Would you let a twelve-year-old girl ride the subway to school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We aren't in DC - we are in NYC. She would be alone for only two stops and then a five block walk to her new 7th grade - her school and my work are both on the Upper East Side - nice neighborhoods. She is a very independent girl and responsible for her age. I say yes but DH says no. (He was a NYC cop for 22 years).

I am sure there are similar situations in DC and kids taking the metro alone. What would you do?

she won't be the only one, and there also people around so she should be okay, make sure she doesn't talk to adults but she can talk to young teenegers

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely trust the input of a longtime cop. Especially a cop who was on the force in the same city where she will be traveling to school daily.

OP, why are you balking at his clear, professional opinion on this? Are you worried that DD won't grow up to be independent enough if she doesn't do this on her own? It's not coddling her or denying her independence to say no to this. Instead you will teach her that learning to exercise appropriate caution is as important a life skill as doing everything independently, and heeding the advice of people with experience is the smart thing to do.

So, to your question: No.

Just to clarify DH's over-protectiveness - he had her wear a bike helmet on the subway when she was 0 to 5 years old. He stool outside her preschool for the entire day on her first day of school.

DD really wants to be independent and start her new school on her own. DH will pick her up every late afternoon and ride home with her but I thought that two stops and a couple of blocks would probably be okay.

But DH and all of you are probably right. It is no problem for me to take the subway with her and walk her to school and the go to work.

Yes, that's overprotective. I don't think he's using his "clear, professional" opinion here.

What if you went with her for maybe the first two weeks, to see how it went? And then reassess, based on more information about her specific ride/walk and her individual capabilities and comfort level.

[Anonymous]

If your DH had her wearing a bike helmet on the subway (actually pretty funny, OP) then I can assume that your DD has ridden the subway all her life as a means of transportation. She is probably quite savvy. If not, make sure you sure this time to teach her how to react to emergency situations. Make sure she understands how to be aware of her surroundings.

That said, I would still wait a year or two.

[Anonymous]

OP, what does your husband let your daughter do alone? Run errands for you? Go to the movies with her friends? Be home by herself for a couple of hours?

When does he think she'll be old enough to take the subway alone?

Where did you both grow up? How old were each of you when you were allowed to do something like this?

I'd be much more willing to listen to the opinion of someone who is generally rational, even if I thought he was wrong about a particular point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely trust the input of a longtime cop. Especially a cop who was on the force in the same city where she will be traveling to school daily.

OP, why are you balking at his clear, professional opinion on this? Are you worried that DD won't grow up to be independent enough if she doesn't do this on her own? It's not coddling her or denying her independence to say no to this. Instead you will teach her that learning to exercise appropriate caution is as important a life skill as doing everything independently, and heeding the advice of people with experience is the smart thing to do.

So, to your question: No.

Just to clarify DH's over-protectiveness - he had her wear a bike helmet on the subway when she was 0 to 5 years old. He stool outside her preschool for the entire day on her first day of school.

DD really wants to be independent and start her new school on her own. DH will pick her up every late afternoon and ride home with her but I thought that two stops and a couple of blocks would probably be okay.

But DH and all of you are probably right. It is no problem for me to take the subway with her and walk her to school and the go to work.

Your husband sounds nuts. (I'm sure he's lovely, but that's nuts). Yes, let her. How else will she learn street smarts if she doesn't get to test out handling herself in a relatively safe environment?

[Anonymous]

no

[Anonymous]

Yes,

My son Started riding home from camp the summer he was 12, with a similar commute. He is a black boy so significantly more at risk than she according to crime stats.

The helmet thing just shows your husband let's his fears override common sense.

[Anonymous]

Yes,

My son Started riding home from camp the summer he was 12, with a similar commute. He is a black boy so significantly more at risk than she according to crime stats.

The helmet thing just shows your husband let's his fears override common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely trust the input of a longtime cop. Especially a cop who was on the force in the same city where she will be traveling to school daily.

OP, why are you balking at his clear, professional opinion on this? Are you worried that DD won't grow up to be independent enough if she doesn't do this on her own? It's not coddling her or denying her independence to say no to this. Instead you will teach her that learning to exercise appropriate caution is as important a life skill as doing everything independently, and heeding the advice of people with experience is the smart thing to do.

So, to your question: No.

I disagree, my H is a cop and my kids would never drive, take the metro, go down to the creek, go far away to college, etc if it were up to him.

They see the worst in the world and project it onto their family.

My advice, call the school and ask them their opinion.

While I would not be happy sending my kid "alone" my Gonzaga friends do it all the time because they are not alone, once they get off the stop there are tons of kids to walk with.

I went to school in DC and took the metro bus... alone.

[Anonymous]

^^^^ just to add, I let my sons start riding the Ride On in MoCo starting in 6th grade. But that is no where near, the metro in NYC.

[Anonymous]

He stool outside her preschool for the entire day on her first day of school.

OMG... cop wife here... my H did the same thing.

He did random drop ins about 5 times in a year and would park and watch him on the playground about once a month.

We would joke that he was on a surveillance detail that year.

P.S. just call the school, they deal with this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely trust the input of a longtime cop. Especially a cop who was on the force in the same city where she will be traveling to school daily.

OP, why are you balking at his clear, professional opinion on this? Are you worried that DD won't grow up to be independent enough if she doesn't do this on her own? It's not coddling her or denying her independence to say no to this. Instead you will teach her that learning to exercise appropriate caution is as important a life skill as doing everything independently, and heeding the advice of people with experience is the smart thing to do.

So, to your question: No.

The LEO's I know are overly paranoid because of what they see. That should be factored in when considering their opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely trust the input of a longtime cop. Especially a cop who was on the force in the same city where she will be traveling to school daily.

OP, why are you balking at his clear, professional opinion on this? Are you worried that DD won't grow up to be independent enough if she doesn't do this on her own? It's not coddling her or denying her independence to say no to this. Instead you will teach her that learning to exercise appropriate caution is as important a life skill as doing everything independently, and heeding the advice of people with experience is the smart thing to do.

So, to your question: No.

I disagree, my H is a cop and my kids would never drive, take the metro, go down to the creek, go far away to college, etc if it were up to him.

They see the worst in the world and project it onto their family.

My advice, call the school and ask them their opinion.

While I would not be happy sending my kid "alone" my Gonzaga friends do it all the time because they are not alone, once they get off the stop there are tons of kids to walk with.

I went to school in DC and took the metro bus... alone.

Gonzaga doesn't have middle school. Are you saying you wouldn't let your highschooler ride the metro?