Positive Discipline isn't working...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:interesting that all of these supposedly well educated parents are advocating spanking. which has the same long term effects as physical and sexual abuse. so....good job guys!

You've posted this on other threads and it's utterly ridiculous. Millions of kids throughout time have had spankings in their lives - your position is those people are all as traumatized as kids who were sexually abused? Look I'm not a big advocate of physical punishment but the hysteria around spanking is mind-boggling. If it always results in creating anti-social, violent, traumatized adults than how are most adults who had spankings as a kid able to function normally in society? Up until recently something like 98% of American parents said they had spanked their kids...so according to the anti-spanking hysteria society should have collapsed by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:interesting that all of these supposedly well educated parents are advocating spanking. which has the same long term effects as physical and sexual abuse. so....good job guys!

You've posted this on other threads and it's utterly ridiculous. Millions of kids throughout time have had spankings in their lives - your position is those people are all as traumatized as kids who were sexually abused? Look I'm not a big advocate of physical punishment but the hysteria around spanking is mind-boggling. If it always results in creating anti-social, violent, traumatized adults than how are most adults who had spankings as a kid able to function normally in society? Up until recently something like 98% of American parents said they had spanked their kids...so according to the anti-spanking hysteria society should have collapsed by now.

Spanking doesn't work long term, PP. Proven over and over again. It just trains kids to be sneaky and not confide in you.

I am not hysterical - just educated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:interesting that all of these supposedly well educated parents are advocating spanking. which has the same long term effects as physical and sexual abuse. so....good job guys!

You've posted this on other threads and it's utterly ridiculous. Millions of kids throughout time have had spankings in their lives - your position is those people are all as traumatized as kids who were sexually abused? Look I'm not a big advocate of physical punishment but the hysteria around spanking is mind-boggling. If it always results in creating anti-social, violent, traumatized adults than how are most adults who had spankings as a kid able to function normally in society? Up until recently something like 98% of American parents said they had spanked their kids...so according to the anti-spanking hysteria society should have collapsed by now.

Spanking doesn't work long term, PP. Proven over and over again. It just trains kids to be sneaky and not confide in you.

I am not hysterical - just educated.

np. You are horribly educated if you think your argument makes any rational sense. The proper metric for an immediate punishment for a two or three year old is not whether it works "long term." What does that even mean, anyway? The criterion is whether it effectively deters a repeat of the same misbehavior in the immediate future.

I have never seen anyone, anywhere suggest that spanking, and only spanking, will ensure great outcomes "long term." It's one possible punishment that can be effectively employed in moderation. Your arguments saying that it's proven not to work long term are ridiculous straw men.

Also, about 90% of kids have been spanked at some point. Even today's kids. To suggest that 90% of kids have suffered something as traumatic as sexual abuse is absurd, and really, pretty offensive to actual abuse victims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:interesting that all of these supposedly well educated parents are advocating spanking. which has the same long term effects as physical and sexual abuse. so....good job guys!

You've posted this on other threads and it's utterly ridiculous. Millions of kids throughout time have had spankings in their lives - your position is those people are all as traumatized as kids who were sexually abused? Look I'm not a big advocate of physical punishment but the hysteria around spanking is mind-boggling. If it always results in creating anti-social, violent, traumatized adults than how are most adults who had spankings as a kid able to function normally in society? Up until recently something like 98% of American parents said they had spanked their kids...so according to the anti-spanking hysteria society should have collapsed by now.

Spanking doesn't work long term, PP. Proven over and over again. It just trains kids to be sneaky and not confide in you.

I am not hysterical - just educated.

np. You are horribly educated if you think your argument makes any rational sense. The proper metric for an immediate punishment for a two or three year old is not whether it works "long term." What does that even mean, anyway? The criterion is whether it effectively deters a repeat of the same misbehavior in the immediate future.

I have never seen anyone, anywhere suggest that spanking, and only spanking, will ensure great outcomes "long term." It's one possible punishment that can be effectively employed in moderation. Your arguments saying that it's proven not to work long term are ridiculous straw men.

Also, about 90% of kids have been spanked at some point. Even today's kids. To suggest that 90% of kids have suffered something as traumatic as sexual abuse is absurd, and really, pretty offensive to actual abuse victims.

I managed to raise three great, happy and successful kids without hitting them or causing them physical pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:interesting that all of these supposedly well educated parents are advocating spanking. which has the same long term effects as physical and sexual abuse. so....good job guys!

You've posted this on other threads and it's utterly ridiculous. Millions of kids throughout time have had spankings in their lives - your position is those people are all as traumatized as kids who were sexually abused? Look I'm not a big advocate of physical punishment but the hysteria around spanking is mind-boggling. If it always results in creating anti-social, violent, traumatized adults than how are most adults who had spankings as a kid able to function normally in society? Up until recently something like 98% of American parents said they had spanked their kids...so according to the anti-spanking hysteria society should have collapsed by now.

Spanking doesn't work long term, PP. Proven over and over again. It just trains kids to be sneaky and not confide in you.

I am not hysterical - just educated.

np. You are horribly educated if you think your argument makes any rational sense. The proper metric for an immediate punishment for a two or three year old is not whether it works "long term." What does that even mean, anyway? The criterion is whether it effectively deters a repeat of the same misbehavior in the immediate future.

I have never seen anyone, anywhere suggest that spanking, and only spanking, will ensure great outcomes "long term." It's one possible punishment that can be effectively employed in moderation. Your arguments saying that it's proven not to work long term are ridiculous straw men.

Also, about 90% of kids have been spanked at some point. Even today's kids. To suggest that 90% of kids have suffered something as traumatic as sexual abuse is absurd, and really, pretty offensive to actual abuse victims.

I managed to raise three great, happy and successful kids without hitting them or causing them physical pain.

Wonderful! All kids are different, and different families have different expectations. Some parents are happy to perpetually be administering a series of positive and negative consequences, and others expect their children to generally obey them without immediate rewards. Some parents are happy to spend 10 years saying "This too shall pass," some have well-behaved kid as long as they don't actually have to take the kids with them grocery shopping or other boring errands, and some parents expect their kids to behave even in situations that aren't fun or kid-focused.

No one way is right or wrong. If you want a medal for not spanking, you'll have to order it for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Spanking is lazy parenting. It also doesn't work. NP here, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:interesting that all of these supposedly well educated parents are advocating spanking. which has the same long term effects as physical and sexual abuse. so....good job guys!

You've posted this on other threads and it's utterly ridiculous. Millions of kids throughout time have had spankings in their lives - your position is those people are all as traumatized as kids who were sexually abused? Look I'm not a big advocate of physical punishment but the hysteria around spanking is mind-boggling. If it always results in creating anti-social, violent, traumatized adults than how are most adults who had spankings as a kid able to function normally in society? Up until recently something like 98% of American parents said they had spanked their kids...so according to the anti-spanking hysteria society should have collapsed by now.

Spanking doesn't work long term, PP. Proven over and over again. It just trains kids to be sneaky and not confide in you.

I am not hysterical - just educated.

np. You are horribly educated if you think your argument makes any rational sense. The proper metric for an immediate punishment for a two or three year old is not whether it works "long term." What does that even mean, anyway? The criterion is whether it effectively deters a repeat of the same misbehavior in the immediate future.

I have never seen anyone, anywhere suggest that spanking, and only spanking, will ensure great outcomes "long term." It's one possible punishment that can be effectively employed in moderation. Your arguments saying that it's proven not to work long term are ridiculous straw men.

Also, about 90% of kids have been spanked at some point. Even today's kids. To suggest that 90% of kids have suffered something as traumatic as sexual abuse is absurd, and really, pretty offensive to actual abuse victims.

I managed to raise three great, happy and successful kids without hitting them or causing them physical pain.

Wonderful! All kids are different, and different families have different expectations. Some parents are happy to perpetually be administering a series of positive and negative consequences, and others expect their children to generally obey them without immediate rewards. Some parents are happy to spend 10 years saying "This too shall pass," some have well-behaved kid as long as they don't actually have to take the kids with them grocery shopping or other boring errands, and some parents expect their kids to behave even in situations that aren't fun or kid-focused.

No one way is right or wrong. If you want a medal for not spanking, you'll have to order it for yourself.

You are wrong, PP. and you are so defensive which tells me that you know spanking is wrong.

[Anonymous]

I do a combination of things in this situation. I start by telling child that "we share" and to give the toy back (and I would be stern about this, and would leave if my child kept taking toy). I focus on the positive behavior ("we share") instead of the negative one ("don't take that toy away"). It is easier to follow positive instructions than negative.

I would also talk to my child to ask them how they would feel if someone took the toy away from them. Not good? OK, how do you think it feels when you take toy from your friend? Not good? Do you want to make someone feel good or not good?

I also model appropriate behavior at home on a regular basis. I talk to my kid about how I love to share my things with her and others, and you know what, she gets excited about sharing, too. Some things we say we don't have to share (like a lovey), but those things don't get brought out when we have company.

But I will also add that I think my kid is extra empathetic so my approach my be naive. We'll have to see if this works on #2 (he's too young to know his personality yet).

[Anonymous]

No please or thank you when it comes to behavior. You are not asking them for a favor, you are telling them what they can and can't do.

Example:

NO: Honey can we please stop yelling in the restaurant? (in a singsong voice)
YES: Henry, we do NOT yell in the restaurant. (looking in his eyes, in a firm voice)

[Anonymous]

There are some real softie parents on this thread, smh. Misbehavior and bad choices should hurt; in the absence of a reason to avoid bad behavior, much of which is more enjoyable to kids in the short term, there is little reason for kids to behave. We spank until at least age 8 (depending on the child) and for rude language or sassy mouths we do either soap or hot sauce. In general these consequences are rare because our children's behavior is usually reasonable. I would think that any consequences for misbehavior should be more unpleasant for the child than for the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some real softie parents on this thread, smh. Misbehavior and bad choices should hurt; in the absence of a reason to avoid bad behavior, much of which is more enjoyable to kids in the short term, there is little reason for kids to behave. We spank until at least age 8 (depending on the child) and for rude language or sassy mouths we do either soap or hot sauce. In general these consequences are rare because our children's behavior is usually reasonable. I would think that any consequences for misbehavior should be more unpleasant for the child than for the parent.

You are vile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some real softie parents on this thread, smh. Misbehavior and bad choices should hurt; in the absence of a reason to avoid bad behavior, much of which is more enjoyable to kids in the short term, there is little reason for kids to behave. We spank until at least age 8 (depending on the child) and for rude language or sassy mouths we do either soap or hot sauce. In general these consequences are rare because our children's behavior is usually reasonable. I would think that any consequences for misbehavior should be more unpleasant for the child than for the parent.

You are vile.

I'd venture a guess that it's how a majority of current adults were raised, and their parents before that, and etc. Things that are effective -- are effective. There's been quite the shift lately towards permissive parenting and parents no longer being clearly in charge of the home. Is it working out in an overall positive way?

I would say not. Today's kids could benefit from a dose of old-fashioned discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some real softie parents on this thread, smh. Misbehavior and bad choices should hurt; in the absence of a reason to avoid bad behavior, much of which is more enjoyable to kids in the short term, there is little reason for kids to behave. We spank until at least age 8 (depending on the child) and for rude language or sassy mouths we do either soap or hot sauce. In general these consequences are rare because our children's behavior is usually reasonable. I would think that any consequences for misbehavior should be more unpleasant for the child than for the parent.

You are vile.

I'd venture a guess that it's how a majority of current adults were raised, and their parents before that, and etc. Things that are effective -- are effective. There's been quite the shift lately towards permissive parenting and parents no longer being clearly in charge of the home. Is it working out in an overall positive way?

I would say not. Today's kids could benefit from a dose of old-fashioned discipline.

Again, you are vile. Further, you are stunningly under-educated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some real softie parents on this thread, smh. Misbehavior and bad choices should hurt; in the absence of a reason to avoid bad behavior, much of which is more enjoyable to kids in the short term, there is little reason for kids to behave. We spank until at least age 8 (depending on the child) and for rude language or sassy mouths we do either soap or hot sauce. In general these consequences are rare because our children's behavior is usually reasonable. I would think that any consequences for misbehavior should be more unpleasant for the child than for the parent.

You are vile.

I'd venture a guess that it's how a majority of current adults were raised, and their parents before that, and etc. Things that are effective -- are effective. There's been quite the shift lately towards permissive parenting and parents no longer being clearly in charge of the home. Is it working out in an overall positive way?

I would say not. Today's kids could benefit from a dose of old-fashioned discipline.

Again, you are vile. Further, you are stunningly under-educated.

Really? Interesting, considering that I have a master's degree and am nearly finished with my PhD save for completing the dissertation. In what way would you suggest that I should further my education such that I will suddenly come to the conclusion that raising children with strict discipline is anything other than a benefit both for them and for everyone with whom they must interact?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are some real softie parents on this thread, smh. Misbehavior and bad choices should hurt; in the absence of a reason to avoid bad behavior, much of which is more enjoyable to kids in the short term, there is little reason for kids to behave. We spank until at least age 8 (depending on the child) and for rude language or sassy mouths we do either soap or hot sauce. In general these consequences are rare because our children's behavior is usually reasonable. I would think that any consequences for misbehavior should be more unpleasant for the child than for the parent.

You are vile.

I'd venture a guess that it's how a majority of current adults were raised, and their parents before that, and etc. Things that are effective -- are effective. There's been quite the shift lately towards permissive parenting and parents no longer being clearly in charge of the home. Is it working out in an overall positive way?

I would say not. Today's kids could benefit from a dose of old-fashioned discipline.

Again, you are vile. Further, you are stunningly under-educated.

Really? Interesting, considering that I have a master's degree and am nearly finished with my PhD save for completing the dissertation. In what way would you suggest that I should further my education such that I will suddenly come to the conclusion that raising children with strict discipline is anything other than a benefit both for them and for everyone with whom they must interact?

I have to agree with the others - you truly are vile. Stop trying to defend the indefensible and go away. Your children will turn on you soon enough and rightfully so.

PS. Those of use with doctorate degrees never say PhD. For the next time you lie about your degree, write "nearly finished my doctorate". It will be a more believable lie. And the doctorate is the dissertation so you may want to come up with a better lid on that one, too.