Upper Elementary activities and playdates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So 4 out of 7 nights seems pretty typical?

In the DCUM world. Most 4th graders play in the neighborhood after school, maybe a planned play date here and there with a school friend not on their bus. One sports practice and maybe another activity max.

If you think 4th graders need 4 nights of organized planned activities, tutors, personal trainers, and zero time playing with friends or managing their own time you are setting your child up for social issues, lack of street smarts, common sense, autonomy, and honestly - just childhood. If their only friends are those brought on by paid events, which a few here have mentioned, that is terribly sad. One mom allows her 4th grader to FaceTime friends but not play with them. Really? Wake up parents.

Have you ever considered that that level of activity is the child's choice. You can't get good at anything doing it one day a week/no real practice so why bother at that point. My child loves having an activity every day. You can have time for everything you discuss too. Its selfish not to allow they to explore their interests. We don't allow all friend contact outside school. Sometimes it is the child and often it is the parent.

My child has SN. So, yes, he'll have supports/therapies/tutors in place if he needs them. We wouldn't tell someone like you that and just say tutoring.

Amen. I'm one of the people the pp blasted in her "wake up people" post. And my child is totally obsessed with the idea of going to the Olympics and has been for a sustained period of time. She wants to do far more than we schedule her for, and her schedule is already quite full. This is a kid that I catch doing push-ups when she's alone in her room. How do I take a kid as focused and determined as she is, and tell her, sorry about your Olympic dreams but you're just a kid and need to go play? That isn't what she wants. She has friend time (I actually just picked her up from a 6 hour outing with her BFF) but these activities are important to her sense of self.

Typical DCUM mom. Good luck at the Olympics!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a rising 4th and 2nd grader. Both go to an after school martial arts program instead of SACC. They like the activity and have friends there. They also each do one sport per season. We end up being out 2-4 nights per week for practices and usually have a game or practice/activity each Saturday and Sunday. We try to carpool as much as possible with others on the team. We both WOTH. I find they have made good friends with kids on their sports teams and martial arts classes over the years. Play dates spontaneously happen with kids on the street on the weekends. Parents don't organize for the 4th graders anymore. They knock on doors and see who is available. We text for the 2nd grader to ask if they can come over.

We live in a neighborhood with NO 4th graders -- it's all old timers and DINKs, so that organic play date won't happen unless we move. We are several blocks and a busy street away from nearest friend

That's more difficult. I don't enjoy arranging play dates and am usually too tired from the workweek to think ahead. I'd encourage sports and clubs since friendships seem to happen naturally. In your situation it's fine to call, text or email other parents to ask if their kid can come over.

Yeah we just aren't as close to them because we aren't neighbors nor run in same circles. It's been hard -- sometimes they don't even text back! Hate to have to pester people but want to do what's good for DD (and she considers their kid a friend) -- though then we wonder if the other kid maybe doesn't reciprocate friendship, and their parents silence is an awkward way of demuring because we adults aren't really close.

Sending kids knocking on doors is much easier -- any suggestions for which activities have a good social component-- maybe we should be more strategic...

I'd find activities that your child really loves. That way they will find others with common interests. It could be soccer, chess, scouts, baseball, gymnastics, coding, whatever. One of my children found it in soccer. She loves it and made friends with others that are really into it. My other child tried bu hated soccer and found friends with his interests in activities he tried.

Yeah that would be goal but she all the activities have needed up not being social. But as for schedule, it seems 4 nights out of 7 is typical unless you are. Free range where they can just pop in the neighborhood (which isn't an option for us)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So 4 out of 7 nights seems pretty typical?

In the DCUM world. Most 4th graders play in the neighborhood after school, maybe a planned play date here and there with a school friend not on their bus. One sports practice and maybe another activity max.

If you think 4th graders need 4 nights of organized planned activities, tutors, personal trainers, and zero time playing with friends or managing their own time you are setting your child up for social issues, lack of street smarts, common sense, autonomy, and honestly - just childhood. If their only friends are those brought on by paid events, which a few here have mentioned, that is terribly sad. One mom allows her 4th grader to FaceTime friends but not play with them. Really? Wake up parents.

Uhmm...I live in the suburbs of Omaha, and 4 out of 7 nights is pretty typical here. Where do you live that people are playing in the neighborhood with kids from their bus? The 1980's?

[Anonymous]

I will get fried but here goes...my rising 4th grader has soccer practice twice a week, Monday/Wed (he plays club),Sat morning baseball team practice (club), Sat afternoon soccer games. Sunday religious school and flag football. He takes a robotics class on Thursdays right after school. We do not do many play dates because he spends so much time with his friends already. Everything he is involved with, at least one of his best friends is there with him. He also has a half hour guitar lesson Wed after school-that he does alone. He is an active kid and does better when he is busy. He initiates all his activities. I will say we are a family that does not allow video games/tv on school days, never have. Our oldest is in high school and it has worked well for our family because our kids have all developed interests/passions outside of gaming/social media. I understand that there are kids who need downtime and do not want to jump from activity to activity, my oldest is more like this,but for a lot of kids, especially my high energy kiddo, we need to stay busy. Weekends are mostly family time with the exception of a party here and there.

[Anonymous]

NP. Our DD is happy just reading all the time, but she gets really grumpy after being engrossed in the literary world and having to then deal with boring real life! We also worry if she is eschewing friendships (perhaps avoiding possible rejection?) by instead burrowing into a book.

What kind of activities would help foster friendships like so many of the PPs describe? We don't do much now because we are too busy as working parents.

[Anonymous]

Monday: Swim
Tuesday: Dance
Wednesday: 30 minute piano/playdate
Thursday: Swim
Friday: Free (often the day for extended playdate with dinner)
Saturday: Swim/math tutoring, often impromptu pplay with neighbors and family activity
Sunday: Church sometimes, family brunch, relaxing day at home

This is my daughter's first year of year round swim team so we are minimizing other activities. She likes to have an organized playdate at least once or twice a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So 4 out of 7 nights seems pretty typical?

In the DCUM world. Most 4th graders play in the neighborhood after school, maybe a planned play date here and there with a school friend not on their bus. One sports practice and maybe another activity max.

If you think 4th graders need 4 nights of organized planned activities, tutors, personal trainers, and zero time playing with friends or managing their own time you are setting your child up for social issues, lack of street smarts, common sense, autonomy, and honestly - just childhood. If their only friends are those brought on by paid events, which a few here have mentioned, that is terribly sad. One mom allows her 4th grader to FaceTime friends but not play with them. Really? Wake up parents.

Have you ever considered that that level of activity is the child's choice. You can't get good at anything doing it one day a week/no real practice so why bother at that point. My child loves having an activity every day. You can have time for everything you discuss too. Its selfish not to allow they to explore their interests. We don't allow all friend contact outside school. Sometimes it is the child and often it is the parent.

My child has SN. So, yes, he'll have supports/therapies/tutors in place if he needs them. We wouldn't tell someone like you that and just say tutoring.

Amen. I'm one of the people the pp blasted in her "wake up people" post. And my child is totally obsessed with the idea of going to the Olympics and has been for a sustained period of time. She wants to do far more than we schedule her for, and her schedule is already quite full. This is a kid that I catch doing push-ups when she's alone in her room. How do I take a kid as focused and determined as she is, and tell her, sorry about your Olympic dreams but you're just a kid and need to go play? That isn't what she wants. She has friend time (I actually just picked her up from a 6 hour outing with her BFF) but these activities are important to her sense of self.

Typical DCUM mom. Good luck at the Olympics!!!

NP, and PP, I think you are missing the point that the KID is saying she wants to go to the Olympics. I don't see where the mom says that her daughter is super skilled and will definitely make it there. The mom is supporting her child's desire to shoot for her goal. We all need dreams! I know I imagined myself to be a gold medal Olympic figure skater, and of course I was nowhere near talented. But I loved it! So, back off!

Sorry. That struck a nerve. It's okay for kids to be motivated.