My wife is an alcoholic

[Anonymous]

My mother is a highly-functioning alcoholic. Finding out was devastating because of all of the years or deception.

Everyone else has given you good advice for the near-term, but long-term know that you may start to second guess whether you overreacted or they don't really have a problem. The denial is thick with alcoholism and it becomes easy to believe the alcoholic's spin on things. Don't. You haven't overreacted. It's probably been going on longer than you know. This will have an enormous impact on your kids and you should trust your instincts. You are taking action for them.

Strangely enough, it was watching an interview with Elizabeth Vargas that let it fully sink in that my perfect has it all together parent really did have this problem.

[Anonymous]

Like the upthread wife who blames her husband's emotional affair for her drinking, be prepared for your wife to blame you when you bring this up. This is what alcoholics do: deny deny deny they have a problem. "You drink too." "What, I can't relax?" "It was a party! People drink!" When that doesn't work, they pivot to "well if I drink it's because you _______."

It's all about justification. There WILL be some reason she brings up that holds you responsible for why she drinks. Just brace yourself. Don't argue. Just say "Ok" and keep repeating this is about getting her help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 99% sure. I’ve been finding empty bottles around the house, found some in her car, and she was clearly drunk at a neighborhood Christmas party and I had to bring her home. Last night I walked downstairs and she was on the couch with at least 6 beer cans around her. Brought her upstairs to bed. I sleep like a rock but she must have gone downstairs last night because this morning six more beer cans were gone. I just got home from work and found an entire bottle of wine buried at the bottom of the recycling bin so she was clearly trying to hide it from me but.

She’s held it together that I know of so far but I don’t even know where to begin.

Nothing you can do.9

It's all about the patriarchy and institutional racism.

Or Obama, illegal aliens, and a Klinton Konspiracy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law is a full on alcoholic. Manages, though, to keep a job! Is up in the morning. Her husband makes sure she has enough alcohol from 5 pm on. She can't remember anything the next day. Fascinating to watch.

kids? This stresses me out. Why is husband making sure she has enough alcohol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law is a full on alcoholic. Manages, though, to keep a job! Is up in the morning. Her husband makes sure she has enough alcohol from 5 pm on. She can't remember anything the next day. Fascinating to watch.

kids? This stresses me out. Why is husband making sure she has enough alcohol?

Because some people conflate enabling with love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there done that OP. Unless your ready for years of denial, "lost money", dysfunctional kids, leave and take the kids with you. Take pictures of all the empties around her when she is passed out, it will help with custody issues. The pictures I took convinced the judge to give me full custody. That was 7 years ago and we are in a much better place right now.

The best legal advice to get away clean-and-clear.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law is a full on alcoholic. Manages, though, to keep a job! Is up in the morning. Her husband makes sure she has enough alcohol from 5 pm on. She can't remember anything the next day. Fascinating to watch.

Probably in combination of drugs (prescribed and otherwise) to keep her functioning as a zombie, which the corporations welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law is a full on alcoholic. Manages, though, to keep a job! Is up in the morning. Her husband makes sure she has enough alcohol from 5 pm on. She can't remember anything the next day. Fascinating to watch.

Probably in combination of drugs (prescribed and otherwise) to keep her functioning as a zombie, which the corporations welcome.

This sounds awful. Can't trust a family that would do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been there done that OP. Unless your ready for years of denial, "lost money", dysfunctional kids, leave and take the kids with you. Take pictures of all the empties around her when she is passed out, it will help with custody issues. The pictures I took convinced the judge to give me full custody. That was 7 years ago and we are in a much better place right now.

The best legal advice to get away clean-and-clear.

+1000000

+1 now adult child of an alcoholic Mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coming from an alcoholic wife, don't put her on the defensive when you try to talk to her. She needs help, and there is an underlying reason that she's drinking. In my case, my husband had an emotional affair, not physical, but it devastated me. I am working my way out of this pit. He and I talk honestly, I am aware that I have a problem, but he admits and is truly remorseful for his part in it. I have slowed down a lot, am trying to quit, and the best thing that he does for me is that he doesn't nag at me or preach at me. He supports me and holds me, and listens to me. Watch "When A Man Loves A Woman". Your post reminded me of that movie. You and she will be in my thoughts.

Bullshit. You choose to drink. The emotional affair doesn’t cause you to drink. You chose that method of dealing with your problem.

[Anonymous]

Update: on Christmas Day, after the kids went to bed, I told her she needed to get help, absolute non-negotiable if she wanted to stay married.

She spent five days in an inpatient program, and now sees an AODA counselor once a week as well as a “regular” therapist for counseling once a week as well.

Four months sober on Thursday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update: on Christmas Day, after the kids went to bed, I told her she needed to get help, absolute non-negotiable if she wanted to stay married.

She spent five days in an inpatient program, and now sees an AODA counselor once a week as well as a “regular” therapist for counseling once a week as well.

Four months sober on Thursday.

That's great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Update: on Christmas Day, after the kids went to bed, I told her she needed to get help, absolute non-negotiable if she wanted to stay married.

She spent five days in an inpatient program, and now sees an AODA counselor once a week as well as a “regular” therapist for counseling once a week as well.

Four months sober on Thursday.

That's great!

+1 Thanks for updating!

[Anonymous]

Bravo!

[Anonymous]

That is awesome!

Very good to hear this. One day at a time, right? : )