Help me get past this

[Anonymous]

OP, I mean this seriously, you do need to work on yourself and therapy is a good idea. Your daughter must know she's disappointing you. You rattle off her statistics (my God, IQ?) like she's some kind of athlete in competition. Anything less than perfection is some kind of failure (2 B's is a problem?). And the measure of her value will be where she gets into college. I have seen how this goes and as she gets closer and closer to actually applying her mental health could take a real hit.

In other words, stop worrying about her, worry about yourself. She's fine; you're the problem.

[Anonymous]

NP here -- OP, you seem fine to me, and the fact that you later posted your initial vent it made you feel better is also good. You are paying a lot of money for private school, you want your child to feel motivated to succeed and, if she is able to do so, you'd like her to because you know that just gives her more choices. While some folks here think the fact you know your DDS grades and IQ is some sort of sign of obsessiveness warranting a conclusion that you need therapy is absurd. It would be just as absurd as saying that posters who do not know this basic facts about their kids are necessarily irresponsible parents. All that said, I agree with posters who point out that not getting top grades to get into a top college is by no means the end of your DD's life in science. Many kids do better in college than in high school. Some privates can seem more rigorous and harder graders than some universities. Take it one step at a time.

[Anonymous]

Just love your kid and support them.

[Anonymous]

What’s been helpful for me is hearing some of my co-workers stories of their kids over the years. The kids don’t always have the top testing or have the perfect grades. However when things click for the kids and they are willing to work hard for what they decide they what to pursue it has ended up working out in the long run. Someone had a child where it happened 11th grade, so he didn’t have the grades to get into the college he wanted. He worked hard at the college he went to, brought in top grades, transferred to a college that had one of the top programs in that field and a strong alumni, graduated as one of the top students in the department, and had a job in his field when he graduated.

I understand the idea that you want your child to have options and choices. But I always balance that with letting my kids know there is more than one path ...the other path may be harder but that doesn’t mean you can’t get there. I try to look at the big picture of what they need in life when they graduate from high school and are legally adults. Are they able to advocate for themselves in different situations - roommates, work, school work, health concerns, finances. I was one of the top students in high school but speaking up for myself much less leading other people did not come naturally and not having the skills made my career journey harder. Do they have what they need to be emotionally healthy? Do they understand actions and consequences and take responsibility for their actions? I know in the teenage brain the risk taking is more active than thinking out the consequences. Even with that I want my kids to understand they will be held to the consequences of their actions. If you choose not to turn in homework that low A becomes a B. That B may have an impact or can make it that much harder if you decide you want to do X. As a parent I try to keep things from going too far off the rails while they find their path realizing it may be different from my own.

[Anonymous]

OP I understand how you feel - you only want the best for your kid. But I think as many posters have said your child's depression and mental health issues are probably the biggest issue here, and her school performance secondary.
I say this with kindness- get yourself into therapy to share these feeling of fear and disappointment. This will help your child. I know you think you are not telegraphing these feelings but
kids are smart and your daughter may sense your worry and fear. As parents we sometimes need help keeping ourselves in check to best support our kids. Best of luck.