Advice-my husband is constantly late for things

[Anonymous]

Op, when it involves you, go separately. Seriously, just plan/act as if you are single and it is just you. My friend, she and her husband use to fight because he always made them late for the airport - late in her mind. Now, they drive separately. As she said, "she is NOT missing out on a vacation trip because of him, if he missing the plane." Has he actually missed a vacation trip, missed the plane - no. But the important thing is she doesn't have to start her trip worrying. She doesn't have to make the rush-rush her problem/her worry. Op, come up with a solution and enact it. No discussion, no badgering. Take charge and act on it.

[Anonymous]

22:15, OP said her DH is late for everything from flights to work to kids' parties and swim meets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, when it involves you, go separately. Seriously, just plan/act as if you are single and it is just you. My friend, she and her husband use to fight because he always made them late for the airport - late in her mind. Now, they drive separately. As she said, "she is NOT missing out on a vacation trip because of him, if he missing the plane." Has he actually missed a vacation trip, missed the plane - no. But the important thing is she doesn't have to start her trip worrying. She doesn't have to make the rush-rush her problem/her worry. Op, come up with a solution and enact it. No discussion, no badgering. Take charge and act on it.

Why does she refer to herself in the third person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's selfish and irresponsible. And you enable him. Make him wait for the plumber. Leave for the airport without him. So what if he gets mad. If he'd grow the eff up, this wouldn't be a problem. He thinks he's more important than anyone else. How the hell does he keep a job?

Projection much? It really sounds like ADHD. OP said he was generous and tries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communicate clearly when YOU and your kids are leaving the house. Then leave the house. If he misses the plane, HE misses the plane.

You really need to just do this.

OP here. Managing our family requires both of us, and I can't have everything fall on me.

I showed this thread to my husband. He says he has thought he has ADHD (our son does) for a long time, but was reluctant to get evaluated. Like my son, he is kind, thoughtful, etc., but has to try so very hard to get focused and understand time the same way we do. I appreciated what a PP said about "feeling time."

Husband said that he can sometimes make it early to work meetings, using strategies we try at home. But I know it takes a tremendous amount of planning and effort. Not an excuse, just a realization.

He has agreed to see a therapist. This is a good step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communicate clearly when YOU and your kids are leaving the house. Then leave the house. If he misses the plane, HE misses the plane.

You really need to just do this.

OP here. Managing our family requires both of us, and I can't have everything fall on me.

I showed this thread to my husband. He says he has thought he has ADHD (our son does) for a long time, but was reluctant to get evaluated. Like my son, he is kind, thoughtful, etc., but has to try so very hard to get focused and understand time the same way we do. I appreciated what a PP said about "feeling time."

Husband said that he can sometimes make it early to work meetings, using strategies we try at home. But I know it takes a tremendous amount of planning and effort. Not an excuse, just a realization.

He has agreed to see a therapist. This is a good step.

I'm the PP who mentioned not "feeling" time. There's actually a name for it- time blindness. Here is some more information.

http://adhdhomestead.net/time-blindness/

http://untappedbrilliance.com/why-does-time-travel-differently-when-you-have-adhd/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communicate clearly when YOU and your kids are leaving the house. Then leave the house. If he misses the plane, HE misses the plane.

You really need to just do this.

OP here. Managing our family requires both of us, and I can't have everything fall on me.

I showed this thread to my husband. He says he has thought he has ADHD (our son does) for a long time, but was reluctant to get evaluated. Like my son, he is kind, thoughtful, etc., but has to try so very hard to get focused and understand time the same way we do. I appreciated what a PP said about "feeling time."

Husband said that he can sometimes make it early to work meetings, using strategies we try at home. But I know it takes a tremendous amount of planning and effort. Not an excuse, just a realization.

He has agreed to see a therapist. This is a good step.

I'm the PP who mentioned not "feeling" time. There's actually a name for it- time blindness. Here is some more information.

http://adhdhomestead.net/time-blindness/

http://untappedbrilliance.com/why-does-time-travel-differently-when-you-have-adhd/

SO helpful and enlightening!!

[Anonymous]

My wife is like this. In her case, it is a combination of social anxiety and poor planning.

I hate being late, our daughter hates being late. It is a constant source of stress.

What happens is, DW will not budget enough time for transit or whatever. Or she will lie down for a nap at say 5:30 when we need to be out by six.

I have come to realize there is nothing I can do. So, I often go with just DD or alone.

I know if the event starts at 7 (promptly), we need to be there by 6:45. With traffic, we need to leave by six. So we need to start getting ready at 5:30. If I try to assist DW in planning, I am accused of managing her.

So, now, we plan to go separately, which works for things locally, but not for events where parking is an issue (e.g., ball games).