Is 40 too old for a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 40 and we're TTC our second now. Our dd is almost 2. We've been trying longer this time and I miscarried (very early) a few months ago. My doctor cautioned that getting a staying pregnant will be harder at this age, but not to lose hope. Based on that, my only advice would be to start soon if you decide to start trying.

I feel compelled to chime in here, but just make sure you get your thyroid tested and that your tsh is under 2.5. Thyroid issues often hit women in their late 30's and can cause problems ttc, and they frequently go undiagnosed. Many labs use outdated ranges so you could be told it's "normal" when it's not. I myself wasted a couple of years when this particular problem could have been easily solved.

[Anonymous]

How old is your first child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, yes.

If I had no children and just got married? I would definitely try to have a baby.

But at 40, I have children and do not want to start that part over.

This is me, too. If I had no kids, being 40 would not stop me from trying. But I already had two kids when we considered one more at 40 and decided that better not to chance it -- quit while we are ahead. If we had a first at 40 who turned out to have significant special needs, fine. But when you are talking about a third, (or second or fourth or whatever), all of that affects your older children, too. Something to consider ...

This is how i feel too. I am 41 and have 2 healthy children but really want a third.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'll say this. Being fifty-EIGHT when you become an empty nester (...optimistically.), not to mention raising teenagers in your mid to late 50s, is too old. Your peers will all be becoming grandparents by that point! You'll be exhausted and checked out, and it's not fair to your child either.

[Anonymous]

Im having my second three weeks before my 39th birthday and am terrified. But I'm a big sissy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'll say this. Being fifty-EIGHT when you become an empty nester (...optimistically.), not to mention raising teenagers in your mid to late 50s, is too old. Your peers will all be becoming grandparents by that point! You'll be exhausted and checked out, and it's not fair to your child either.

No. Our children will have children even later than we did. There will be hardly any grandparents under 60 in 30 years. Except for teen moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'll say this. Being fifty-EIGHT when you become an empty nester (...optimistically.), not to mention raising teenagers in your mid to late 50s, is too old. Your peers will all be becoming grandparents by that point! You'll be exhausted and checked out, and it's not fair to your child either.

Whatever, I had nobody to take care of for my entire 20s and 30s...I really don't care if I'm "old" when I become an empty nester, I've travelled a ton, had a blast...its fine. Also, staying healthy goes a long way. My child will be fine, as will OP's if she has another one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'll say this. Being fifty-EIGHT when you become an empty nester (...optimistically.), not to mention raising teenagers in your mid to late 50s, is too old. Your peers will all be becoming grandparents by that point! You'll be exhausted and checked out, and it's not fair to your child either.

Pure hogwash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'll say this. Being fifty-EIGHT when you become an empty nester (...optimistically.), not to mention raising teenagers in your mid to late 50s, is too old. Your peers will all be becoming grandparents by that point! You'll be exhausted and checked out, and it's not fair to your child either.

Whatever, I had nobody to take care of for my entire 20s and 30s...I really don't care if I'm "old" when I become an empty nester, I've travelled a ton, had a blast...its fine. Also, staying healthy goes a long way. My child will be fine, as will OP's if she has another one.

I don't understand the old mom vs. young mom drama. There are definite benefits to having kids younger, however, there are also many benefits to having kids older. It does not have to be a competition among moms. I did not marry until 36, had my first child at 40 and second at 41. I feel great, I love being a mom, I would not change a thing. I lived my life to the fullest when I was in my 20's and 30's, but I love this new era in my life. Don't allow anyone on an anonymous message board tell you that you are too old and give you "medical facts". Talk to your doctor, talk to your husband and make the best decision for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it is. 38 with a newborn. I don't think I could do this at 40

Ok, this made me laugh! You act like there is a HUGE difference between 38 and 40!!

I have a 1 and 2 year old at 42. It really depends on the person.

[Anonymous]

All of you are going to judge me but my husband and I just adopted a baby and I am 49 and he is 51. We tried and tried to become parents for many years and we finally are and couldn't be happier. Our families and friends are supportive too. I don't feel too old for this even though my friends have teenagers.

FWIW. We keep ourselves in shape and are able to do all the physical stuff for/with a baby toddler. We hike, ski, run, swim, etc.

We did think about it and went in with the attitude of "we are going to be x age either way so we should go for it. Also for those of you who will tell me how unfair it is to saddle a child with parents who will die or get sick when he is young, I lost my mother to cancer at 6. On the other hand, the rest of my blood relatives lived well into their 90's. Life is a crapshoot.

[Anonymous]

I had mine at 35 and 38. I'm about to turn 40 and I'm done. However, if we hadn't had our 2nd, I would absolutely still be trying now. Yes, the occurrence of chromosomal abnormalities and other complications does increase with maternal age. You take care of yourself, you take advantage of diagnostic testing and medical interventions if that's your thing (or don't! that's fine too!), and you deal with the impacts of your choices just like you would at any other age. If I had my kids in my early 20s there would have been consequences, sacrifices, risks, and joys - just different ones. That's life!

[Anonymous]

Would i have a 3rd baby at 40? No.
Would i try and have a first? Yes, because I would want the chance to be a mother.

I had a ton of energy at 40 (really it was indistinguishable from 30 or 35).
Now I'm closer to 45 and I just feel different. It's weird.
I'm active, I'm healthy, I'm thin, I eat well but I just feel different. I feel older.
It crept up somewhere between 42 and 44.
Would I want a 4 or 5 year old now or a BABY? NO! I shudder at it.

I think a lot of it is mental too. As I've aged I've become more...selfish? I like quiet time more. I like structure more. I feel a need to reclaim (or claim) myself and my interests and hobbies---at least on the margin of life.
The chaos of young kids which was so awesome when I was 35 seems really unappealing now.

[Anonymous]

I conceived twice at 40 - miscarried once and carried a healthy baby to term (gave birth at 41). It was a year of incredible heartbreak and incredible joy. This was my second child; first was three when younger sibling was born. I don’t feel too old to be parenting my young children - was not ready emotionally or otherwise when younger and am fit, eat healthy, all that jazz. I don’t have experience parenting a teen in my 50s but I don’t imagine it would be a cake walk in my 40s either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to be done by 37 or else the baby may be deformed or mental problem due to ama

Hate to break it to you, but younger moms have babies with problems as well. And many over 40 have perfectly healthy children.

Learn to read your own stats. Vast majority of births over 40 are healthy.

Learn to read.

Are you misreading the x axis on the yellow chart or what? PP is right