How do I stop nagging?

[Anonymous]

In addition to just stopping with the nagging, be sure to say nice things. My dh never says anything nice about the work I do. In fact, when he sees me doing something he nagged me to do, he often says something like, "good, you've started x chore. Don't forget to do y and z also." It's usually some piddly crap he could or should totally do himself, like pick up a prescription or wash towels. It makes me want to stop what I'm doing because it's so annoying. However, the handful of times he has said something positive about me doing whatever he asked, I go above and beyond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just stop. You don't need to wipe the counter down every single night. Close the cabinet doors if he doesn't, it literally takes half a second. Just stop. It's not hard. Realize half the sh*t you nag about probably isn't a necessity to life.

No. You do. You need to wipe down counters and chairs and sweep the kitchen floor every day. If you just leave spilled food on the counter to crust over or spoil and rot and collect ants, flies, and maggots, then your problem will be much worse.
And this is your home. Where you live with your children and family. Probably the biggest financial investment you have made. It is worth your time to take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Just outsource. once he sees housework in terms of money, then either he will be happy to spend it or he will start helping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just outsource. once he sees housework in terms of money, then either he will be happy to spend it or he will start helping.

I do this with home repair stuff. "Hon, I'm going to get a handyman for 3 hours this weekend and I want to make it as cost effective as possible, remind me if I'm forgetting anything I could put on this list -- put up ceiling fan in the guest room, fix that lock that keeps sticking on the sunroom door, fix the broken spindle on the stairs -- I'd rather have too long a list and not get to everything than pay for 3 hours and only have 2 hours worth of work." Suddenly he was already planning to put up the fan himself this Saturday ... that we bought last year.

[Anonymous]

The nagging will stop when he leaves -- and he will.

Is there anything your husband has asked you to do that you don't do? How does it feel if he asks you repeatedly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop. You don't need to wipe the counter down every single night. Close the cabinet doors if he doesn't, it literally takes half a second. Just stop. It's not hard. Realize half the sh*t you nag about probably isn't a necessity to life.

No. You do. You need to wipe down counters and chairs and sweep the kitchen floor every day. If you just leave spilled food on the counter to crust over or spoil and rot and collect ants, flies, and maggots, then your problem will be much worse.
And this is your home. Where you live with your children and family. Probably the biggest financial investment you have made. It is worth your time to take care of it.

Hi, nag!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learn how to not give a f---. It's so freeing.

We are pushing our silver wedding anniversary. A little bit of this goes a long way.

You also need to remember that when you start to nag, you sound like his mom and he goes into uhuh, sure, whatever mode and/or ignores you, just like when I tell my teenager to mow the lawn or stop leaving wrappers anywhere. Equals don't nag. Would you nag your coworker like you nag your spouse and expect good results? Probably not.

I have found over the years that you need to do some things differently. If you are nagging and he is not doing, then obviously raking the leaves/stacking the dishes just so/replacing the empty toilet paper roll is just not as important to him as it is to you. So if it is that important to the poit that you are stressing over it, just do it yourself. It gets done and your stress is lower.

If you are nagging him about baby care then odds are you are too rigid and only want things done your way. He won't do anything right so why do anything in his mind. Let him do some things his way as long as it is safe and bite your tongue even if it makes you crazy. Remember that movie 3 Men and a Baby? He will make mistakes but get more confidence to eo more.

And remember that no one responds well to nagging. Sometimes a little sugar goes a long way. Include a kiss onntye back of the neck or a few grateful lingering hugs with your requests goes a long way towards getting what you want. Remember dating and courtship? You probably didn't have to nag about much of anything and most likely got everything you wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admit that I nag my husband. I don't know how to stop though. I nag about helping with cleaning, waking in the middle of the night with the baby, fixing something simple around the house, etc. do I just shut up and not ask him to do things? Do I stop caring? Do I just do it myself? Yes he has always been like this... yes I am complaining now... and no we will not be divorcing over this

Shut up and do it yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nagging will stop when he leaves -- and he will.

Is there anything your husband has asked you to do that you don't do? How does it feel if he asks you repeatedly?

Marriage sounds awesome. Where do I sign up?

[Anonymous]

My ex wife nagged me for things I did, things I didn't do, and even for good things I did. She nagged me about all the home repairs I was doing, which caused me to quit doing them for over 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Op, you do not know better. You don't get to boss DH. Your priorities aren't better than his priorities just because they are yours. He has an equal say as to what is important to get done, or what can be ignored.

[Anonymous]

If he says he WILL do something, then goes back on his word then that means he isn't worth his weight in gold & that he doesn't respect your needs/wants.

He just agrees w/what you want at the moment to pacify you.

If you are adamant about staying married to a person like this, then really your only option is to just accept that he will never do his fair share nor will his words ever mean a darn thing.

His words will always be just air.

[Anonymous]

Spend more time with his c*ck in your mouth, that will shut you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just outsource. once he sees housework in terms of money, then either he will be happy to spend it or he will start helping.

I do this with home repair stuff. "Hon, I'm going to get a handyman for 3 hours this weekend and I want to make it as cost effective as possible, remind me if I'm forgetting anything I could put on this list -- put up ceiling fan in the guest room, fix that lock that keeps sticking on the sunroom door, fix the broken spindle on the stairs -- I'd rather have too long a list and not get to everything than pay for 3 hours and only have 2 hours worth of work." Suddenly he was already planning to put up the fan himself this Saturday ... that we bought last year.

I tried this and it definitely got my DH's attention. He said that there is no need to hire anyone and that he will do it himself. The tasks are still not done months later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just stop. You don't need to wipe the counter down every single night. Close the cabinet doors if he doesn't, it literally takes half a second. Just stop. It's not hard. Realize half the sh*t you nag about probably isn't a necessity to life.

No. You do. You need to wipe down counters and chairs and sweep the kitchen floor every day. If you just leave spilled food on the counter to crust over or spoil and rot and collect ants, flies, and maggots, then your problem will be much worse.
And this is your home. Where you live with your children and family. Probably the biggest financial investment you have made. It is worth your time to take care of it.

Hi, nag!

I don't nag. I don't even ask any more. Its a whole lot easier just to do it myself, but acting like it doesn't need to be done is just foolish. Basic sanitation is not optional.