Does your teen let your follow him on social media?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I must be the only parent that does not need to know every gory detail of my kids lives. My parents certainly did not. I let them have some space. Their grads are good, they play sports, they stay out of trouble, they are respectful, and they babysit part time for extra money. As far as I'm concerned, I don't need to worry about every single indiscretion and they can spend some time figuring some things out on their own by trial and error.

Most of us don't.

+1

It is the parents who have punk kids, who assume every other kid is a punk. Try communicating with your own child.

Yup. Dont need to micromanage every aspect of their lives. At this point, I hope Ive given them a solid foundation to make decent choices, or at least as decent as one would expect out of a teenager. I definitely dont need to be followinf their snapchats or whaever else they are using.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm really torn about it. I have monitored him since he was 13. Initially his account was logged in on my phone and I saw everything. Eventually when I saw he used it responsibility, I logged out and followed. It has been only the past month that he blocked me from seeing stories. He is really starting to come into his own and expecting more privacy. He is almost 17....on the verge of adulthood. He's an excellent student, and if more of a nerd socially than a partier. My sense is that it is time to start letting go. It's hard, but I do trust him to not do something stupid based on his past behavior on social media. I knew many here would disagree, but I thought it would start a dialogue about when it is time to loosen the strings.

In a year he could legally marry and join the military. It's fine for him to have social media you don't follow and not unusual for that to be his preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm really torn about it. I have monitored him since he was 13. Initially his account was logged in on my phone and I saw everything. Eventually when I saw he used it responsibility, I logged out and followed. It has been only the past month that he blocked me from seeing stories. He is really starting to come into his own and expecting more privacy. He is almost 17....on the verge of adulthood. He's an excellent student, and if more of a nerd socially than a partier. My sense is that it is time to start letting go. It's hard, but I do trust him to not do something stupid based on his past behavior on social media. I knew many here would disagree, but I thought it would start a dialogue about when it is time to loosen the strings.

In a year he could legally marry and join the military. It's fine for him to have social media you don't follow and not unusual for that to be his preference.

My friends daughter just had a complete breakdown at college and has been home for the entire week, not sure how she's handling not being in class. She goes to Duke and is a very smart girl. However, I've known her for 12 years and her mother has always micromanaged her. Jer mom even called her student advisor asking about a medical waiver and the SA advised tjr mom to have the daughter woek this out. My friend was incensed. From school to social media she has hovered over her (especially social media!). I feel like the daughter never learned to make mistakes or even cope with life in the slightest in her own. Now she's away at school (or was) and simply cannot hendle herself without mom holding her hand.

I think many parents these days are severely stunting their kids growth and causing them a hige disservice. When will these kiss be able to launch, or will many of them never launch?

I think monitoring your 16, nearly 17yr olds social media is very dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm really torn about it. I have monitored him since he was 13. Initially his account was logged in on my phone and I saw everything. Eventually when I saw he used it responsibility, I logged out and followed. It has been only the past month that he blocked me from seeing stories. He is really starting to come into his own and expecting more privacy. He is almost 17....on the verge of adulthood. He's an excellent student, and if more of a nerd socially than a partier. My sense is that it is time to start letting go. It's hard, but I do trust him to not do something stupid based on his past behavior on social media. I knew many here would disagree, but I thought it would start a dialogue about when it is time to loosen the strings.

In a year he could legally marry and join the military. It's fine for him to have social media you don't follow and not unusual for that to be his preference.

My friends daughter just had a complete breakdown at college and has been home for the entire week, not sure how she's handling not being in class. She goes to Duke and is a very smart girl. However, I've known her for 12 years and her mother has always micromanaged her. Jer mom even called her student advisor asking about a medical waiver and the SA advised tjr mom to have the daughter woek this out. My friend was incensed. From school to social media she has hovered over her (especially social media!). I feel like the daughter never learned to make mistakes or even cope with life in the slightest in her own. Now she's away at school (or was) and simply cannot hendle herself without mom holding her hand.

I think many parents these days are severely stunting their kids growth and causing them a hige disservice. When will these kiss be able to launch, or will many of them never launch?

I think monitoring your 16, nearly 17yr olds social media is very dysfunctional.

Agree. These kids are overworked and overmonitored. They are told they are the best and brightest. Don't make mistakes, etc.... Then they go off to college and commit suicides or have mental breakdowns. The kids have no resilience, have never learned to persevere thru failing times. No grit whatsoever. All the suicides at Columbia last year. Kids just jumping off parking garages. Thinking they are failing at life because they failed one mid term. Parents are failing and denying their kids serious life skills. It is really sad.

Of course you keep an eye on social media here and there. You take the phone nightly at bedtime so they can sleep. Young kids don't need the phone at all and older kids need to know it is not the end all that be all. The parents GPS tracking their kids? Telling them daily how they should act on social media, etc.. Too much. They are doing things behind your back regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm really torn about it. I have monitored him since he was 13. Initially his account was logged in on my phone and I saw everything. Eventually when I saw he used it responsibility, I logged out and followed. It has been only the past month that he blocked me from seeing stories. He is really starting to come into his own and expecting more privacy. He is almost 17....on the verge of adulthood. He's an excellent student, and if more of a nerd socially than a partier. My sense is that it is time to start letting go. It's hard, but I do trust him to not do something stupid based on his past behavior on social media. I knew many here would disagree, but I thought it would start a dialogue about when it is time to loosen the strings.

In a year he could legally marry and join the military. It's fine for him to have social media you don't follow and not unusual for that to be his preference.

And can legally start paying for his phone bill..

[Anonymous]

OP, I think teens deserve a lot of privacy and freedom, but I also think that teens are in real danger of over consuming porn and misogynistic and racist media that damages them as human beings. I have seen this first hand.

[Anonymous]

I do not follow my teen on social media but I do have access to her phone and her accounts so when I want to I can look and see what she's been posting, who she is friends with, who is following her etc. She charges her phone downstairs at night and knows I look at it occasionally. Sometimes I will talk to her if I don't like a post I see by someone she knows or if I think she should stop following someone because of inappropriate content. She is receptive to this. I think it's important to teach her how to use social media safely and not to simply forbid it.

[Anonymous]

I am the marketing director for a company that takes on interns throughout the year. HR asks me to track down the applicants on social media before we call for an interview. You wouldn't believe some of the careless photos and statements I have found, and how easily I'm able to access that information. It obviously has prevented some applicants from being called, and also eliminated the hiring option at the end of the internship when I see that they have blatantly lied to us or would not represent the values of the company.

FWIW, I am 30 and had Facebook in college. I was friends with my dad, aunts and uncles, grandma, church people, my 4th grade teacher. I didn't hide anything that was posted, including photos of me at clubs, bars, drinking, etc. I deleted the account 6 months before I graduated and have had no social since then.