School Clothes for the Fall

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If your child is going to a new school, wait until the first weekend after school starts to buy their wardrobe. Allow them to see what other kids are wearing. Corporate America has their own dress culture - kids do, too.

Wow, I hadn't even thought about this. Thanks for this great advice!

[Anonymous]

Furthermore, if tuition is sucking you so dry that you can't afford to keep up with the Joneses and their expensive taste in clothing, you're not living within your mean and you're sending out the wrong message to your kids.

This is a ridiculously naive statement! Just because someone shops at TJMAXX, Marshalls, Ebay, or for sales does not mean they are trying to "keep up with the Joneses" or being "sucked dry" by their tuition bills. I, for one, CHOOSE to shop at those places. Why waste money paying full price when you can wait for it to go on sale or find something similar at a discount. It makes perfect economical sense and teaches my children how to save and shop intelligently. I can afford my "Big 3" tuition and to shop at Neimans/Saks for my kids, but why would I if I can find the same quality and brands discounted elsewhere. Not to mention the fact that I actually get some satisfaction in finding good deals.

On the flip side, If I didn't have the means - I would rather have my child's tuition "suck me dry" then send him/her to the inadequate public schools in my neighborhood so that we could afford more material goods. Sending the message that a good education is a priority is far more important to me.

And finally, I agree with PPs that kids from both public and private are concerned about brands/material goods. It is not the result of rich/poor-private/public but rather a problem with our society as a whole and fed largely by the media that our children are exposed to everyday on TV, internet, music, and magazines. It has been around forever and does not just occur with the rich/private school kids and families - that is a ridiculous generalization!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is moving from a private school where they dressed like slobs to a school where the kids dress really well. He's always dressed in a nice style but we are waiting to buys shoes until he sees what the other boys are wearing. I see the shoes as a way to facilitate making freinds more easily - especially as he will be with kids who have been together for years already.

It's easy when you've got the right shoes!

[Anonymous]

I just had a flashback to my school years and being the only kid not wearing the same shoes as all the other kids. Immediately penned as the "outsider." Swore that my children would not have to go through that. At their school, the girls all seem to wear Uggs and the boys Merrills. It's amazing the impact that shoes have on how people see you initially.

[Anonymous]

PP, I have to agree. Normally I would say to ignore the whole thing, but I am not about to give a sensitive 12 year old one more thing to worry about. My mother did not give a hoot about clothes, and we looked it. It still affects me in a subtle way. I actually think that I would be LESS clothes conscious today if we did not have that stress.
I do not plan to go overboard, but my dd or ds will not stand out. I will of course be thrifty, but even if it means consignment or charity clothing through Goodwill, they will fit in.


On a final note, lets all make an effort to teach our kids not to judge their peers by the way they dress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I run a wardrobe consulting business so I naturally notice what kids wear at their schools. Things have not changed so much since we were kids. The significance of what kids wear is one of many factors that determine how they want to be seen and with whom they want to bond. It is about first impressions and finding others who appear to be similar and familiar to us. Where we go wrong is when we put the sole emphasis on names and labels and when we dress in away that is not authentic and does not mirror our souls.

You cannot go wrong if you take a balanced approach to clothing your child. Spend more on an item that will last and is not trendy. Studies show that they are a better investment if the item in question will be worn lots and last a longer time. Spend less on trendy and clothing that will be outgrown within months. Allow your child to have a say on what will be most important for him/her.

The great news is that there are many outlets that will allow you to buy quality clothing at great discount. And Target has made it fashionable to pay less for cutting edge designer diffusion brands. Also, sign up for emails from stores. They will send you coupons which you can use to save a bundle.

If your child is going to a new school, wait until the first weekend after school starts to buy their wardrobe. Allow them to see what other kids are wearing. Corporate America has their own dress culture - kids do, too.

My son is moving from a private school where they dressed like slobs to a school where the kids dress really well. He's always dressed in a nice style but we are waiting to buys shoes until he sees what the other boys are wearing. I see the shoes as a way to facilitate making freinds more easily - especially as he will be with kids who have been together for years already.

This is just too weird and too sad at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Furthermore, if tuition is sucking you so dry that you can't afford to keep up with the Joneses and their expensive taste in clothing, you're not living within your mean and you're sending out the wrong message to your kids.

So keeping up with the Joneses comes before tuition?

If paying private school tuition cuts into the food and health care budget, that's an issue. But if what you sacrifice is expensive clothes (or a bigger house), that's completely defensible.

Now if private school tuition is a form of keeping up with the Joneses, I guess it's counterproductive if it puts you in a different crowd of Joneses with whom you can no longer keep up. But nothing in OP's post suggested that.

[Anonymous]

The big issue here is that we should all be sensitive to our children's need to fit in. What ever symbol the group uses to define that varies. I my day it was wallabies and levi's cords. I believe that much of this is evolutionary, a way of figuring out who is a misfit, seems pathological, but maybe we should not dwell on it for too long.
This age group is the same where ever you go in the world. Once the group gets large enough the cliques start.

[Anonymous]

This thread covers all of the issues that make me such a strong proponent of uniforms.

[Anonymous]

I also strongly agree with all pp's about being sensitive to our kids' needs to fit in. It is amazing how many stories I've heard through my time from other women who have clothing "baggage" from their school days. 20+ years later, their experiences still resonate.

I've attended schools with and without uniform policies. Even with uniforms, the kids still will find a way. My niece tells me that at her (uniform) school in this region, it is all about having the pricey designer handbag.

[Anonymous]

http://www.rps.psu.edu/probing/materialism.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The big issue here is that we should all be sensitive to our children's need to fit in. What ever symbol the group uses to define that varies. I my day it was wallabies and levi's cords. I believe that much of this is evolutionary, a way of figuring out who is a misfit, seems pathological, but maybe we should not dwell on it for too long.
This age group is the same where ever you go in the world. Once the group gets large enough the cliques start.

Where does it stop? And how do you differentiate between a kd's "need to fit in" from a parent's desire that the kid fit in. I know this isn't where you were going, but this logic reminds me of why some gay kids end up closeted or suicidal. Maybe teaching kids to sensibly resist the pressure to "fit in" is a better life skill than teaching them, from 3rd grade, that they should check out other kids' footwear so they don't become outcasts because of a fashion faux pas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing how many stories I've heard through my time from other women who have clothing "baggage" from their school days. 20+ years later, their experiences still resonate.

Um, yeah, so now they are passing on that baggage in an "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" manner. Don't be left out like I was, always make sure that you always have the right clothes. And remember that the right clothes keep changing -- new school, new clothes. But don't judge others by their clothes. Just make sure you buy what everyone else does. Nothing wrong with people who don't. You just can't afford to be one of them.

[Anonymous]

As with everything, applying balance to every situation is important. This is not an all or nothing issue and every parent needs to arrive at their own solution - what works best for their family. Make decisions that honor who you are, what you stand for and what is best for your child's particular situation.

As for this whole image issue, it might seem shallow to many of us but how we dress has real-world implications. While we would all like to think that how we look should not be considered, reality tells us otherwise. Look at all the studies that show people who take the time to hone their visual appearance are much more likely to earn more money, get promoted and receive the recognition they are due. Our visual appearance and body language account for 93% of a first impression. Our spoken word only receives 7% consideration. Sad? Yes. But it is reality and goes back to the "fight or flight" theories of survival. We are inherently a visual society and those of us who wish to achieve our own personal, professional and social goals will take this into account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The big issue here is that we should all be sensitive to our children's need to fit in. What ever symbol the group uses to define that varies. I my day it was wallabies and levi's cords. I believe that much of this is evolutionary, a way of figuring out who is a misfit, seems pathological, but maybe we should not dwell on it for too long.
This age group is the same where ever you go in the world. Once the group gets large enough the cliques start.

Where does it stop? And how do you differentiate between a kd's "need to fit in" from a parent's desire that the kid fit in. I know this isn't where you were going, but this logic reminds me of why some gay kids end up closeted or suicidal. Maybe teaching kids to sensibly resist the pressure to "fit in" is a better life skill than teaching them, from 3rd grade, that they should check out other kids' footwear so they don't become outcasts because of a fashion faux pas.

I am not suggesting that we pressure our kids to fit in. However, if my dd tells me that she does not want me to buy X shoes, but prefers Y, and I know that it is because it is the in thing, I will take a different approach than my mother did. I see what my mother was trying to accomplish, but she got no where with me at 12. At 17 she would have had better luck. At later ages, you child might still be in to fashion, but it could take on a different form. They might be naturally fastidious, or into the new look, or a trend setter. At 12-15 it peaks as only a method of acceptance, by other girls and boys.

BTW, Both extremes would be worrisome, I would be more concerned about my dd being a loner and not caring about her appearance, than being the fashion queen when she is 12.