the best option in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I'll have to do this eventually and my parents have TONS of junk...they have a huge 6 bedroom house packed with junk...my mom won't let anyone touch it and they think I'll want the house and ALL the junk eventually (I won't. I'll never move back to my hometown.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll have to do this eventually and my parents have TONS of junk...they have a huge 6 bedroom house packed with junk...my mom won't let anyone touch it and they think I'll want the house and ALL the junk eventually (I won't. I'll never move back to my hometown.)

And while a lot of it is utter garbage and junk, some of it is valuable, but not sorted out. My father was an antiques dealer, and they've mixed in the valuable stuff with the crap. But nobody's allowed to touch anything, so it just sits there. And my mom doesn't trust anyone to even come by and clean so the place is just dusty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be careful about books. My parents have told me to make sure I go through all their books page by page because that's where they used to hide money. Now they can't remember which ones!

Omg. Maybe they should use some of their copious free time to go through their books page by page now.