Open marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can't be satisfied unless he has multiple partners?? Don't all vaginas do the same thing? You two sound like two idiots running from your problems just to create more problems

Sex has very little do with different physical equipment. Sexual chemistry is different with each partner.

As a woman, it has everything to do with physical equipment. I want zero chemistry and a big ?

[Anonymous]

I am a lower drive DW with a very high drive DH. My DH is quite monogamous, and it was actually me who introduced the idea. After a night out on the town where I was flirting and felt great, I went home and we had incredible for sex for several days. When we discussed what had happened and how I felt, we started discussing options for being monogomish or opening up our relationship. We tried Tinder and I went on a couple of dates, but he had a harder time finding people and it's definitely a challenge if he's struggling to put the kids to bed while I'm getting ready for a date, so we shut that down pretty quickly. I got pregnant again so we're not pursuing anything. Actively seeking people out on Tinder (which is how some friends we know opened up their relationship), felt too forced for us and we weren't comfortable with it, we also both agreed polyamory (having an additional romantic partner, like a boyfriend) also felt too strange to us, though not entirely off the table. Being monogomish, flirting or just making out, having a hook up or friends with benefits felt better to us as long as we are remaining open and honest and our relationship is in a good place. He's a lot less interested in pursuing other people anyways, and is okay if only I have a hook-up, but I find the option to think about being with other people and knowing the opportunity to be with other people exists and talking about it, spices things up enough and brings enough excitement that I may never really act on it. So that's our story, we have not actually opened things up, but continue to explore the idea. I think honesty, open communication and respect are really important, you have to decide how much you want to know about what he's doing and feel comfortable that if feelings of jealousy arise he's going to be supportive and you can work through them together.

The one couple we knew who really opened up their relationship ended in divorce a little over a year later, though I suspect they weren't in a good place before. Another couple we know is just start out like we are, and I'm certainly curious to see how it goes.

I wish you the best of luck and i think your willingness you support him in his needs and is very loving, definitely check out some the of the TED talks, recent NYT article, podcasts, FB groups and books out there, there are a lot of resources for people considering this lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can't be satisfied unless he has multiple partners?? Don't all vaginas do the same thing? You two sound like two idiots running from your problems just to create more problems

Sex has very little do with different physical equipment. Sexual chemistry is different with each partner.

As a woman, it has everything to do with physical equipment. I want zero chemistry and a big ?

That's what hookers and escorts say....as do the "leftovers" alone at the bar during last call

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can't be satisfied unless he has multiple partners?? Don't all vaginas do the same thing? You two sound like two idiots running from your problems just to create more problems

Sex has very little do with different physical equipment. Sexual chemistry is different with each partner.

As a woman, it has everything to do with physical equipment. I want zero chemistry and a big ?

You must be very young and of average intelligence. If that's all there is to it, just use a toy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can't be satisfied unless he has multiple partners?? Don't all vaginas do the same thing? You two sound like two idiots running from your problems just to create more problems

Sex has very little do with different physical equipment. Sexual chemistry is different with each partner.

As a woman, it has everything to do with physical equipment. I want zero chemistry and a big ?

You must be very young and of average intelligence. If that's all there is to it, just use a toy.

I suspect a male troll posted that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a lower drive DW with a very high drive DH. My DH is quite monogamous, and it was actually me who introduced the idea. After a night out on the town where I was flirting and felt great, I went home and we had incredible for sex for several days. When we discussed what had happened and how I felt, we started discussing options for being monogomish or opening up our relationship. We tried Tinder and I went on a couple of dates, but he had a harder time finding people and it's definitely a challenge if he's struggling to put the kids to bed while I'm getting ready for a date, so we shut that down pretty quickly. I got pregnant again so we're not pursuing anything. Actively seeking people out on Tinder (which is how some friends we know opened up their relationship), felt too forced for us and we weren't comfortable with it, we also both agreed polyamory (having an additional romantic partner, like a boyfriend) also felt too strange to us, though not entirely off the table. Being monogomish, flirting or just making out, having a hook up or friends with benefits felt better to us as long as we are remaining open and honest and our relationship is in a good place. He's a lot less interested in pursuing other people anyways, and is okay if only I have a hook-up, but I find the option to think about being with other people and knowing the opportunity to be with other people exists and talking about it, spices things up enough and brings enough excitement that I may never really act on it. So that's our story, we have not actually opened things up, but continue to explore the idea. I think honesty, open communication and respect are really important, you have to decide how much you want to know about what he's doing and feel comfortable that if feelings of jealousy arise he's going to be supportive and you can work through them together.

The one couple we knew who really opened up their relationship ended in divorce a little over a year later, though I suspect they weren't in a good place before. Another couple we know is just start out like we are, and I'm certainly curious to see how it goes.

I wish you the best of luck and i think your willingness you support him in his needs and is very loving, definitely check out some the of the TED talks, recent NYT article, podcasts, FB groups and books out there, there are a lot of resources for people considering this lifestyle.

We went through a similar process a few years ago and we're open. I have to say it really brings back your sex drive. It's not like I've slept eith a lot of men, but the ones that I have were just based on sexual attraction and chemistry. For the last year I've had an fwb who I met at the gym. He's tall, AA, has lots of muscles and is very well endowed. We meet up once every week or so and the sex is incredible. I've done lots of things with him that I wouldn't normally do and its opened me up to more fun things with the DH.

[Anonymous]

OP, how much is going to cost you financially? Wouldn't your husband have to take these women out/buy them gifts, etc? That alone is a deal breaker for me re open marriages.

[Anonymous]

DH here: I see the appeal, and properly done I can see how it would fire up a couple's sex life. But I think it is probably a much better deal for the women than the men, since it is so much easier for women to find casual sex partners. And people being people, there is an unacceptably high risk of falling for someone not your spouse from my perspective. Good luck, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much is going to cost you financially? Wouldn't your husband have to take these women out/buy them gifts, etc? That alone is a deal breaker for me re open marriages.

Sounds like she would gladly sacrifice a few $$ from the family budget to avoid the awfulness of regular sex with her DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much is going to cost you financially? Wouldn't your husband have to take these women out/buy them gifts, etc? That alone is a deal breaker for me re open marriages.

So it's not so much that your husband wants to step out but that he can't spend money on anyone else but you? When he calls you does the name come up as ATM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here: I see the appeal, and properly done I can see how it would fire up a couple's sex life. But I think it is probably a much better deal for the women than the men, since it is so much easier for women to find casual sex partners. And people being people, there is an unacceptably high risk of falling for someone not your spouse from my perspective. Good luck, though.

I am female, and I have been having an affair for over 4 years. I am quite fond of my FWB, and we are very good in bed, but I have no interest in being married to him. He has flaws like everyone else and some of his, like his incredible penny pinching ways, highlight some of the reasons I am married to my (very generous) husband. No one is perfect so if you can compartmentalize, a relationship outside of marriage can coexist with the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much is going to cost you financially? Wouldn't your husband have to take these women out/buy them gifts, etc? That alone is a deal breaker for me re open marriages.

Not necessarily. These other women may just want sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a lower drive DW with a very high drive DH. My DH is quite monogamous, and it was actually me who introduced the idea. After a night out on the town where I was flirting and felt great, I went home and we had incredible for sex for several days. When we discussed what had happened and how I felt, we started discussing options for being monogomish or opening up our relationship. We tried Tinder and I went on a couple of dates, but he had a harder time finding people and it's definitely a challenge if he's struggling to put the kids to bed while I'm getting ready for a date, so we shut that down pretty quickly. I got pregnant again so we're not pursuing anything. Actively seeking people out on Tinder (which is how some friends we know opened up their relationship), felt too forced for us and we weren't comfortable with it, we also both agreed polyamory (having an additional romantic partner, like a boyfriend) also felt too strange to us, though not entirely off the table. Being monogomish, flirting or just making out, having a hook up or friends with benefits felt better to us as long as we are remaining open and honest and our relationship is in a good place. He's a lot less interested in pursuing other people anyways, and is okay if only I have a hook-up, but I find the option to think about being with other people and knowing the opportunity to be with other people exists and talking about it, spices things up enough and brings enough excitement that I may never really act on it. So that's our story, we have not actually opened things up, but continue to explore the idea. I think honesty, open communication and respect are really important, you have to decide how much you want to know about what he's doing and feel comfortable that if feelings of jealousy arise he's going to be supportive and you can work through them together.

The one couple we knew who really opened up their relationship ended in divorce a little over a year later, though I suspect they weren't in a good place before. Another couple we know is just start out like we are, and I'm certainly curious to see how it goes.

I wish you the best of luck and i think your willingness you support him in his needs and is very loving, definitely check out some the of the TED talks, recent NYT article, podcasts, FB groups and books out there, there are a lot of resources for people considering this lifestyle.

We went through a similar process a few years ago and we're open. I have to say it really brings back your sex drive. It's not like I've slept eith a lot of men, but the ones that I have were just based on sexual attraction and chemistry. For the last year I've had an fwb who I met at the gym. He's tall, AA, has lots of muscles and is very well endowed. We meet up once every week or so and the sex is incredible. I've done lots of things with him that I wouldn't normally do and its opened me up to more fun things with the DH.

Wow! That sounds hot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a lower drive DW with a very high drive DH. My DH is quite monogamous, and it was actually me who introduced the idea. After a night out on the town where I was flirting and felt great, I went home and we had incredible for sex for several days. When we discussed what had happened and how I felt, we started discussing options for being monogomish or opening up our relationship. We tried Tinder and I went on a couple of dates, but he had a harder time finding people and it's definitely a challenge if he's struggling to put the kids to bed while I'm getting ready for a date, so we shut that down pretty quickly. I got pregnant again so we're not pursuing anything. Actively seeking people out on Tinder (which is how some friends we know opened up their relationship), felt too forced for us and we weren't comfortable with it, we also both agreed polyamory (having an additional romantic partner, like a boyfriend) also felt too strange to us, though not entirely off the table. Being monogomish, flirting or just making out, having a hook up or friends with benefits felt better to us as long as we are remaining open and honest and our relationship is in a good place. He's a lot less interested in pursuing other people anyways, and is okay if only I have a hook-up, but I find the option to think about being with other people and knowing the opportunity to be with other people exists and talking about it, spices things up enough and brings enough excitement that I may never really act on it. So that's our story, we have not actually opened things up, but continue to explore the idea. I think honesty, open communication and respect are really important, you have to decide how much you want to know about what he's doing and feel comfortable that if feelings of jealousy arise he's going to be supportive and you can work through them together.

The one couple we knew who really opened up their relationship ended in divorce a little over a year later, though I suspect they weren't in a good place before. Another couple we know is just start out like we are, and I'm certainly curious to see how it goes.

I wish you the best of luck and i think your willingness you support him in his needs and is very loving, definitely check out some the of the TED talks, recent NYT article, podcasts, FB groups and books out there, there are a lot of resources for people considering this lifestyle.

We went through a similar process a few years ago and we're open. I have to say it really brings back your sex drive. It's not like I've slept eith a lot of men, but the ones that I have were just based on sexual attraction and chemistry. For the last year I've had an fwb who I met at the gym. He's tall, AA, has lots of muscles and is very well endowed. We meet up once every week or so and the sex is incredible. I've done lots of things with him that I wouldn't normally do and its opened me up to more fun things with the DH.

Wow! That sounds hot!

Whether or not the reality is a good idea, the idea is certainly erotic for many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do this than you aren't really married because being faithful is what marriage is all about. What is to keep your DH from leaving you later rather than now? I'm sorry but, this isn't going to go well. We knew a couple who did this and they ended up divorced.

Good luck!

being faithful is what marriage is all about

Only a spouse who takes an active role in a regular sexlife can make that statement, and OP does not qualify.
Because she is uninterested in having a sex life, their marriage is already de-facto Open.
So there is not much need to formally declare it Open, the husband has likely been going outside for a while, and few would blame him.