Sex life with DH just not that good

[Anonymous]

I apologize if this belongs in explicit, but I don't intend to get to graphic. I've been married for 14 years and have 2 kids in elementary school. DH is a good father, and a reasonably good husband - not the most romantic guy, and sometimes inconsiderate, but mostly good - helps around the house, can be a bit abrupt at times, but by no stretch is he mean or abusive. Our sex life together has never been that great. It's hard for him to make me orgasm through oral, and that's the only way I could ever do it with anyone. Sex is rather quick and just not that satisfying. It was never great, but it is starting to bother me more than it used to. I feel like I deserve to enjoy having sex and am afraid I never will again. I don't think it is anything about DH's looks that is turning me off - he's gained a bit of weight, but nothing terrible, works out, keeps clean, nice hair. I wish he would be more romantic and pay more attention to me outside of sex, but there's really nothing terribly wrong about his personality either. I'm not sure what to do - I want to like sleeping with him, and I don't want to find anyone else. I told him this is bothering me, and he brought a book about how to perform oral sex, but it didn't help him. What can I do to help fix this (and please do not say have an affair or find someone else, because I don't want to)?


I don't think this is about sex at all. DH is a "reasonably good husband" "Not the most romantic" "sometimes inconsiderate" .... "I wish he'd be more romantic and pay more attention to me outside of sex"

So ... I think you need to work on your relationship before you work on the sex.

OP here. We probably do - and that means me as well as him. I guess the point that I was trying to make was that, compared to most of the husbands I see described here, DH is a great catch. I know that. I want to improve things between us.

[Anonymous]

You are the owner of your orgasm GPS so while he is 'driving' or rather 'diving', give him directions!!

[Anonymous]

Another vote to get a vibe and use it during sex. My wife does, on her back, while I am on top.

Why not show him what you like from oral? I can bring every woman over the edge that way and I don't think i have special talents. It's not that hard to figure out. Have a day to show him what works and what doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another vote to get a vibe and use it during sex. My wife does, on her back, while I am on top.

Why not show him what you like from oral? I can bring every woman over the edge that way and I don't think i have special talents. It's not that hard to figure out. Have a day to show him what works and what doesn't.

Every woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another vote to get a vibe and use it during sex. My wife does, on her back, while I am on top.

Why not show him what you like from oral? I can bring every woman over the edge that way and I don't think i have special talents. It's not that hard to figure out. Have a day to show him what works and what doesn't.

Every woman?

Every woman I have dated. Which is about 2 dozen or so. I am sure there are challenges out there but I accept that challenge.

[Anonymous]

He should cheat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another vote to get a vibe and use it during sex. My wife does, on her back, while I am on top.

Why not show him what you like from oral? I can bring every woman over the edge that way and I don't think i have special talents. It's not that hard to figure out. Have a day to show him what works and what doesn't.

Every woman?

Every woman I have dated. Which is about 2 dozen or so. I am sure there are challenges out there but I accept that challenge.

The pussy whisperer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I apologize if this belongs in explicit, but I don't intend to get to graphic. I've been married for 14 years and have 2 kids in elementary school. DH is a good father, and a reasonably good husband - not the most romantic guy, and sometimes inconsiderate, but mostly good - helps around the house, can be a bit abrupt at times, but by no stretch is he mean or abusive. Our sex life together has never been that great. It's hard for him to make me orgasm through oral, and that's the only way I could ever do it with anyone. Sex is rather quick and just not that satisfying. It was never great, but it is starting to bother me more than it used to. I feel like I deserve to enjoy having sex and am afraid I never will again. I don't think it is anything about DH's looks that is turning me off - he's gained a bit of weight, but nothing terrible, works out, keeps clean, nice hair. I wish he would be more romantic and pay more attention to me outside of sex, but there's really nothing terribly wrong about his personality either. I'm not sure what to do - I want to like sleeping with him, and I don't want to find anyone else. I told him this is bothering me, and he brought a book about how to perform oral sex, but it didn't help him. What can I do to help fix this (and please do not say have an affair or find someone else, because I don't want to)?


I don't think this is about sex at all. DH is a "reasonably good husband" "Not the most romantic" "sometimes inconsiderate" .... "I wish he'd be more romantic and pay more attention to me outside of sex"

So ... I think you need to work on your relationship before you work on the sex.

OP here. We probably do - and that means me as well as him. I guess the point that I was trying to make was that, compared to most of the husbands I see described here, DH is a great catch. I know that. I want to improve things between us.

how does your DH feel about his sex life? Does he feel you are really good in bed? Are you creative and exciting in how you stimulate him and arouse him? Would he consider you to be focused on his satisfaction and on him? Or is the sex mostly about meeting your needs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I apologize if this belongs in explicit, but I don't intend to get to graphic. I've been married for 14 years and have 2 kids in elementary school. DH is a good father, and a reasonably good husband - not the most romantic guy, and sometimes inconsiderate, but mostly good - helps around the house, can be a bit abrupt at times, but by no stretch is he mean or abusive. Our sex life together has never been that great. It's hard for him to make me orgasm through oral, and that's the only way I could ever do it with anyone. Sex is rather quick and just not that satisfying. It was never great, but it is starting to bother me more than it used to. I feel like I deserve to enjoy having sex and am afraid I never will again. I don't think it is anything about DH's looks that is turning me off - he's gained a bit of weight, but nothing terrible, works out, keeps clean, nice hair. I wish he would be more romantic and pay more attention to me outside of sex, but there's really nothing terribly wrong about his personality either. I'm not sure what to do - I want to like sleeping with him, and I don't want to find anyone else. I told him this is bothering me, and he brought a book about how to perform oral sex, but it didn't help him. What can I do to help fix this (and please do not say have an affair or find someone else, because I don't want to)?


I don't think this is about sex at all. DH is a "reasonably good husband" "Not the most romantic" "sometimes inconsiderate" .... "I wish he'd be more romantic and pay more attention to me outside of sex"

So ... I think you need to work on your relationship before you work on the sex.

OP here. We probably do - and that means me as well as him. I guess the point that I was trying to make was that, compared to most of the husbands I see described here, DH is a great catch. I know that. I want to improve things between us.

So, maybe you need to set up the romance. Make sure he knows he needs to appreciate you. I GET that he's a good person, father, and husband (you said all that, too), so how do you work on YOUR relationship outside of sex?

1) Do stuff together. Without the children. Interesting stuff!
2) Have dates. Ask him to plan them. If you need childcare, just plan it and say, let's go out on Friday, I've got a sitter, can you find somewhere new for us to go?
3) talk a little bit every night. Do the love languages, make sure you understand his, and he understands yours.
4) Hug more. Longer hugs.
5) Appreciate him in the ways that make a difference to him. Give him your full attention (and make sure you get it back, too).

[Anonymous]

I'm saying all this ^^^, OP, because I know my husband is a catch, but when I'm a little disconnected, sex is cruddy. I need to catch the romance, catch the feelings again for him, and that means making the effort to spend time with him, and enjoy him for who he is.

[Anonymous]

So, maybe you need to set up the romance. Make sure he knows he needs to appreciate you. I GET that he's a good person, father, and husband (you said all that, too), so how do you work on YOUR relationship outside of sex?

1) Do stuff together. Without the children. Interesting stuff!
2) Have dates. Ask him to plan them. If you need childcare, just plan it and say, let's go out on Friday, I've got a sitter, can you find somewhere new for us to go?
3) talk a little bit every night. Do the love languages, make sure you understand his, and he understands yours.
4) Hug more. Longer hugs.
5) Appreciate him in the ways that make a difference to him. Give him your full attention (and make sure you get it back, too).

Those are all good suggestions. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

how does your DH feel about his sex life? Does he feel you are really good in bed? Are you creative and exciting in how you stimulate him and arouse him? Would he consider you to be focused on his satisfaction and on him?

He is not very open to discussing these issues and always says that everything is fine. It is frustrating. If there is something I am doing that he doesn't like, or something that he would like me to do that I'm not doing, I'd like him to tell me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really does not matter if a man is small or lacks stamina and it does not matter if a woman cannot orgasm by PIV or even orally. If both agree to bring in sex toys in the relationship, encourage masturbation and have open communication, sex will become phenomenal.

Cant believe this thread made it to page three before someone blamed a man's penis size for a woman's inability to have an orgasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him exactly what you want. Why would you have him buy a book?

If that's the book I'm thinking of, it was very informative! Told me a lot of things I didn't know. I highly doubt that DW would ever have told me to do the things in the book -- but she liked them when I tried them!

what book is that?

Just a guess, but "She Comes First."
https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260

Yeah, that's it!

[Anonymous]

OP - have you worked on your own foreplay skills? If I sense a quickie is on the horizon I will have my DH lie back completely still and then I take over. I won't get too explicit but its amazing what 10 minutes of me in charge does to him. He will then get very physical and adventuresome pleasuring me.