Need to forget about someone- how? Need help.

[Anonymous]

Ah, the folly of youth Under someone else, immediately, OP!

[Anonymous]

My "ex" is a beautiful coworker (still works down the hall from me). It was a torrid EA that went on for a year. I got addicted to what I call the emotional slot machine. Sometimes when we interacted, the lights would flash and the bells would ring, and total validation would come spilling out of that beautiful machine ("We'd be so perfect together."). Other times, the machine would unemotionally take my token ("It's inappropriate for you to think of me that way"). It took me a while to diagnose her with textbook Narcissist Personality Disorder, which has a predictable hot/cold pattern of control. NPDs get Narcissistic "supply" at both ends of the manipulation: first in the power of attracting you, over and over (positive fuel), and when that gets stale (or they're disappointed in your obvious weakness), then a rush of power by seeing the emotional havoc they're able to wreak in their sudden 180 (negative fuel). It's not hard to feel contempt for someone who takes pleasure in causing you pain, especially when you recognize that all the positive affirmations are just set-ups for the inevitable, crushing discard phase.

[Anonymous]

You can't. You will forget with time. The only advice I can give is to occupy yourself with many activities. Time will heal you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah, the folly of youth Under someone else, immediately, OP!

Op here. I wish- I'm mid 30s. This was no spring break romance at the local pool. It was complicated, messy, and addictive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My "ex" is a beautiful coworker (still works down the hall from me). It was a torrid EA that went on for a year. I got addicted to what I call the emotional slot machine. Sometimes when we interacted, the lights would flash and the bells would ring, and total validation would come spilling out of that beautiful machine ("We'd be so perfect together."). Other times, the machine would unemotionally take my token ("It's inappropriate for you to think of me that way"). It took me a while to diagnose her with textbook Narcissist Personality Disorder, which has a predictable hot/cold pattern of control. NPDs get Narcissistic "supply" at both ends of the manipulation: first in the power of attracting you, over and over (positive fuel), and when that gets stale (or they're disappointed in your obvious weakness), then a rush of power by seeing the emotional havoc they're able to wreak in their sudden 180 (negative fuel). It's not hard to feel contempt for someone who takes pleasure in causing you pain, especially when you recognize that all the positive affirmations are just set-ups for the inevitable, crushing discard phase.

Quite a story!

So this discard phase - did she just abruptly end it? Or fade you out? How do you feel about seeing her now?

Either of you married?

[Anonymous]

OP are you married, or is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My "ex" is a beautiful coworker (still works down the hall from me). It was a torrid EA that went on for a year. I got addicted to what I call the emotional slot machine. Sometimes when we interacted, the lights would flash and the bells would ring, and total validation would come spilling out of that beautiful machine ("We'd be so perfect together."). Other times, the machine would unemotionally take my token ("It's inappropriate for you to think of me that way"). It took me a while to diagnose her with textbook Narcissist Personality Disorder, which has a predictable hot/cold pattern of control. NPDs get Narcissistic "supply" at both ends of the manipulation: first in the power of attracting you, over and over (positive fuel), and when that gets stale (or they're disappointed in your obvious weakness), then a rush of power by seeing the emotional havoc they're able to wreak in their sudden 180 (negative fuel). It's not hard to feel contempt for someone who takes pleasure in causing you pain, especially when you recognize that all the positive affirmations are just set-ups for the inevitable, crushing discard phase.

Not OP, but this describes perfectly the situation I was in 5 years ago. I am so happy to be over the emotional hold it had over me.

[Anonymous]

Workout and listen to angry music while doing it.

Sleep with someone new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My "ex" is a beautiful coworker (still works down the hall from me). It was a torrid EA that went on for a year. I got addicted to what I call the emotional slot machine. Sometimes when we interacted, the lights would flash and the bells would ring, and total validation would come spilling out of that beautiful machine ("We'd be so perfect together."). Other times, the machine would unemotionally take my token ("It's inappropriate for you to think of me that way"). It took me a while to diagnose her with textbook Narcissist Personality Disorder, which has a predictable hot/cold pattern of control. NPDs get Narcissistic "supply" at both ends of the manipulation: first in the power of attracting you, over and over (positive fuel), and when that gets stale (or they're disappointed in your obvious weakness), then a rush of power by seeing the emotional havoc they're able to wreak in their sudden 180 (negative fuel). It's not hard to feel contempt for someone who takes pleasure in causing you pain, especially when you recognize that all the positive affirmations are just set-ups for the inevitable, crushing discard phase.

WOw. OP here. This gives me chills it is so accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My "ex" is a beautiful coworker (still works down the hall from me). It was a torrid EA that went on for a year. I got addicted to what I call the emotional slot machine. Sometimes when we interacted, the lights would flash and the bells would ring, and total validation would come spilling out of that beautiful machine ("We'd be so perfect together."). Other times, the machine would unemotionally take my token ("It's inappropriate for you to think of me that way"). It took me a while to diagnose her with textbook Narcissist Personality Disorder, which has a predictable hot/cold pattern of control. NPDs get Narcissistic "supply" at both ends of the manipulation: first in the power of attracting you, over and over (positive fuel), and when that gets stale (or they're disappointed in your obvious weakness), then a rush of power by seeing the emotional havoc they're able to wreak in their sudden 180 (negative fuel). It's not hard to feel contempt for someone who takes pleasure in causing you pain, especially when you recognize that all the positive affirmations are just set-ups for the inevitable, crushing discard phase.

WOw. OP here. This gives me chills it is so accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My "ex" is a beautiful coworker (still works down the hall from me). It was a torrid EA that went on for a year. I got addicted to what I call the emotional slot machine. Sometimes when we interacted, the lights would flash and the bells would ring, and total validation would come spilling out of that beautiful machine ("We'd be so perfect together."). Other times, the machine would unemotionally take my token ("It's inappropriate for you to think of me that way"). It took me a while to diagnose her with textbook Narcissist Personality Disorder, which has a predictable hot/cold pattern of control. NPDs get Narcissistic "supply" at both ends of the manipulation: first in the power of attracting you, over and over (positive fuel), and when that gets stale (or they're disappointed in your obvious weakness), then a rush of power by seeing the emotional havoc they're able to wreak in their sudden 180 (negative fuel). It's not hard to feel contempt for someone who takes pleasure in causing you pain, especially when you recognize that all the positive affirmations are just set-ups for the inevitable, crushing discard phase.

WOw. OP here. This gives me chills it is so accurate.

NP- I'm involved with some just like this!!!

[Anonymous]

5 Ways to Move on When You Still Love Your Ex:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201508/5-ways-move-when-you-still-love-your-ex

[Anonymous]

Anyone have a good book rec on getting over a narcissist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have a good book rec on getting over a narcissist?

Love Types or Bad Boyfriends by Jeb Kinnison.

[Anonymous]

What got me through a similar situation was blocking him calling and texting me - no contact, similar to if he died. Saving his awful emails and texts and rereading them as a reminder of what a jerk he is whenever I got the urge to contact him. Took some time but now I am completely cured of the sickness.