Reply to Do you/did you have a child that you viewed as being mediocre?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - i have really struggled on whether or not to respond to you. My New Years resolution is to assume good intent, so that is what I am going to do with you.

We have similarities in our situations. I have a son who lives with his father in another state.  My son also has a lower IQ. He is not mentally retarded but he is definitely at the very very low-end of average.  College is not in his future. My hope for him is graduating high school and obtaining a certification in a trade, as opposed to being a "jack of all trades, master of none".  Plenty of people may consider that a mediocre life.

Several things make this A-OK for me after struggling a little with these facts:

-his father is also "mediocre" and seems to be relatively happy. He is married to a woman who could be described as simple. They seem to be very happy with each other and she is an excellent stepmother to my son. I really could not imagine a more perfect fit.

-they live in rural flyover country where my son is really quite middle-of-the-pack average. I feel that if he were living here in this area he would likely be in special education.

My questions to you are, is your sons father similar to your son?  Does his father also live in an area like this that is very accomplishment focused?  Lastly, and most importantly, can you do some inner work to except your son for the person that he is?

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I am soooo glad you chose to respond! Sometimes talking to people who can relate is easier. And yes, I would say my ex is similar in that he is a-ok with having just the basics in life, which is part of the reason I left. We married young and I assumed we were on the same trajectory, but we weren't. By nature I am progressive and ambitious; however, he is not. It has taken me a long time to unravel the concept of why a person does not want more, and I am honestly still not there yet.

I love my son and that is why I don't want to make the mistake of trying to infuse life into someone who is content. Which is why my original question was about helping me to paint a picture of the life path I should put him on.

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