How do I stop nagging?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is not that you nag, it's that a lot of men are raised to be lazy and selfish liabilities. Moreover, many women, too, think man should get to be lazy, hence why you have all these posts suggesting you do everything and let your lazy husband slide.

The solution here depends on your priorities. I get only one life and I will not spend it cleaning up behind some pig. At the same time, my children are not going to grow up in a sty. The solution for me was letting my husband know that I would divorce him if he continued to be a liability. I meant it too. I still had to teach him everything after that, but he paid attention and learned.

Marriage sounds awesome. Where do I sign up?

Who wouldn't want to be married to a ball busting bitch like you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit that I nag my husband. I don't know how to stop though. I nag about helping with cleaning, waking in the middle of the night with the baby, fixing something simple around the house, etc. do I just shut up and not ask him to do things? Do I stop caring? Do I just do it myself? Yes he has always been like this... yes I am complaining now... and no we will not be divorcing over this

...............

You know those travel size bars of soap? Bring home a few. Wnen you feel a nag coming on, swirl one around in your mouth. Over sufficient time, you will either de-condition yourself to cease nagging, or you will develop a fondness for the taste of soap.

A futher fringe benefit is soap is a low-calorie snack. One you won't be tempted to over-indulge.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people here projecting their own issues onto the OP.

There are basically two things that could be happening here:

1) You are nagging about non-essentials to a husband who does a reasonable (if not totally equitable) amount of the household/kid stuff. If that is the case, then the nagging comes from you and your own issues and you need to learn how to let go, possibly via therapy.

2) You are nagging because your husband is NOT shouldering a reasonable share of the workload. If that is the case, then you need to accept that you will never ever fix him. Only he can choose to change. Do you want to be married to THIS VERSION of your husband? If so, do everything yourself and/or outsource and accept that this is the marriage you choose. If you do not want to be married to THIS VERSION of your husband (not the edited version who is really nice and cares about you and the kids even though he is fine with you doing everything and being exhausted), then you need to revisit divorce as an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learn how to not give a f---. It's so freeing.

We are pushing our silver wedding anniversary. A little bit of this goes a long way.

You also need to remember that when you start to nag, you sound like his mom and he goes into uhuh, sure, whatever mode and/or ignores you, just like when I tell my teenager to mow the lawn or stop leaving wrappers anywhere. Equals don't nag. Would you nag your coworker like you nag your spouse and expect good results? Probably not.

I have found over the years that you need to do some things differently. If you are nagging and he is not doing, then obviously raking the leaves/stacking the dishes just so/replacing the empty toilet paper roll is just not as important to him as it is to you. So if it is that important to the poit that you are stressing over it, just do it yourself. It gets done and your stress is lower.

If you are nagging him about baby care then odds are you are too rigid and only want things done your way. He won't do anything right so why do anything in his mind. Let him do some things his way as long as it is safe and bite your tongue even if it makes you crazy. Remember that movie 3 Men and a Baby? He will make mistakes but get more confidence to eo more.

And remember that no one responds well to nagging. Sometimes a little sugar goes a long way. Include a kiss onntye back of the neck or a few grateful lingering hugs with your requests goes a long way towards getting what you want. Remember dating and courtship? You probably didn't have to nag about much of anything and most likely got everything you wanted.

Man here. You are exactly right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop. You don't need to wipe the counter down every single night. Close the cabinet doors if he doesn't, it literally takes half a second. Just stop. It's not hard. Realize half the sh*t you nag about probably isn't a necessity to life.

No. You do. You need to wipe down counters and chairs and sweep the kitchen floor every day. If you just leave spilled food on the counter to crust over or spoil and rot and collect ants, flies, and maggots, then your problem will be much worse.
And this is your home. Where you live with your children and family. Probably the biggest financial investment you have made. It is worth your time to take care of it.

Hi, nag!

Hi, slobby DH!

[Anonymous]

[TwistdMike]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learn how to not give a f---. It's so freeing.

We are pushing our silver wedding anniversary. A little bit of this goes a long way.

You also need to remember that when you start to nag, you sound like his mom and he goes into uhuh, sure, whatever mode and/or ignores you, just like when I tell my teenager to mow the lawn or stop leaving wrappers anywhere. Equals don't nag. Would you nag your coworker like you nag your spouse and expect good results? Probably not.

I have found over the years that you need to do some things differently. If you are nagging and he is not doing, then obviously raking the leaves/stacking the dishes just so/replacing the empty toilet paper roll is just not as important to him as it is to you. So if it is that important to the poit that you are stressing over it, just do it yourself. It gets done and your stress is lower.

If you are nagging him about baby care then odds are you are too rigid and only want things done your way. He won't do anything right so why do anything in his mind. Let him do some things his way as long as it is safe and bite your tongue even if it makes you crazy. Remember that movie 3 Men and a Baby? He will make mistakes but get more confidence to eo more.

And remember that no one responds well to nagging. Sometimes a little sugar goes a long way. Include a kiss onntye back of the neck or a few grateful lingering hugs with your requests goes a long way towards getting what you want. Remember dating and courtship? You probably didn't have to nag about much of anything and most likely got everything you wanted.

Man here. You are exactly right.

God, men are so simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nagging will stop when he leaves -- and he will.

Is there anything your husband has asked you to do that you don't do? How does it feel if he asks you repeatedly?

Of course not. I am an adult and know my responsibilities. He doesn't even know what there is to be done, I have to coach him, so how in the world would he have to ask me twice to do anything?