SIL following me around FB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. This is a challenge with FB. I think that this means FB isn't for you. There are other resources on line that provide the same type of support with a bit more privacy. I suggest you do some googling. I used to belong to one for a specific cancer and I know that such groups can be lifesaving.

This. OP, you have chosen to share in a public forum. By virtue of it being public you cannot choose who that public is. If you want your stuff to be private then you need to get off of the public forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. This is a challenge with FB. I think that this means FB isn't for you. There are other resources on line that provide the same type of support with a bit more privacy. I suggest you do some googling. I used to belong to one for a specific cancer and I know that such groups can be lifesaving.

This. OP, you have chosen to share in a public forum. By virtue of it being public you cannot choose who that public is. If you want your stuff to be private then you need to get off of the public forum.

13:22 here. This is basically what I had to accept when something similar happened to me, and posting in online communities was never the same. I was not able to regain that sense of community, but I also think it was a false sense anyway, since it was an online public forum where people didn't really know each other. I was sad to lose it, but it did motivate me to invest in and build better in-person relationships and communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd still block her. Or change the settings so she is still your 'friend' but can't really see much of anything.

I think that just blocks her from my profile. She can still see what I post in groups.

If you block her she can't see ANYTHING you post ANYWHERE. Not on your profile, not in these groups, she won't be able to find you anywhere on Facebook.

To her, its like you're not on Facebook at all & if you were having a conversation with a mutual friend of yours & SIL (let's call her Sally) on a post on Sally's Facebook page, it would literally look to your SIL like Sally was talking to herself, lol.

But you can still see 1 side of the conversation which may reveal enough information that she doesn't want to share...

[Anonymous]

OMG that sounds nuts. She's being extremely nosy and has no business joining groups that are not relevant to her just to snoop on you! That'd drive me absolutely crazy.

I'd block her for sure. If DH doesn't understand then he's really not that bright. We all need support when we are struggling with issues, not judgement from those who do not wish us well! I always have to sensor my FB posts because all of my DHs family friended me and they are all very very active. So every single post or picture gets a million comments from them. They are not harassing in nature but sometimes I want to share with just friends and not in-laws.

[Anonymous]

That is scary and as a mom who is fairly active in a few FB mom groups, I understand how long awful it must be to have that safe space taken away. I would create a new FB profile for joining groups. If admins don't want to let you join because they think it's fake, you can PM them and let them know what's up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound crazy, but here it goes.

For various reasons, my SIL doesn't like me, and has apparently ramped up a campaign to make my life miserable. A little background: I've struggled for years with antenatal and postpartum depression, plus PPA that made my life a living hell for two years. I didn't get help right away thanks to a useless OB and things spiraled. Really bad. Add to that the traumatic birth of my first child and a move away from DC, and I'm pretty miserable. I'm finally getting therapy and things are getting better.

Because of out new location and no local friends, a few Facebook groups have also been helpful. Which brings me to my SIL - she's apparently searched my profile and figured out what groups I'm in - and joined them. She's effectively silenced me and taken away some really helpful poeple. I told DH I was going to block her, and he flipped out, insisting it would bring tons of discord to the extended family. He also thinks I'm overreacting about her reading some very personal things.

How do I deal with this?

Set your posts so that she can't see them. Seriously. This is what I do with work colleagues (I don't like to "friend" work colleagues but felt I couldn't say no. So, my posts are set so that my "friends" can see them except for the handful of people from work.) At least she won't be able to see what you're posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG that sounds nuts. She's being extremely nosy and has no business joining groups that are not relevant to her just to snoop on you! That'd drive me absolutely crazy.

I'd block her for sure. If DH doesn't understand then he's really not that bright. We all need support when we are struggling with issues, not judgement from those who do not wish us well! I always have to sensor my FB posts because all of my DHs family friended me and they are all very very active. So every single post or picture gets a million comments from them. They are not harassing in nature but sometimes I want to share with just friends and not in-laws.

You can easily control this with the privacy settings, PP.

[Anonymous]

Block her.

"Why'd you block me on Facebook?"

"I felt that it was invasive and inappropriate of you to join some of the groups I was in, because as far as I know, you did not have a traumatic birth experience. If that is not the case and you did, I'm so sorry to hear that, and maybe we can talk about it over coffee, but I want my own space online."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. This is a challenge with FB. I think that this means FB isn't for you. There are other resources on line that provide the same type of support with a bit more privacy. I suggest you do some googling. I used to belong to one for a specific cancer and I know that such groups can be lifesaving.

This. OP, you have chosen to share in a public forum. By virtue of it being public you cannot choose who that public is. If you want your stuff to be private then you need to get off of the public forum.

13:22 here. This is basically what I had to accept when something similar happened to me, and posting in online communities was never the same. I was not able to regain that sense of community, but I also think it was a false sense anyway, since it was an online public forum where people didn't really know each other. I was sad to lose it, but it did motivate me to invest in and build better in-person relationships and communication.

These are very good points! In may ways it can feel cathartic to unload or vent but unfortunately the feedback is so varied and sporadic that there is very little positive growth or change that can occur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. This is a challenge with FB. I think that this means FB isn't for you. There are other resources on line that provide the same type of support with a bit more privacy. I suggest you do some googling. I used to belong to one for a specific cancer and I know that such groups can be lifesaving.

This. OP, you have chosen to share in a public forum. By virtue of it being public you cannot choose who that public is. If you want your stuff to be private then you need to get off of the public forum.

Talk about victim blaming. You should be ashamed of yourself (I know you aren't, but you should be).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. This is a challenge with FB. I think that this means FB isn't for you. There are other resources on line that provide the same type of support with a bit more privacy. I suggest you do some googling. I used to belong to one for a specific cancer and I know that such groups can be lifesaving.

This. OP, you have chosen to share in a public forum. By virtue of it being public you cannot choose who that public is. If you want your stuff to be private then you need to get off of the public forum.

Talk about victim blaming. You should be ashamed of yourself (I know you aren't, but you should be).

Hardly. OP is making an unwise choice as evidenced by all the options she has available to her and as specified here by many people in prior posts. Calling out someone for making a bad choice and who then has the gall to complain about the poor outcomes certainly is not victim blaming. OP cannot expect to broadcast her private information on a public forum and then expect it to remain private. That is ludicrous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Block her. Done.

Start a new FB acct under a false name and join groups using that account

[Anonymous]

Or see if you can find support groups that are not depended on having a Facebook account I'm sure that BabyCenter or other forums have places where you can talk about your postpartum depression anxiety and traumatic birth that don't require you to use your real name.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can also change your privacy settings so that no one can see which groups you have joined. I would do this and create a second account for your group activity. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

I think there is very good advice here and it is terrible that you are finding help and to me - your husband is first in the line of people being awful if he objects to you blocking SIL but as I would not have told him if this was a possibility (hope he has lots of other redeeming qualities!) just go ahead and block her now but for your support groups, create a new ID. I would also change your privacy settings on both as she may use someone else's account to see if you have done and then just be quiet on normal social media. I know personally how much help support groups can be but there also maybe just be an observer for awhile until you feel she's been thwarted. I have a friend who has joined everything I do, friended nearly everyone I 'know' (so many just friends from groups not really IN my life) but while I am confident that she does in a totally innocent if wacky idea of what 'friendship' is I find it stifling. She lives in Europe so while she has come to know a small percentage of my friends from visits here her 'liking' posts that I don't even acknowledge from friends very much on periphery of my life is just bizarre to me-and if there was a taint of malice I cannot imagine how violated I would feel.