Do you/did you have a child that you viewed as being mediocre?

[Anonymous]

The successful kids in high school aren’t always the most successful at adults. Our HS valedictorian now teaches outdoor Ed in Wyoming. She killed her self in HS, always stressed out. I’m happy she’s happy, even if she’s not a high powered executive or doctor. And a girl I knew who didn’t do well in HS is now a successful interior designer. She went to a lower tiered college and found her passion there.

I think you make it clear he’s not living free in the basement, he has to pay rent if he’s living at home and not going to college, for example.

Does he have chores? Does he pay for his phone? If not..cut his phone off. Make it harder for him to have a lazy life.

[Anonymous]

Op, you make him sound like a stranger. You moved away it sounds like. And now .. you "confront" him. Odd/sad choice of words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Naturally motivated and high energy" people are annoying to Type B people, which I imagine he is. To top it off, you're his mom and he's a teenager. You're probably driving him nuts at this point and he's being passive aggressive. So ease off a bit.

+1. The son must be miserable knowing his own mother doesn't like him very much, and hasn't for years.

[Anonymous]

I was a motivated student and earned all As throughout high school and college. I'm now a (gasp!) English teacher in a Title 1 school.*

My little brother always had around a 2.0 in high school, partied throughout college and had to move home after getting kicked out, bopped around a few community colleges for a few years, and finally graduated with a Construction Management degree 8 years after high school.

And he makes WAY more money than I do. Stuff like this happens! Some people just take more time

*Why do so many of you hate us so much?

[Anonymous]

I agree with a recommendation for learning disability testing. Rule it out to have a full picture.

[Anonymous]

A really lazy kid would have skipped school instead of creating a Lyft account. He was probably afraid to tell his mom he missed the bus because she would see that as a sign of his mediocrity.

Or he simply forgot about making the account because it was no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*Why do so many of you hate us so much?

I don't!!! I'm in awe of the teachers that my kids have had and am so, so thankful that so many amazing, smart and committed people have gone into teaching and are able to impact our family and touch our kids in meaningful ways. Thank you!!

[Anonymous]

OP - i have really struggled on whether or not to respond to you. My New Years resolution is to assume good intent, so that is what I am going to do with you.

We have similarities in our situations. I have a son who lives with his father in another state. My son also has a lower IQ. He is not mentally retarded but he is definitely at the very very low-end of average. College is not in his future. My hope for him is graduating high school and obtaining a certification in a trade, as opposed to being a "jack of all trades, master of none". Plenty of people may consider that a mediocre life.

Several things make this A-OK for me after struggling a little with these facts:

-his father is also "mediocre" and seems to be relatively happy. He is married to a woman who could be described as simple. They seem to be very happy with each other and she is an excellent stepmother to my son. I really could not imagine a more perfect fit.

-they live in rural flyover country where my son is really quite middle-of-the-pack average. I feel that if he were living here in this area he would likely be in special education.


My questions to you are, is your sons father similar to your son? Does his father also live in an area like this that is very accomplishment focused? Lastly, and most importantly, can you do some inner work to except your son for the person that he is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you write what he likes to do and is interested in and what his positives are, and people can give you suggestions for a career or college major.

OP here, sorry for the delayed response. This thread was originally posted on an other board and then it disappeared. I had assumed it was deleted (for reasons I cold not figure out), so I am just now seeing that it still exist by chance.

For those who have said I don't like my child you are dead wrong! I really do, which is likely why he has been able to get away with things for so long. Of my 4 children he has honestly been the easiest to raise due to his low maintenance personality. He is very respectful, has never been in any type of trouble at school or otherwise, and is generally a sweetheart. He was the kid you could sit in a room to play and color and that is exactly what he would do.

As he's gotten older I am seeing that the easygoing, mellow personality has a side effect of seeming docile and passionless.

To answer PP's question though, he enjoys computers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - i have really struggled on whether or not to respond to you. My New Years resolution is to assume good intent, so that is what I am going to do with you.

We have similarities in our situations. I have a son who lives with his father in another state. My son also has a lower IQ. He is not mentally retarded but he is definitely at the very very low-end of average. College is not in his future. My hope for him is graduating high school and obtaining a certification in a trade, as opposed to being a "jack of all trades, master of none". Plenty of people may consider that a mediocre life.

Several things make this A-OK for me after struggling a little with these facts:

-his father is also "mediocre" and seems to be relatively happy. He is married to a woman who could be described as simple. They seem to be very happy with each other and she is an excellent stepmother to my son. I really could not imagine a more perfect fit.

-they live in rural flyover country where my son is really quite middle-of-the-pack average. I feel that if he were living here in this area he would likely be in special education.


My questions to you are, is your sons father similar to your son? Does his father also live in an area like this that is very accomplishment focused? Lastly, and most importantly, can you do some inner work to except your son for the person that he is?

I am soooo glad you chose to respond! Sometimes talking to people who can relate is easier. And yes, I would say my ex is similar in that he is a-ok with having just the basics in life, which is part of the reason I left. We married young and I assumed we were on the same trajectory, but we weren't. By nature I am progressive and ambitious; however, he is not. It has taken me a long time to unravel the concept of why a person does not want more, and I am honestly still not there yet.

I love my son and that is why I don't want to make the mistake of trying to infuse life into someone who is content. Which is why my original question was about helping me to paint a picture of the life path I should put him on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you write what he likes to do and is interested in and what his positives are, and people can give you suggestions for a career or college major.

OP here, sorry for the delayed response. This thread was originally posted on an other board and then it disappeared. I had assumed it was deleted (for reasons I cold not figure out), so I am just now seeing that it still exist by chance.

For those who have said I don't like my child you are dead wrong! I really do, which is likely why he has been able to get away with things for so long. Of my 4 children he has honestly been the easiest to raise due to his low maintenance personality. He is very respectful, has never been in any type of trouble at school or otherwise, and is generally a sweetheart. He was the kid you could sit in a room to play and color and that is exactly what he would do.

As he's gotten older I am seeing that the easygoing, mellow personality has a side effect of seeming docile and passionless.

To answer PP's question though, he enjoys computers.

I posted the questions above. The reason why some people "don't want more" is because they are happy with what they have and they look for the good in what they have. (I have one kid similar to yours, type b, and one like similar to you, type a, and type a kid was just asking me why type b kid is the way he is. I'm type b but I've also been also struggling to just embrace my one kid's lack of interest in any extracurriculars). Your son likes computers and he's easy going. Careers/jobs: some type of computer job, teacher of computer classes, works with kids with computers, etc. The only thing is, computer science degrees are really tough, but there are computer degrees that are easier. He could also be a government consultant.
Being easy going is a wonderful trait. There are many "people person" types of jobs, and others like working with a nice easygoing person. Jobs:Marketing, sales, advertising, Human Resources.
Tell him you know the two of you are different, you respect his easygoing outlook, and you want to help him find something he likes.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why we are ragging on teachers, but maybe it is the weaker high school students who actually have the empathy for those outside the honors classes. Our schools don't need any more personnel catering to the top stude

[Anonymous]

I had a friend who worked with seniors to help them use their phones and computers, if your DS is patient maybe that's an option.

By the way I'm a teacher who enjoys being around kids and teaching special needs kids. I have a very blessed life and grew up comfortable so I wanted to work in an area to help people. Gone are the days that slackers can be teachers, its competitive in this area and we WORK.

[Anonymous]

What's his GPA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's his GPA?

2.57