Anonymous wrote:I'd say I was going "out" and when I'd be home.
Never this.
We never let our kids just go "out." It is a set expectation that we know where you are going, who you are with, and what time you will be home. There's no curfew per se; just stick to the plan. If the plan changes, for example, you're going to Sam's house instead of Jake's, you let us know, or if you are stopping to get something to eat after the movie, you let us know.
I was counting days till college because my parents were asking all those questions. My parents still don't understand why I was so irked by those questions. None of those question stopped me from partying, I learned to hide well.
NP here. Do you have any actual advice for the OP so OP can do better than your parents did, or do you just want to brag about your powers of deception?
I don't think OP can as I don't think my parents could. All she can hoped for is that her kid is smart enough not to follow the crowd, not to eat and drink random stuff, not to be pressured into something she doesn't want to do and leave if it's uncomfortable. High school is too late to start with that, there were years prior to high school to talk about it and learn by example.
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"All she can hope for"? So OP is supposed to cross her fingers, hope she did a good job all these years, and simply acquiesce when her DD announces she's going somewhere? There's a thing called "No" she can use too, if DD balks at parents transporting her, or doesn't provide the names of other kids who are going, or can't connect her parents with the parents who supposedly are hosting. You make it sound as if once HS begins, parents should just shrug and hope for the best and have no ability to set conditions and use discipline if needed.
Transporting? I am not transporting kids to parties, it didn't even cross my mind. They have to figure out the way to pay for Uber (aka earn money for it). If they want to party, they have to do other things adults do. I learned couple of days ago that a "common" present from a parent to a kid, who is going to college,is a fake ID. That made for an interesting conversation as no way I can condone such a thing and I don't believe it's common. I am sure most of those parents will never tell me that they are doing it the same way I can only learn from kids that parents provide alcohol, not from parents.
They need to earn to pay for an Uber to get to parties? Right. They might take it one way if you're watching the pickup in front of your house. But if you really think they're going to spend their own money on Ubers or cabs to get places, you're more naïve than you think. They'll pile into cars with other kids from the party, sober or drunk. And if they do actually take an Uber home from a party and are drunk or high themselves, you're condoning their being in a vehicle with a total stranger while in a state where they're easy prey. You're so intent on not transporting your own kids, to make a point about "party like an adult, take an Uber like an adult," that you've got a huge blind spot. Your kids are going to end up being driven by drunk teens or by total strangers. Sounds like you're fine with that possibility, as long as they earned the money to pay for it.
Where we live teens use Uber, they don't drive to and from parties, it's just not the thing. I can see the charges, they use split fares. All I am saying, you should get to know your teen, not just set rules.
I know my teen. I don't know that Uber driver.
Maybe you use some regular driver you trust. But I wouldn't put my perfectly sober teen daughter into an Uber. Your "all I am saying is...not just set rules"? Well, that childhood rule about "don't get into cars with strangers" works pretty well for teens and adults too. Especially when the adults get sloppy, useless "background checks." You can look this problem up in seconds online but Uber's so very convenient, parents don't want to know....
Your issues with Uber is a separate story, I understand. Everyone has their own things they are afraid of. Should I not go to work because we had workplace shooting?
Anonymous wrote:RE: the plenty of houses for kids to party at............aren't people scared shitless of liability?! I feel like I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my HS kids alone if I thought they were the throw a party type and obviously I can't be in the house and not be liable, what are these parents thinking- just that odds are nothing bad will happen? I mean most of the time, no its not going to happen, but the bad stuff that does happen is REALLY bad so its big calculus there to make, rape DWI etc.
I have no idea. I was pretty surprised too about the parties. I thought this was more typical of a much richer town nearby where my friend grew up and lives. Her stories are crazy.
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