My 14 yo daughter has been sexting

[Anonymous]

My 8th grade dd has an acquaintance who was found to be sexting and having sex. Her phone was taken away, she was sent to a different school, was made to delete all of her social media accounts, etc. Not even days later, she opens new accounts from some unknown device and has been posting and snap chatting ever since.

You need to turn off the wifi.
Dd should only be at home or at school and (assuming you have a home phone) can access a landline at either if she needs you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another middle school counselor here. Yep, pretty common. Still quite worrisome, but not outside the bounds of predictable 14-yeR-old behavior. Agree that safety, digital footprint, reputation, privacy would be my biggest concerns. Contact the providers to get any explicit images taken down if possible. Tell the school what’s going on so they can support you too and handle any fallout there. Read the recent New York Times article by Lisa D’Amour:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/02/well/family/teenagers-stop-asking-for-nude-photos.html

Wondering in what type of middle school you work? It's not at all "pretty common" where I work.

I’ve worked in public and private school. You’re naive to think it’s not happening in your school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8th grade dd has an acquaintance who was found to be sexting and having sex. Her phone was taken away, she was sent to a different school, was made to delete all of her social media accounts, etc. Not even days later, she opens new accounts from some unknown device and has been posting and snap chatting ever since.

You need to turn off the wifi.
Dd should only be at home or at school and (assuming you have a home phone) can access a landline at either if she needs you.

Unknown device? Any computer will do, at home or at school. iPads and Google laptops are used in most classrooms.

And any old smart phone in a drawer around house can access wi-fi at home or school or coffee shop (even deactivated phones). If not your old phone, one of her friends will certainly be able to source one. Or one of the guy's boning her will give her one so he can maintain his easy ass. An old iPhone can be found on craigslist for $40, old Android $20.

If you turn off you wi-fi the kid will use the neighbor's or one of her friends will give her their Comcast hotspot password.

All kids do homework online now, so I'm not sure you can 100% keep them off the computer. But goodluck trying.

[Anonymous]

I would call the police and have her arrested. If she sent nude photos of herself to an underage child then she is now a sex offender and she has committed a felony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another middle school counselor here. Yep, pretty common. Still quite worrisome, but not outside the bounds of predictable 14-yeR-old behavior. Agree that safety, digital footprint, reputation, privacy would be my biggest concerns. Contact the providers to get any explicit images taken down if possible. Tell the school what’s going on so they can support you too and handle any fallout there. Read the recent New York Times article by Lisa D’Amour:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/02/well/family/teenagers-stop-asking-for-nude-photos.html

Wondering in what type of middle school you work? It's not at all "pretty common" where I work.

I’ve worked in public and private school. You’re naive to think it’s not happening in your school.

PP here. I didn't say it wasn't happening; I said it's not "pretty common."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call the police and have her arrested. If she sent nude photos of herself to an underage child then she is now a sex offender and she has committed a felony.

Yes, having your child convicted as a felony is a brilliant idea. You cant be serious.

[Anonymous]

Thankfully, I have not had this problem. I have a 15 yo who has shown no interest in boys or dating. (She is interested in sex, though).

My advice is 1) get her into therapy, 2) try to make her understand that you send a pic, you do not know what the recipient does, 3) technically, it is kiddie porn.

Unless she comes to her senses (she won't; she is 14), it is up to you to clamp down to protect her: 1) no phone. 2) no unsupervised internet access. I would say no internet access, but realistically, she needs it for school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call the police and have her arrested. If she sent nude photos of herself to an underage child then she is now a sex offender and she has committed a felony.

While true on its face, many states have specific statutes to address this situation so a child doesn’t have to be a Megan’s Law offender for life or a long time, so you may be wrong, depending on the state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, obviously you have a lot of stuff going on with her. Sexting at 14 is unusual behavior. I suspect it's not the only troubling thing she does.

You need a global approach for dealing with her. This isn't about a phone, this is about a child exhibiting very troubling behavior that is quite dangerous. I would advise you not to get caught up in nonsense details like what kind of phone she has and look at the bigger picture.

She needs help. You have 4 years to get it under control and then you can't make her do Jack shit. Four years sounds like a long time, everyone on here will tell you is a blink.

Get her help. Get her help.

You're right she needs help. You're wrong that it's atypical behavior. Welcome to 2018 (or 2015 really).

I know what year it is. I have teenagers and I work with teenagers. Sexting at 14 is not unheard of but it is not typical. It's a sign of a very trouble kid.

+1 I work in a middle school. Although certainly quite a few do it, sexting is not typical behavior for the average 14 year old girl.

It’s time for a psychiatrist, honestly. This sort of behavior is indicative of a handful of mental illnesses (which often become clear around puberty).

[Anonymous]

You people really need some education in technology. What are you, a bunchbof lawers and govie administrators?

No need to shut down wifi. Yiu need to control thr content at the router level, based upon IP. You then need to review the logs. I dont even have kids doing these things, so i dont lock anything down, but i sure as hell review the logs to makes sure if there is anything questionable i can get ahead of it. There is zero privacy for anyine in our house who uses wifi.

Visibility into mobile data is a no brainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call the police and have her arrested. If she sent nude photos of herself to an underage child then she is now a sex offender and she has committed a felony.

YOU are nuts!!!! Jesus Christ! I hope you haven't procreated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call the police and have her arrested. If she sent nude photos of herself to an underage child then she is now a sex offender and she has committed a felony.

Yes, having your child convicted as a felony is a brilliant idea. You cant be serious.

Dp. Why not? The responses on here make it seem hopeless that op (or any parent, really) can get their kid under control. Desperate times call for desparate measures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call the police and have her arrested. If she sent nude photos of herself to an underage child then she is now a sex offender and she has committed a felony.

YOU are nuts!!!! Jesus Christ! I hope you haven't procreated.

What lengths would you go to to protect your child? I would sure as hell report my kid for sending kiddie porn!

[Anonymous]

Putting myself in a 15 or 16 yo boy's shoes and the girl providing me nudes and intercourse got her phone taken away: I'd just give her an old disconnected iPhone or Android phone from my house she can use on wi-fi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she can't use an old iphone without being on someone's plan. Plans need to be paid for, and have user agreements. Whose paying for her plan?

Oh, and show her this:

https://www.aclu.org/blog/juvenile-justice/minnesota-prosecutor-charges-sexting-teenage-girl-child-pornography

No, you can use Iphone without any plan with free wi-fi. She is texting, not calling.