Does your teen let your follow him on social media?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm really torn about it. I have monitored him since he was 13. Initially his account was logged in on my phone and I saw everything. Eventually when I saw he used it responsibility, I logged out and followed. It has been only the past month that he blocked me from seeing stories. He is really starting to come into his own and expecting more privacy. He is almost 17....on the verge of adulthood. He's an excellent student, and if more of a nerd socially than a partier. My sense is that it is time to start letting go. It's hard, but I do trust him to not do something stupid based on his past behavior on social media. I knew many here would disagree, but I thought it would start a dialogue about when it is time to loosen the strings.

+1. This is how I'm going. Originally I monitored but now that DS has proven to be responsible on-line and in teen life in general, I'm lightening up. I will check things again when it's college application time, to make sure nothing is there that may be questionable. He also knows that at any time, out of the blue, his father or I may ask him to bring everything up so we can see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no "let."

This was my exact first thought, verbatim.

Either he lets you follow him or he loses his phone (or gets a flip phone with no internet capability), and the family computer/iPad has controls that don’t allow these sites/apps.

+1 For sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no "let."

+1

When my oldest was in middle school facebook was all the rage for kids his age. He decided not to get a facebook because he didn't want me following him (there was no option). Fine by me, to this day he never got facebook.

Things have changed a bit since then. When was this? 2010?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no "let."

This was my exact first thought, verbatim.

Either he lets you follow him or he loses his phone (or gets a flip phone with no internet capability), and the family computer/iPad has controls that don’t allow these sites/apps.

Haha! Good luck with that when your 12 year old is 16. Just wait!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who pays for the phone?

Honestly though, if you start it young, you will fairly quickly become disinterested. We very seldom look at any of our kids' social media stuff, we NEVER post comments, and we don't discuss anything that we do occasionally see. I think they've sort of forgotten that we lurk out there occasionally. We also don't draw attention to anything that might be edgy; we just let it go and would only intervene if we saw something that really threatened their safety or well-being.

+1

As long as my kids are minors or living in my home, I will follow them on social media. Period. I don't comment, I don't make a big deal, but even responsible kids can get in trouble on social media and may need some guidance about how to use it safely and responsibly.

[Anonymous]

What if they create accounts at school using their friends cell phones and won't let you follow them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if they create accounts at school using their friends cell phones and won't let you follow them?

That's why it is important to address communication and trust issues from the time your kids are very young. You can't go back and start over when you find out your kid is lying to you at age 16.

When we address these issues, we try to distill every incident down to this basic tenet of trust. This isn't about phones or social media; this is about lying. Every time a kid betrays that, they take a couple of steps back. If you lie, I can't trust you. If I can't trust you, you can't have the car, you can't go to someone's house that we don't know, you can't be unsupervised at home, etc. If we CAN trust you, you'll have more liberties, more freedom, etc., because we have more confidence that you are making good decisions.

[Anonymous]

You are all idiots. You can act like you are policing them but that is why every kids has Finstas. The Rinsta is for the family and school. The Finsta is for what they really want to do or say without their parents following.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no "let."

+1,000,000.

I wonder how many of these commenters have older teens. I felt this way when my DD was in early teens, but now that she is older, I see how things change and how parents need to adjust things. It's an issue of respect and trust when they get close to adulthood. Big difference between 13 and 17!!

Because these older teens have such better judgment?

https://www.buzzfeed.com/briannasacks/a-utah-high-school-is-investigating-a-video-showing-smiling?utm_term=.gizW7EJ4a#.wceRga4Z8

[Anonymous]

Only on the old people social media aka Facebook where there are nice photos and, if anyone bothers to Google, only fully appropriate photos come up (aka working in the garden, teaching kids, preparing for homecoming, cleaning the neighborhood).
I never wanted to follow on the other platforms, no reason for me to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if they create accounts at school using their friends cell phones and won't let you follow them?

That's why it is important to address communication and trust issues from the time your kids are very young. You can't go back and start over when you find out your kid is lying to you at age 16.

When we address these issues, we try to distill every incident down to this basic tenet of trust. This isn't about phones or social media; this is about lying. Every time a kid betrays that, they take a couple of steps back. If you lie, I can't trust you. If I can't trust you, you can't have the car, you can't go to someone's house that we don't know, you can't be unsupervised at home, etc. If we CAN trust you, you'll have more liberties, more freedom, etc., because we have more confidence that you are making good decisions.

I would argue that you create a situation that makes it impossible to not lie. If it was me, I would ask my friend to create an account and post for me, so, technically, it would not be my account. When I was a tween myself, my parents insisted on me eating soup. I would pour one spoon into a plate, eat it and report back that I ate soup. I was eating soup and I didn't want to lie.
It is not about trust, it's about not wanting to share some parts of your life.

[Anonymous]

What is Finsta?

[Anonymous]

She doesn't have a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't have a choice.

You can buy $200 phone and get a $35/month plan, which is couple of weeks of work during Christmas break or couple of months of the weekend work. If my parents were crazy about those social media rules, I would have gone this route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is Finsta?

fake instagram account.

Use a different email address, don't put your real name on the account. Have it hidden off the app. That is the ONLY way middle and high schoolers actually actively follow each other. The rinstas are for your family, okay friends, and schools. Your friends will like your nice homecoming dance pic and then you go on the finsta and see the after party pics and the kids roasting each other.