I ended playdate abruptly - Guest topped my son in a sexual position - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

The kid is like 9 years old. He's probably seen sec on tv. When we were kids this would have been cps-worthy perhaps, or if they were 5 perhaps, but sex is all. Over. Cable. You are going to envelope this family in a crazy nightmare.

[Anonymous]

CPS

[Anonymous]

OP, I had a similar thing recently, although not as bad as yours. Troubled 7yo boy that has parents who are drunk or high every time I see them, runs the streets of our neighborhood with little supervision. Always, nearly every day, asking my son who is the same age to play. I don't let my son go to his house, but often invite the child into our house to play in part because I feel sorry for his home life, even though sometimes this neighbor boy plays too rough and is rude. Recently when he was over, he asked my 5yo son to pull down his pants and show him his penis. My 5yo agreed and did it. My 7yo son saw it and ran and told me. The visiting boy ran off when he heard my son tell on him. I just talked to both my sons how that is inappropriate and they never should show their privates and always tell me when something like that happens. We've talked about the incident several times -- my 7yo actually feels guilty that he didn't stop what happened and instead just ran to tell me. But I tell him he did the right thing, although in the future he should also tell someone to stop if they do something like that. I've not said a word to his parents, although I probably should. But I honestly think they are too screwed up to believe me or care. So I think you did a better job than I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid is like 9 years old. He's probably seen sec on tv. When we were kids this would have been cps-worthy perhaps, or if they were 5 perhaps, but sex is all. Over. Cable. You are going to envelope this family in a crazy nightmare.

Just because it's all over cable doesn't mean it's appropriate and that we should all just shrug and let the kids watch, PP. It's shocking you would think that, and I don't think much of your critical thinking here.

[Anonymous]

Asking to show their privates is a normal exploration stage (I am talking to the PP with a "similar" case). It is not the same as what OP describes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you handled it well. I would not allow my child to play with these kids anymore.

Re: CPS, I don't know. I don't know if they're being abused or are in a house where more explicit tv/movies/video games are often on in the background.

Yeah, porn is easily accessible online these days. If the family has been going through a lot and this boy has been in the computer unsupervised...he's not necessarily being molested. Those images can be very upsetting and disturbing to young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kid is like 9 years old. He's probably seen sec on tv. When we were kids this would have been cps-worthy perhaps, or if they were 5 perhaps, but sex is all. Over. Cable. You are going to envelope this family in a crazy nightmare.

Just because it's all over cable doesn't mean it's appropriate and that we should all just shrug and let the kids watch, PP. It's shocking you would think that, and I don't think much of your critical thinking here.

Not PP but where is anybody saying it's okay for children to watch these things and to just shrug their shoulders?? The PP is pointing out that CPS might be an overreaction.

It's just hard to say - if we could trust CPS to do a thorough, complete and fair investigation then it would be a no-brainer. But it's a very real possibility that a call to CPS could cause a nightmare scenario for an innocent family. All that being said, when you're dealing with a possibility of sexual abuse of a child, I think it's better safe than sorry and I would probably make the call to CPS.

[Anonymous]

Here's the national child abuse hotline. https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/

They can give you advice and referrals if you aren't comfortable calling CPS right away.

[Anonymous]

The older brother that you don't like is probably the culprit here. He might abuse his younger bro and he probably watches porn and shows it to his younger brother. And the father is clueless, complicit or an abuser himself. Since you told the father about this he knows you must suspect something and might anticipate that you'll call CPS anyway, so you should.

[Anonymous]

I come down on the side of calling CPS. It is not your job to investigate. In these kinds of situations where there isn't a lot of Hard Evidence most likely CPS will interiew the father and the boy separately or may just interview the father depending on the investigator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you handled it well. I would not allow my child to play with these kids anymore.

Re: CPS, I don't know. I don't know if they're being abused or are in a house where more explicit tv/movies/video games are often on in the background.

It is abusive to show a 9 year old a video with explicit sexual positions such as 69.

I'm voting for calling CPS. They might not investigate but they'll take note of the call. It might be your call that finally puts it at "ok we've gotten a few calls about the same child, let's go out on this one".

[Anonymous]

I'm
Gonna be in the minority here, I guess because I had a lot of quasi-sexual play with a same-sex neighbor as a 9-11 year old. It was just exploration. I'm not sure where we
Learned it since there was no internet then. But we used to dry-hump each other regularly. She did have older siblings so maybe she knew something from them. I can see that t being reasonable if adults broke us up and ended a play date but calling CPS on my parents? Seems astonishingly an overrraction.

[Anonymous]

Consult an attorney too. If you are wrong, the family may come after you (in this lawyered up world of ours).

[Anonymous]

Well OP, at least YOUR son is ok. Never mind the boy you just kicked out of the house that may be a victim of abuse.

As someone who works in the criminal justice system, I will expect to see this boy in about 5 years. Thanks for your "help"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You should learn to master your emotions and use your rational mind before making decisions.

In this instance you just lost the opportunity to:

1. Stop the action calmly and explain to both children why they should never do that again. The lesson would have stuck much better.

2. Ask the poor boy where he learned that, and try to find out a little more, in case he's a victim of sexual abuse.

It was good to tell the father. However if he's the source of the problem, this boy will not be protected.

Nope, just another hysterical suburban mom thinking only about herself and hers.