How to regain control when the tween is ruling the roost

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can't be serious.


Not sure she's met too many Tweets and teens.

NP. I've got teens, including 2 with ADHD. It's a 'collaborative problem solving approach' and it's a best practice whether your kid has ADHD or not - in fact, it's a best practice in the workplace. It may not work all the time but it's an excellent place to start. Scoff if you like but behavioral specialists don't.

That is a ridiculous analogy. Home is not the workplace. Your teen can't be fired if he doesn't perform. Your teen isn't an adult (duh) who responds to adult arguments and incentives. If "behavioral specialists" think teenager in the home and adult in the workplace are equivalent, then they are deeply stupid.

+1000

Some kids need, quite simply, a kick in the ass. If you approach parenthood as a "collaboration" with your kids, you're truly an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can't be serious.


Not sure she's met too many Tweets and teens.

NP. I've got teens, including 2 with ADHD. It's a 'collaborative problem solving approach' and it's a best practice whether your kid has ADHD or not - in fact, it's a best practice in the workplace. It may not work all the time but it's an excellent place to start. Scoff if you like but behavioral specialists don't.

That is a ridiculous analogy. Home is not the workplace. Your teen can't be fired if he doesn't perform. Your teen isn't an adult (duh) who responds to adult arguments and incentives. If "behavioral specialists" think teenager in the home and adult in the workplace are equivalent, then they are deeply stupid.

You clearly have limited supervisory experience, limited life experience and even more limited imagination. Walking through a doorway doesn't magically transform you from one kind of person to another. If you want to effect change, you have to understand the psychology of behavior. Try googling 'behavior theory and change management'. Maybe you'll learn something. Then again, probably not.

And you clearly have limited parenting experience. Either that, or you're the mother (a father would never talk this way) of the biggest entitled brats on the planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very hard for most modern teens and tweens to amuse themselves at home without using something electronic.

Yeah, life's rough.

Did you miss my point, or am I misreading you?

Take away everything electronic, and staying home becomes much more burdensome -- which it should be.

[Anonymous]

So let him exact his little revenge and live with the consequences. Let him not go to school and get in trouble. Let him not eat and be hungry. Quit protecting him from himself. His threatened punishments all hurt HIM. Let him do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can't be serious.


Not sure she's met too many Tweets and teens.

NP. I've got teens, including 2 with ADHD. It's a 'collaborative problem solving approach' and it's a best practice whether your kid has ADHD or not - in fact, it's a best practice in the workplace. It may not work all the time but it's an excellent place to start. Scoff if you like but behavioral specialists don't.

That is a ridiculous analogy. Home is not the workplace. Your teen can't be fired if he doesn't perform. Your teen isn't an adult (duh) who responds to adult arguments and incentives. If "behavioral specialists" think teenager in the home and adult in the workplace are equivalent, then they are deeply stupid.

You clearly have limited supervisory experience, limited life experience and even more limited imagination. Walking through a doorway doesn't magically transform you from one kind of person to another. If you want to effect change, you have to understand the psychology of behavior. Try googling 'behavior theory and change management'. Maybe you'll learn something. Then again, probably not.

And you clearly have limited parenting experience. Either that, or you're the mother (a father would never talk this way) of the biggest entitled brats on the planet.

Nope. I've got 4 kids, including 2 in college and 2 HS. Two of my kids have SN and I have far more education in and experience with behavior. I also run the leadership development in a large organization. Again, do some research instead of relying archaic parenting practices. It might just improve your parenting and your professional interactions.

[Anonymous]

OP, has any of this thread been helpful to you?
I have been thinking about your situation. I have a teen who is a handful as well, though perhaps not to the extent you are dealing with. It can be hard when you think other parents have it all figured out, and you are somehow failing to instill the right values in your child. Between kids' hormones, electronics, school pressure, parental obligations and pressures, it is easy to get off track and be inconsistent in parenting.
Your situation sounds like you definitely need some outside help and support. Is it possible that your child is depressed? It sounds like there is a real lack of emotional connection. Many teens and tweens "hate" their parents at some point, but you describe a situation that sounds like a deeper lack of connection and respect. I think you could both benefit from some family therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn’t go to school, you will not write him a note. And then you will talk with the principal. And he will have to repeat the grade. Be on team adult.

Agree. If he gets more daring and violent then you might need help. Shooter in Florida was a teen too that was hard to control but they certainly did have other issues with adoption etc

[Anonymous]

Ross Greene is one of the current experts in the field of managing behavior of troubled teens (also wrote The Explosive Child). He has a lot of resources on his website. https://www.livesinthebalance.org/

[Anonymous]

Military school. Do it now before it gets worse, and before you lose the opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Shut off all electronics, phone, WiFi access, etc.

Tell him that as to the "I won't go to school" thing---that if he chooses to deliberately fail school---that's on him---YOU aren't the one who will have to repeat a grade. When my DS used to balk at homework, I used to smile sweetly and say, "I will still love you no matter how long it takes for you to get out of 6th grade."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: My son has always been someone who if you give him an inch he will take a mile and negotiate the whole time. Now as the teen years are approaching I’m discovering the kid has really gotten the upper hand in the household. If he doesn’t want to do something he just refuses to do it and if you take away privileges he’ll say - I just won’t go to school tomorrow then and hold that over your head. I’m starting to feel like I’m in an abusive relationship because the kid is literally getting all the control. He’s identified several things that I just can’t do without like him going to school, taking medication, eating. If I try to gain the upper hand he fights back by refusing to do those things. This is further complicated by not having a second parent in the household so there’s noone to buffer the situation or apply any muscle. Anyone been in a similar situation and found a way to resolve it?

There are simply some non negotiables. You take him to school, and he must go to school. Call the truant officer on him if you must. I feel like my kids was hard headed like this when he was 2, and we had some musts like brushing teeth. And as he got older, we added more musts. I never forced my kid to eat, but her had to sit at the table during mealtimes, and he would get bored and eat with us.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this OP. I had a similar situation with my DS and it was an absolute nightmare. Counseling didn't work; he barely graduated from HS but went away to college and really grew up. He's a Sophomore now; is doing great and is very respectful towards us when he's back for the summer and breaks. It was a complete transformation. It does get better. Good-luck.