s/o- thanksgiving dinner at bedtime

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting that you are reproving your MIL for being too rigid with her timing but yet you are doing the same thing, OP. As a mother of 5, I certainly "get" the need for structure and routine, including bedtimes. But I think you are missing two BIG opportunities here.

The first opportunity is to teach your son that family is important and sometimes that means compromising on your own schedule/routine. This is especially significant when showing your child how to show respect for his/your elders.

The second and more important opportunity is how to teach your child some flexibility. It is a great skill to have, to be flexible, and it is a hard skill to learn when children get older. Like learning a primary language, this is one that is best taught young. Children should learn how to adapt and how to self-soothe. You can help your child learn that skill by exercising a little flexibility with this dinner schedule. Perhaps you could put your child down for his afternoon nap a little later and tire him out a lot before so that he sleeps later, wakes later and is able to stay awake later. Then after dinner at his grandmas, change him into his jammies so he can fall asleep in the car home.

One final thought, OP. Your child has a limited amount of time with his grandparent, OP, do you really want to teach him that minor things in life like this are worthy of drawing lines in the sand? It sounds like you are stomping your feet in your message to your MIL. It sounds equally like she has a message for you. Are you hearing it? Remember that this is a woman who loves your husband and loves your son and who probably also loves you. Be gracious. She won't be here forever and when she is gone do you really want to look back on your behavior to reflect on how you "showed her" what's what?

You sound like someone who is at least 15 years removed from having a 2 year old. The kid is 2, not 8 or 9 or 12, in which case MAYBE the message above holds some water. And you know what? Some of us don't believe in reflexive respect for elders. Some elders are utterly unworthy of that respect. Some have some lessons of their own they need to learn. Imagine that!

Actually our youngest just turned 7 so it has only been 5 years. And I work with children in a therapeutic setting so I have a lot of familiarity with child development principles and the reality of a child's growth as well as family relationships. Early childhood, at about 6 months so before the child can even walk in fact, is when parents should start to teach and train their young children with skills like flexibility and self-soothing. To give you a relative behavior perspective, that is about the time when a child in your arms will use his or her eyes to follow an object like a ball that you drop from shoulder height.

I am not sure why you are so adamant about not respecting other people, including your elders. You have (hopefully!) a long life ahead of you and a lot of the time it will involve interacting with people who are older than you. Life is too short to be so sullen and surly and unhappy. You might want to consider why you have the attitude you do and then consider ways to improve it so that life goes more smoothly and happily for you. Research shows that people who hold grudges or have to get even are not as happy in the long run as people who are able to get over and up life's little hurdles, especially their interactions with other people and interpersonal relationships. If you don't believe me then you should go to WaPo and read the article in last week's Health section about this very same subject. It is an easy-to-read and timely reminder to us all that we choose our perspective and we choose our attitude. Life offers a lot of choices and it is what we make of it. Choose wisely for your own benefit if not for the benefit of others. Good luck and best wishes for a happy Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

I am confused because I thought at 2 yo, a kid can take a huge nap from like 1 pm to 3-4pm and be ok until about 10 pm or later? A lot of my friends (not Americans) are looking for things to do with kid from like 5-8 pm. Kids are 2-4 yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting that you are reproving your MIL for being too rigid with her timing but yet you are doing the same thing, OP. As a mother of 5, I certainly "get" the need for structure and routine, including bedtimes. But I think you are missing two BIG opportunities here.

The first opportunity is to teach your son that family is important and sometimes that means compromising on your own schedule/routine. This is especially significant when showing your child how to show respect for his/your elders.

The second and more important opportunity is how to teach your child some flexibility. It is a great skill to have, to be flexible, and it is a hard skill to learn when children get older. Like learning a primary language, this is one that is best taught young. Children should learn how to adapt and how to self-soothe. You can help your child learn that skill by exercising a little flexibility with this dinner schedule. Perhaps you could put your child down for his afternoon nap a little later and tire him out a lot before so that he sleeps later, wakes later and is able to stay awake later. Then after dinner at his grandmas, change him into his jammies so he can fall asleep in the car home.

One final thought, OP. Your child has a limited amount of time with his grandparent, OP, do you really want to teach him that minor things in life like this are worthy of drawing lines in the sand? It sounds like you are stomping your feet in your message to your MIL. It sounds equally like she has a message for you. Are you hearing it? Remember that this is a woman who loves your husband and loves your son and who probably also loves you. Be gracious. She won't be here forever and when she is gone do you really want to look back on your behavior to reflect on how you "showed her" what's what?

I am a new poster. If this were a large party with lots of relatives with older children or no children, I would agree that OP should be flexible and let her kid stay up late. But she said the only other people there are her Inlaws and sister in law. In this situation it is completely obnoxious of the in laws to not be more accommodating with OP's schedule and move dinner an hour earlier. She is not asking to eat at 4:00. The grandparents are being jerks. So yes, with this I would draw a line in the sand. They would not get "respect" from me in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't mean to spark a big debate. I said what I needed to MIL and really just needed to set a precedence that for this holiday and future ones, if its just immediate family, the meal needs to be at a more reasonable hour. There is no need to sit at the table until midnight (what MIL would like to do and wants to do especially on Christmas Eve) when it is just the immediate 6 family members present.

my side of the family is huge- 30 plus people at a gathering. in a situation like this.. I am extremely flexible. and would never ask for mealtime consideration for a toddler. You figure it out.. go late/come early/come for apps. With respect to my inlaws I also realize that since we are half of the party and a lot of effort goes into cooking, we should be there for the actual dinner! WE spend the entire day there, help cook, kid takes a nap there, etc, There are no other time constraints (no one is working or has other gatherings to attend), etc., so we can eat before 8PM.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Your kid will sleep there in the afternoon but not at night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting that you are reproving your MIL for being too rigid with her timing but yet you are doing the same thing, OP. As a mother of 5, I certainly "get" the need for structure and routine, including bedtimes. But I think you are missing two BIG opportunities here.

The first opportunity is to teach your son that family is important and sometimes that means compromising on your own schedule/routine. This is especially significant when showing your child how to show respect for his/your elders.

The second and more important opportunity is how to teach your child some flexibility. It is a great skill to have, to be flexible, and it is a hard skill to learn when children get older. Like learning a primary language, this is one that is best taught young. Children should learn how to adapt and how to self-soothe. You can help your child learn that skill by exercising a little flexibility with this dinner schedule. Perhaps you could put your child down for his afternoon nap a little later and tire him out a lot before so that he sleeps later, wakes later and is able to stay awake later. Then after dinner at his grandmas, change him into his jammies so he can fall asleep in the car home.

One final thought, OP. Your child has a limited amount of time with his grandparent, OP, do you really want to teach him that minor things in life like this are worthy of drawing lines in the sand? It sounds like you are stomping your feet in your message to your MIL. It sounds equally like she has a message for you. Are you hearing it? Remember that this is a woman who loves your husband and loves your son and who probably also loves you. Be gracious. She won't be here forever and when she is gone do you really want to look back on your behavior to reflect on how you "showed her" what's what?

Oh please. Parents of 5 do whatever and drag their kids around. Just stop.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest the same I suggested on the original thread. Some sleep engineering! A huge late afternoon nap will get the kid through the supper!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am confused because I thought at 2 yo, a kid can take a huge nap from like 1 pm to 3-4pm and be ok until about 10 pm or later? A lot of my friends (not Americans) are looking for things to do with kid from like 5-8 pm. Kids are 2-4 yo.

Do you have kids? Mine won't take a huge nap to stay up later. Come 7:30 she asks to go to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't mean to spark a big debate. I said what I needed to MIL and really just needed to set a precedence that for this holiday and future ones, if its just immediate family, the meal needs to be at a more reasonable hour. There is no need to sit at the table until midnight (what MIL would like to do and wants to do especially on Christmas Eve) when it is just the immediate 6 family members present.

my side of the family is huge- 30 plus people at a gathering. in a situation like this.. I am extremely flexible. and would never ask for mealtime consideration for a toddler. You figure it out.. go late/come early/come for apps. With respect to my inlaws I also realize that since we are half of the party and a lot of effort goes into cooking, we should be there for the actual dinner! WE spend the entire day there, help cook, kid takes a nap there, etc, There are no other time constraints (no one is working or has other gatherings to attend), etc., so we can eat before 8PM.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Precedent.

[Anonymous]

I thought of this post when my 2 year old stayed up very late last night just due to travel delays.
She still woke up early this morning and I just put her down for a nap. I think it will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Let us know how it goes today, OP!

[Anonymous]

My dad and his wife always thought it was very cute when my toddler son slept through late meals.

I would have thought it was cute, too, if there'd been food to eat earlier.

Sorry. I think you guys should just eat and run. This is silly for a dinner that has no one else at it. That time is just too late on a weekday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am confused because I thought at 2 yo, a kid can take a huge nap from like 1 pm to 3-4pm and be ok until about 10 pm or later? A lot of my friends (not Americans) are looking for things to do with kid from like 5-8 pm. Kids are 2-4 yo.

Do you have kids? Mine won't take a huge nap to stay up later. Come 7:30 she asks to go to bed.

Mine as well, she’s almost two. Wakes at 6:30 and Takes an almost 3 hr nap at 12:30 and is still in bed at 7:30. Kids are different. Mine likes to sleep and is a lovely fun kid otherwise. If she’s under napped or up a lot past her bedtime she’s cranky and unpleasant for everyone. Thankfully we live close to grandma and she has a room all set up for her and dd has gone to bed there many ones while we have a nice evening dinner. So we eat at 6 and I? out her to bed before 8 and we continue to enjoy our evening and stay over and get breakfast the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree and this is one of the times I would be flexible with my 2 yo's bed time. Definitely feed him before, when he's hungry (6pm) but I'm sure for one night you can keep him up until 9pm, or if he's so unbelieably tired I'm sure he will fall asleep in Grandma's bed. Bring his PJ's and change him before you leave.

Agree. This is how I would handle it.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am confused because I thought at 2 yo, a kid can take a huge nap from like 1 pm to 3-4pm and be ok until about 10 pm or later? A lot of my friends (not Americans) are looking for things to do with kid from like 5-8 pm. Kids are 2-4 yo.

Do you have kids? Mine won't take a huge nap to stay up later. Come 7:30 she asks to go to bed.

I do! Mine used to nap like 1-4 if I let him when he was around 3. I remember having to stay up late because he just wouldn't go to bed!

[Anonymous]

What did you do, OP?