I don't deal well with melodrama, please help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi guys, it's me, OP again. I'm checking in this thread again to vent. Here are some examples of her behavior since my last posting:

me: I call her, she doesn't respond for 3 days (which I am totally fine with btw)
her text: "Mad I missed your call since you never call me". (Keep in mind she still has never called back, just texts.)

her: Texts me a bunch of selfies of her in a row
me: "Cute"
her: "That's it?? Thought you would like the pictures more than that??"

her: "Come pick me up or something"
me: "Why, don't you have car?"
her: "Yeah but I want you to be stuck with me. Why haven't we ever spent a whole day together???"

me: "Hey how's your day today?
her: "Okay. Text me back since you never do"

DCUM, I am really trying to forge a relationship with a person I don't know who is biologically my sister. I want to pursue this with her, but I find her behavior confusing and frustrating. Am I a bad person? Please tell me how to not be annoyed by this constant focus on "the relationship" and temperature taking.

OP this isn't melodrama - it's straight up passive aggressive. If you really want to have a relationship with her, be straightforward and ignore the PA stuff:

me: I call her, she doesn't respond for 3 days (which I am totally fine with btw)
her text: "Mad I missed your call since you never call me". (Keep in mind she still has never called back, just texts.)
You: Sounds like you're upset I don't call you very much. I'll try and make more of an effort to call you, but it's really hard since we've been sick and the kids...and blah blah whatever.

her: Texts me a bunch of selfies of her in a row
me: "Cute"
her: "That's it?? Thought you would like the pictures more than that??"
You: I do love the pictures. Are you upset with my response?

her: "Come pick me up or something"
me: "Why, don't you have car?"
her: "Yeah but I want you to be stuck with me. Why haven't we ever spent a whole day together???"
You: Sis, you seem upset that I can't spend as much time with you as you'd like. Let's try and find a date that we can hang out.

me: "Hey how's your day today?
her: "Okay. Text me back since you never do"
You: Sis, I just texted you, yet you say that I never text you. Are you upset about something?


Then take her at her word. if she says, "no, everything is fine" than drop it and believe her. But all these texts have the same underlying issue - she wants you to put in way more time than you are able to. You should call her and talk to her about it. Maybe say "I love you, but with kids, work (or whatever) it's really hard for me to find time to text all the time or call. I hope you understand. Maybe we can commit to seeing each other one afternoon every month (or whatever you can do)."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi guys, it's me, OP again. I'm checking in this thread again to vent. Here are some examples of her behavior since my last posting:

me: I call her, she doesn't respond for 3 days (which I am totally fine with btw)
her text: "Mad I missed your call since you never call me". (Keep in mind she still has never called back, just texts.)

her: Texts me a bunch of selfies of her in a row
me: "Cute"
her: "That's it?? Thought you would like the pictures more than that??"

her: "Come pick me up or something"
me: "Why, don't you have car?"
her: "Yeah but I want you to be stuck with me. Why haven't we ever spent a whole day together???"

me: "Hey how's your day today?
her: "Okay. Text me back since you never do"

DCUM, I am really trying to forge a relationship with a person I don't know who is biologically my sister. I want to pursue this with her, but I find her behavior confusing and frustrating. Am I a bad person? Please tell me how to not be annoyed by this constant focus on "the relationship" and temperature taking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi guys, it's me, OP again. I'm checking in this thread again to vent. Here are some examples of her behavior since my last posting:

me: I call her, she doesn't respond for 3 days (which I am totally fine with btw)
her text: "Mad I missed your call since you never call me". (Keep in mind she still has never called back, just texts.)

her: Texts me a bunch of selfies of her in a row
me: "Cute"
her: "That's it?? Thought you would like the pictures more than that??"

her: "Come pick me up or something"
me: "Why, don't you have car?"
her: "Yeah but I want you to be stuck with me. Why haven't we ever spent a whole day together???"

me: "Hey how's your day today?
her: "Okay. Text me back since you never do"

DCUM, I am really trying to forge a relationship with a person I don't know who is biologically my sister. I want to pursue this with her, but I find her behavior confusing and frustrating. Am I a bad person? Please tell me how to not be annoyed by this constant focus on "the relationship" and temperature taking.

OP this isn't melodrama - it's straight up passive aggressive. If you really want to have a relationship with her, be straightforward and ignore the PA stuff:

me: I call her, she doesn't respond for 3 days (which I am totally fine with btw)
her text: "Mad I missed your call since you never call me". (Keep in mind she still has never called back, just texts.)
You: Sounds like you're upset I don't call you very much. I'll try and make more of an effort to call you, but it's really hard since we've been sick and the kids...and blah blah whatever.

her: Texts me a bunch of selfies of her in a row
me: "Cute"
her: "That's it?? Thought you would like the pictures more than that??"
You: I do love the pictures. Are you upset with my response?

her: "Come pick me up or something"
me: "Why, don't you have car?"
her: "Yeah but I want you to be stuck with me. Why haven't we ever spent a whole day together???"
You: Sis, you seem upset that I can't spend as much time with you as you'd like. Let's try and find a date that we can hang out.

me: "Hey how's your day today?
her: "Okay. Text me back since you never do"
You: Sis, I just texted you, yet you say that I never text you. Are you upset about something?


Then take her at her word. if she says, "no, everything is fine" than drop it and believe her. But all these texts have the same underlying issue - she wants you to put in way more time than you are able to. You should call her and talk to her about it. Maybe say "I love you, but with kids, work (or whatever) it's really hard for me to find time to text all the time or call. I hope you understand. Maybe we can commit to seeing each other one afternoon every month (or whatever you can do)."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My younger sister and I get along well. We've been working towards a good relationship (grew up in separate households) for awhile now. The one thing that bothers me is that I find her to be overly dramatic. For example, I'll think things are good, then out of the blue she'll send me a text like:

"Why do I not know where you live or have my nephew's phone number. I'm kind hearted and a good person even though I have my relationship problems, I'm trustworthy and thoughtful..so why?"

Bear in mind, I don't know where she lives or have her child's phone number either. We live in separate cities. I did not respond right away to this text, my youngest and I have had rotavirus. So, then she calls. I don't answer because I'm vomiting. She sends:

"Filed away"

then

"Could destroy a good person by ignoring them"

Help me here DCUM. I don't deal well with this stuff. Maybe I'm a bad person. But when I'm sick, or anytime, I don't really feel like dealing with someone who I view as melodramatic and looking for reasons that people have failed her. How do I deal with this?

Instead of just asking "Hey, sis, can I get your address and phone number?" she sent that text clearly blaming you for not thinking to give her your address/phone info.

That was a rude way of approaching you. I would have a hard time dealing with someone like that, too, tbh.

Only respond to reasonably framed questions. Ignore the passive aggressive guilt trips.

"Can I get your address?" "Sure, it's 505 Blankety Blank St. Anytown, USA"

"I'm a kind and giving person, why haven't you even told me where you live?" - Ignore.

"It's great to hear from you! I've missed talking to you." "Thanks. It's good to talk to you, too! How's it going?"

"I almost fainted when I saw this text! You never seem to have time for me these days". - Ignore

[Anonymous]

Don't entertain crazy, even if you're related to it. Disengage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re-evaluate what you want from this relationship. You will most likely never be close. That's ok. But these things have much less weight behind them if you aren't trying to please her so much.

Stop apologizing. It makes her think she was right to ding you for something that is normal. So if you find yourself writing "sorry we had rotavirus" edit that to just say "we had rotavirus".

Keep you responses cool and calm. Do not defend against every crazy "bad thing you've done" claim she throws out there, that gives them legitimacy.

Be ready for the fact that she will not like any of this and because of it, she might try to end the relationship.

This might be bordering on emotional abuse, not just annoying behavior. I'd do some reading so you're aware of the signs etc.

+1

There is no "correct" response you can give. She is unreasonable and a constant victim - people like this live in their own reality. Don't apologize, dont make excuses. You can't reason with her. You can call her out, but she won't like it. Unfortunately it may always be tough to have a close relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would you want a relationship with this person?

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would you want a relationship with this person? Do you need a kidney transplant or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she like 16 or something? What the hell? I would be backing away. I don't even know what you would say to try to talk to someone like that.

She's 30. Single. No kids.

In your first post you mentioned she had a child ("I don't have her child's number either"). I just happened to read the first post and the last few pages, which is why I noticed that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she like 16 or something? What the hell? I would be backing away. I don't even know what you would say to try to talk to someone like that.

She's 30. Single. No kids.

In your first post you mentioned she had a child ("I don't have her child's number either"). I just happened to read the first post and the last few pages, which is why I noticed that.

Yes please explain OP

[Anonymous]

She is nuts. Keep her at arm's length!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi guys, it's me, OP again. I'm checking in this thread again to vent. Here are some examples of her behavior since my last posting:

me: I call her, she doesn't respond for 3 days (which I am totally fine with btw)
her text: "Mad I missed your call since you never call me". (Keep in mind she still has never called back, just texts.)

her: Texts me a bunch of selfies of her in a row
me: "Cute"
her: "That's it?? Thought you would like the pictures more than that??"

her: "Come pick me up or something"
me: "Why, don't you have car?"
her: "Yeah but I want you to be stuck with me. Why haven't we ever spent a whole day together???"

me: "Hey how's your day today?
her: "Okay. Text me back since you never do"

DCUM, I am really trying to forge a relationship with a person I don't know who is biologically my sister. I want to pursue this with her, but I find her behavior confusing and frustrating. Am I a bad person? Please tell me how to not be annoyed by this constant focus on "the relationship" and temperature taking.

I thought you said you live in different cities?

[Anonymous]

Sorry Op.

I couldn't deal with that much drama. I hate drama, and I try to avoid it at all cost.

I have some very dramatic family members. I mostly ignore the crazy stuff and speak to them once in a blue moon when I am in a really good mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi guys, it's me, OP again. I'm checking in this thread again to vent. Here are some examples of her behavior since my last posting:

me: I call her, she doesn't respond for 3 days (which I am totally fine with btw)
her text: "Mad I missed your call since you never call me". (Keep in mind she still has never called back, just texts.)

her: Texts me a bunch of selfies of her in a row
me: "Cute"
her: "That's it?? Thought you would like the pictures more than that??"

her: "Come pick me up or something"
me: "Why, don't you have car?"
her: "Yeah but I want you to be stuck with me. Why haven't we ever spent a whole day together???"

me: "Hey how's your day today?
her: "Okay. Text me back since you never do"

DCUM, I am really trying to forge a relationship with a person I don't know who is biologically my sister. I want to pursue this with her, but I find her behavior confusing and frustrating. Am I a bad person? Please tell me how to not be annoyed by this constant focus on "the relationship" and temperature taking.

I thought you said you live in different cities?

We do, but I frequently go to her city to see my Dad. Not super far away, just have never been to her home nor her to mine.

[Anonymous]

So does she have a child or is she single with no kids?