Would you let a twelve-year-old girl ride the subway to school?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I would if she is comfortable. I tried to push my 12 year old beyond her comfort zone public transport-wise and had to pull it back because she just wasn't comfortable. My 14 YO takes public transport alone all of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely trust the input of a longtime cop. Especially a cop who was on the force in the same city where she will be traveling to school daily.

OP, why are you balking at his clear, professional opinion on this? Are you worried that DD won't grow up to be independent enough if she doesn't do this on her own? It's not coddling her or denying her independence to say no to this. Instead you will teach her that learning to exercise appropriate caution is as important a life skill as doing everything independently, and heeding the advice of people with experience is the smart thing to do.

So, to your question: No.

Just to clarify DH's over-protectiveness - he had her wear a bike helmet on the subway when she was 0 to 5 years old. He stool outside her preschool for the entire day on her first day of school.

DD really wants to be independent and start her new school on her own. DH will pick her up every late afternoon and ride home with her but I thought that two stops and a couple of blocks would probably be okay.

But DH and all of you are probably right. It is no problem for me to take the subway with her and walk her to school and the go to work.

You are either trolling or your DH has an anxiety disorder.

You don't know any cops, do you? Cops see the worst every day and are all probably like this. I know my brother, a 20 detective is like this with his kids. It isn't anxiety with them - it is reality. OP's husband probably saw a horrific accident on the subway where a baby's skull was crushed. These are the images that stay with cops for the rest of their lives.

My brother's grade school kids have bulletproof backpacks.

[Anonymous]

I think it is fine, OP. Sounds like she has been a subway rider all her life. NYC is so safe now - especially the Upper West Side. All she will encounter are other professionals like you and probably a bunch of other high school kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes. About 11 would be when I'd feel comfortable with the scenario you described.

[Anonymous]

absolutely not. Someone may start watching her and know her routine. A 12 year old girl by herself....never!

[Anonymous]

I took the subway to school starting when I was 10, turning 11 in NYC. West 72nd to 110th St. It was fine. Ride the subway with her some and talk to her about protocols and how to act on the subway. Two stops is nothing.

[Anonymous]

This is very normal. Of course.

[Anonymous]

No, 12 is too young, even though nyc is safer than dc.
They have pushers in nyc unlike dc or other cities. Too many innocent subway riders being pushed onto the tracks and getting killed by the mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no clue who is posting "hell no" from DC, because they're dead wrong. I presume they are from the suburbs and they are projecting what they think their answers would be if they lived here, but the reality is, the DC metro and the DC buses are packed in the morning with school kids--public and private. Starting in 5th grade, when she was 10, my daughter has taken the metro to school, camps, etc. by herself. We consider ourselves protective, upper middle class parents, but city living is city living and literally every other parent we know has been doing the same with their kids since 5th grade (when they all start leaving their local elementary schools we could walk to). And she loves the independence. She has a cell phone. We always go with her on her first day--it helps with everyone's nerves and it's a fun tradition.

The Hell Nos are probably coming from people in the outer burbs, who only head to DC for the occasional night out or smithsonian visit when the relations come to town.

[Anonymous]

Lived in NYC from birth to 2nd grade, 6th to college.

Not alone. I'd only let her go with a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, 12 is too young, even though nyc is safer than dc.
They have pushers in nyc unlike dc or other cities. Too many innocent subway riders being pushed onto the tracks and getting killed by the mentally ill.

How many times has that actually happened in the last year? I find it hard to believe that there's an epidemic of subway pushing.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kid. I presume they're used to taking the subway and know how to swipe a metro card and read a map, as well as giving up a seat for an elderly person and not be loud with friends.

I took a city bus starting in 7th grade and all my friends started doing busses and subways alone for school then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely trust the input of a longtime cop. Especially a cop who was on the force in the same city where she will be traveling to school daily.

OP, why are you balking at his clear, professional opinion on this? Are you worried that DD won't grow up to be independent enough if she doesn't do this on her own? It's not coddling her or denying her independence to say no to this. Instead you will teach her that learning to exercise appropriate caution is as important a life skill as doing everything independently, and heeding the advice of people with experience is the smart thing to do.

So, to your question: No.

Just to clarify DH's over-protectiveness - he had her wear a bike helmet on the subway when she was 0 to 5 years old. He stool outside her preschool for the entire day on her first day of school.

DD really wants to be independent and start her new school on her own. DH will pick her up every late afternoon and ride home with her but I thought that two stops and a couple of blocks would probably be okay.

But DH and all of you are probably right. It is no problem for me to take the subway with her and walk her to school and the go to work.

Whoah - that's not normal! Whatever you decide about the subway, that behavior is rather concerning.

On the subway thing, FWIW, my daughter took the 30s bus across town to her middle school at that age. However, as I recall (was some time ago), we dropped her off at a bus stop where other kids were meeting to go together and we might have driven her over if we didn't see kids there. The thing about the bus is that if there are problems there's a responsible adult right there driving the bus.

[Anonymous]

"make sure she doesn't talk to adults but she can talk to young teenegers"

I'd say the reverse. On a crowded subway, I think the risk of an adult causing her harm is basically zero. However, the risk of being picked on or bullied by other kids of similar or slightly older age could be a risk - though it varies greatly depending on neighborhood and the child.

But it's not an all or nothing. For a few days (or however long it takes for you to both be comfortable), go with her. Then take the subway and let her walk from the station. Then go on subway but stay on train and let her walk the rest of the way. Then drop her off at the subway. And so on.

[Anonymous]

Safer than a car.

Also, "creepy people" could "figure out her routine" whether or not she's on metro. Unless you're going to escort her foot to door, that shouldn't be a reason not to let her.