Life just feels like a slog

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You gotta do better prioritizing and planning OP. You can have an awesome life (you have your health, the rest is up to you!)

Listen to this:

http://www.asianefficiency.com/podcast/083-kendra-wright/

PP, I've read all this stuff. And I am perfectly capable of doing it. I can get it all done. It's not about that. It's about how I feel. I can be uber-productive but it just feels hollow and it all flies by and it all bleeds into a big blur. There's so much, and so much planning, that goes into making it all work. Home feels like work, too. I have two full time jobs, and I am manager at both. And yes, my husband is a great partner and he brings in his share of income and does his share of childcare, housework, etc. I'm sorry, but all these sites sell a myth. On an existential level I just do not derive meaning and satisfaction from being super-woman. It matters to me that I am providing for my family and my kids, but there is little joy in it. I would like more time for actual joy. For togetherness that is not planned because this is our one three hour window and by God we are going to cram some fucking fun in if it kills us!!!

And before anyone goes there, no I do not have money to hire a cleaner/nanny/cook/gardener.

OMG OP I am right there with you. Can we be best friends?

YES.

Yay! Finally, someone who GETS me!

Seriously, I am where OP is and I am seriously thinking of going part time. This would not have been a possibility to me 5 years ago.

Jealous girl but good for you. Maybe one day I will get there.

[Anonymous]

This book addresses how executive can have a richer life.

https://www.amazon.com/Total-Leadership-Better-Leader-Richer/dp/1422103285

The class is taught at UPenn, you can watch all the actual lectures on coursera.com. It was part of my training at work so I could do it during work hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I feel like a jerk for feeling this way. I've busted my ass to get educated and support my husband in getting a grad degree. I have a lovely home and two healthy children. I have a good job. But I am so. effing. TIRED. Every day feels like a rat race. I'm bored of my work. I am uninspired. I honestly wish my husband could land some amazing job and I could quit. I would take care of my toddler and volunteer at my older son's school and do other things in the community and take care of my garden and maybe have more time for friends and I wouldn't have to eat tacos and spaghetti and meatballs almost every fucking week because who the hell has time to cook anything that takes time, effort or mental energy?

I mean, I know this is not unique. I'm sure a lot of you feel this way too. Just venting.

What do you do to get out of these funks?

Take a hammer and break your finger with it. It may change your paradigm, at least temporarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you need TIME.... sounds like DH isn't working? If that's the case I'm not sure why you are doing the meal planning/shopping and cooking. That's definitely something he can step up with to help you find time to practice all the suggestions offered here.

No, he works. FT from home and handles a ton of things - kids doc appts, vet appts, home maintenance appts, etc. Everything is all busy-ness all the time. Is it too much to hope for the reverse 1950's, lol?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I'm with you. Working mom here of a K and 1st grader and yeah, I'm sick of it all too. It's not about getting outsourced help - I have a nanny/back up nanny for babysitting, housekeeping weekly, great DH who helps me and it's the same for both of us - it is a slog many weeks at a time. I go through dips and then times when I'm so busy I just can't really think about how things are

1. Do something really cool once in awhile - Les Miserables is coming to National Theater in Dec. See if you can pull some girlfriends (other moms - good opp. to get to develop a closer relationship with a casual friend) or your husband. You can get dressed up, see a show, it's an event. A movie + dinner works too. In other words, find an excuse to do something that is totally different than mom life

2. Take a day off work. Just do it. Sleep or do nothing, buy a pair of earrings going shopping, do anything but it's a few hours for you.

3. I have someone overnight my kids (old nanny/back up nanny) every now and then. It's like a sleepover - it gets the kids out of the house for 1 night. You can have family do it, kids' friend sleepover if old enough, etc. The idea is to get them out of your sight for 1 night.

I don't buy the exercise, eat well crap. It's not about doing something to "feel better" daily - and it's not about getting away either. It's just feeling like your routine is the same every fucking day for me. For me, finding an opportunity to focus on me takes me out of the routine. It can be as easy as "losing" myself in a great TV show. Try getting hooked on a show LOL It sounds ridiculous but it helps. It's all about feeling like you have a Groundhog Day life.

Good luck!

Have a personal goal. Learn Italian. Train for a marathon. Become really involved with the local food pantry or another mission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you need TIME.... sounds like DH isn't working? If that's the case I'm not sure why you are doing the meal planning/shopping and cooking. That's definitely something he can step up with to help you find time to practice all the suggestions offered here.

No, he works. FT from home and handles a ton of things - kids doc appts, vet appts, home maintenance appts, etc. Everything is all busy-ness all the time. Is it too much to hope for the reverse 1950's, lol?

Yes

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Anonymous]

I'll offer my hard-earned advice, OP. There's really only one way out of a (non-mental illness) funk: reframe your expectations. On a practical level, I think your biggest issue is the age gap with your boys. You can't ever get a good flow going with them or b/t them, so it's going to be very difficult for the four of you to feel really connected to each other for a while. Life is going to feel a little disjointed b/c it is! You have to come up with very different activities for each at the same time. It's hard. And it sucks. So stop trying.

Also, reframing the expectations for your life means you also have to accept where you are and have gratitude for what you have. I don't know anyone who is able to do that sort of perspective-taking without getting a new perspective about their lives. That is probably best achieved by doing something for someone else who is not in your family. You want some perspective-taking? Volunteer on the neurology floor at any children's hospital. I'm not kidding. I don't mean to minimize your issues, but instead to make you realize that your life can be better, quicker, b/c you are already way ahead of many.

[Anonymous]

https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_esfahani_smith_there_s_more_to_life_than_being_happy?utm_campaign=tedspread--b&utm_content=talk_of_the_week_image&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

[Anonymous]

You sound like a supermom! I am not sure if I can make it in your circumstances emotionally, OR physically! Your husband and kids are SO blessed to have you! I don't blame you for feeling so emotionally drained. Have you had any "me time" lately? If you continue to give and give and give without investing in yourself, it could dry you up. I also find working out consistently help release a lot of my stress as well. Hopefully, your hubby is showing you a lot of support by helping around the house and giving you encouragement! Maybe a date night or two with your hubby so you can have some deep and intimate conversations? I just said a quick prayer for you that this season will pass soon! You are truly a warrior mom:

https://list.ly/list/1DcT-for-the-everyday-warriors-we-call-mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a supermom! I am not sure if I can make it in your circumstances emotionally, OR physically! Your husband and kids are SO blessed to have you! I don't blame you for feeling so emotionally drained. Have you had any "me time" lately? If you continue to give and give and give without investing in yourself, it could dry you up. I also find working out consistently help release a lot of my stress as well. Hopefully, your hubby is showing you a lot of support by helping around the house and giving you encouragement! Maybe a date night or two with your hubby so you can have some deep and intimate conversations? I just said a quick prayer for you that this season will pass soon! You are truly a warrior mom:

https://list.ly/list/1DcT-for-the-everyday-warriors-we-call-mom

You're sweet, PP. Don't know that I deserve your lavish praise, but that's kind. I'm just kinda tired of being bored and uninspired for 8 hours a day at work. It's draining. But it will pass. I just need to get my motivation back.