Help me get past this

[Anonymous]

My DD is a sophomore at a very good private (think Big 3 but we are in a different city). Her IQ is about 135 and she did well in public until high school. She switched to private and so far, every semester has gotten 2 Bs (always language and math) and he rest As. She wants to major in science and I'm concerned she is blowing her chances to get into a good school for science with the consistently middling math grades (she is taking advanced math but can't, for the life of her, get an A). She does well on homework, etc, but gets low grades on tests and the final.

I'm paying a small fortune for the school and I can't help but worry that it's a waste of money (we are in a great public district where no one send their kid to private). She's happy there, so I guess I should take solace in that. She's fine with her grades and thinks they are ok. She was depressed last year, so this year, she's decided she doesn't care (which is probably part of her therapy). Last year, she did virtually no ECs. This year she has a couple. Nothing super impressive, but one is a club that she started with a friend, so that's something.

I guess I'm not really looking for advice, maybe a reality check, and a way to not be angry with her for being ok with mediocrity. Before everyone piles on, which you undoubtedly will, I am super supportive of her. I don't say these things to her. I say them to myself and I'm actually trying to find a way to be ok with her being who she is. I just don't get how a kid that has the intelligence isn't rising to the top. I'd love to understand why she tests so poorly and what can be done to help. I'd also love ideas on how to motivate her.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy for yourself OP. Your daughter is fine. Learn to accept her the way she is.

[Anonymous]

You know what? This is OP here. Just getting that out made me feel better. I just needed to vent. You are right, she is a fantastic girl and I'm so lucky that she is a great person.

[Anonymous]

If she was doing well in public and it is a well respected school, why did you switch to private? Have you ever asked your daughter whether she would prefer to go back to her public school?

[Anonymous]

The college your child attends will not determine her success in life. I went to a public university and have worked with people who attended Ivy League universities and can barely function as adults in society, as well as brilliant, creative and talented folks from schools I’ve never heard of. Your daughter is working hard and is a motivated individual. It’s tough to be a teenager applying to colleges these days. She’s doing what she can and what is best for her right now. You need to be her safe harbor. Whatever stress you feel is 1,000 times worse in her hormone-ravaged brain. Just encourage her to do her best and build up her confidence to go after what she wants, whether it’s a career as a poet, professor, plumber or physician. What gets you through life is being able to get up everyday and handle whatever life throws at you. That’s how you succeed. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she was doing well in public and it is a well respected school, why did you switch to private? Have you ever asked your daughter whether she would prefer to go back to her public school?

She asked to go to private. She is somewhat quirky and didn't fit in at the public school. She is happy at her private school overall, which I am happy about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she was doing well in public and it is a well respected school, why did you switch to private? Have you ever asked your daughter whether she would prefer to go back to her public school?

She asked to go to private. She is somewhat quirky and didn't fit in at the public school. She is happy at her private school overall, which I am happy about.

You already have your answer. If she didn’t fit in to public then why would you send her back. If she is struggling with those subjects in private I don’t think she would suddenly excel in public in any event. Don’t put added pressure on her to go to an elite college because that isn’t likely to happen. Focus on what makes her happy and be content with that. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Could be she's sensing on some level of consciousness that you're not happy with her school performance, and that's affecting her assessment success. Or could be an undiagnosed learning challenge. Sounds like something might be going on, but your daughter seems to be handling things as best as she can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she was doing well in public and it is a well respected school, why did you switch to private? Have you ever asked your daughter whether she would prefer to go back to her public school?

She asked to go to private. She is somewhat quirky and didn't fit in at the public school. She is happy at her private school overall, which I am happy about.

She can major in science at any school. I would not worry. Advanced math is hard at these schools; colleges should know that too.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone can get an A in advanced Math courses. People have different talents. My son does not care about grades and is a "slacker," but Math comes easily to him, and he gets an A without effort or studying. He does not get A's in classes which would seem to be "easier" but require him to put forth more effort. It sounds like your daughter is a hard worker, which is more valuable than being able to get an A in Math, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

OMG.

Get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Typing this out may have made you feel better you still need to get therapy.

Therapy does not mean you are crazy but your reaction to a few As is unhealthy and I have no doubt your daughter is picking up on your subtle cues and you are making her feel bad about herself.

You need tools to change your unhealthy pattern.

[Anonymous]

I have a high IQ but math was my weakest subject. I did great in science, even going to a college to take biology when I was 15, because the course offered at the high school wasn't challenging enough. I'm also naturally great at taking tests, so I scored high even in math because of that. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and a high IQ does not mean that you're going to be great at every subject. Your daughter sounds amazing, and if she's happy, that's what matters. I just went through a year with my daughter on suicide watch. She's now in a different school, is off her meds, and is happy again. I'm thankful that I still have her. It was a harrowing experience, and one I hope that I never have to repeat. Hugs, OP. I think you're both doing great!

[Anonymous]

I have an IQ of 135 (I was tested in childhood and as a teenager thx to my mother who sent me for testing. She recently gave me all these score reports as she and my dad downsize).

135 isn't genius level. Some things come easily to me (writing, analysis, etc). Others do not. I had to work really hard in college math and physics to grasp any concepts beyond the basics. My husband looks at the stuff and it intuitively makes sense. His IQ is similar to mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an IQ of 135 (I was tested in childhood and as a teenager thx to my mother who sent me for testing. She recently gave me all these score reports as she and my dad downsize).

135 isn't genius level. Some things come easily to me (writing, analysis, etc). Others do not. I had to work really hard in college math and physics to grasp any concepts beyond the basics. My husband looks at the stuff and it intuitively makes sense. His IQ is similar to mine.

+1

And frankly, even geniuses don't understand everything equally well. People's brains are wired differently, and so they have different gifts and struggles.

Your daughter can study science at pretty much any college or university, and some schools you've never heard of have great specialized programs. Stop judging her against a standard of perfection. She's working hard and trying her best, and that is what you should be proud of.