Teenage Brother Yet to Call or Acknowledge My 4 mo Baby's Birth

[Anonymous]

I thank God I'm not you or related to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound incredibly obnoxious. I'm not surprised by your brothers actions; not in the slightest. No one cares as much about your newborn as you do. We didn't need that novel explaining your background and current situation and bla bla bla. No one cares. Get over yourself.

And yet, here you are.

And yet, all of the posters agree, OP sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's 17. You need to be the adult.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yea, a 17 y/o boy DGAF about your baby. Shit, my 28 year old brother barely recognizes he has a nephew, who is 2.5 now. He likes him well enough, but if we aren't actively visiting with him, it's not really on his radar.

[Anonymous]

Sadly, I behaved the same way when my sister had her first. I was 17, she was 27 and I thought she hung the moon. I couldnt be happy for her as I knew things would never be the same. I felt like I was mourning the loss of our relationship. Yes, it was childish.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that you need to work on getting to know the person your brother is now, rather than focusing on the child that he was or the person that you want him to be. You need to evolve the relationship into one between adult siblings who have their own lives.

If you want him to show any interest in or respect for your life, your baby, etc., you need to reciprocate. Your entire post is basically dismissive of all the things that you know your brother to be. You essentially want him to do what you did - work really hard to get out of your hometown, travel a lot, etc. Those are YOUR accomplishments. He is a different person. I can personally understand the appeal of getting out of your hometown having done that myself, but that's not appealing to everyone. My own brother is rather a homebody and was never interested in travel, "careers" or higher education. He is 4 years younger than me, and rather than tell him that he really should have finished his degree or suggesting that he would be better off if he tried to get a better job in a different city, I really respect the life that he has built for himself and the competencies that he's built in his chosen field. I would suggest that you consider that your brother, like mine, could probably teach you a lot about things you don't know. For example, you could learn gardening with him. Do you have a yard? Maybe you could invite him down to help you plan landscaping.

Also, what is your issue with his boyfriend? Do you even know the boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, a 17 y/o boy DGAF about your baby. Shit, my 28 year old brother barely recognizes he has a nephew, who is 2.5 now. He likes him well enough, but if we aren't actively visiting with him, it's not really on his radar.

+1.

[Anonymous]

My 22 year old sister still has not called to congratulate me on my 8 month old baby. I got a text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Short answer. Get over yourself.

Long answer do you really think a 17-year-old boy is going to call you and chat for hours about a baby? Really?

Do you really think someone you constantly criticize is going to want to talk to you about anything?

This. Your opening post just drips with disdain for your brother. If he's a guy who loves the country, the outdoors, working with his hands, that is kind of a calling. You won't change that. Plus, he can make a really good life for himself. Wake up, before you screw up this relationship beyond repair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Tough to read, but I know that you're all pretty much right. I've definitely pushed him away by trying to control him. It's not so much that I care that he has no interest in college, it's that I feel like he's never been told that he's smart enough and capable enough for it. Or consistently challenged in any way. Pretty much every adult in his life (myself included) have failed him in that regard. I've got a lot of guilt about leaving home (and him) after high school and not seeing him frequently enough in the years since, and so I think I try to compensate for it by squeezing in every bit of unsolicited advice that I can when I do talk to/see him. Clearly that's not helping anyone.

I'll talk to him. I know it's unfortunately going to be at least a few years before we feel more like siblings rather than the adult/child relationship that it is now.

It's good you can see it, OP.

If you've never been to therapy, now's the time. You've got a lot to unpack here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Tough to read, but I know that you're all pretty much right. I've definitely pushed him away by trying to control him. It's not so much that I care that he has no interest in college, it's that I feel like he's never been told that he's smart enough and capable enough for it. Or consistently challenged in any way. Pretty much every adult in his life (myself included) have failed him in that regard. I've got a lot of guilt about leaving home (and him) after high school and not seeing him frequently enough in the years since, and so I think I try to compensate for it by squeezing in every bit of unsolicited advice that I can when I do talk to/see him. Clearly that's not helping anyone.

I'll talk to him. I know it's unfortunately going to be at least a few years before we feel more like siblings rather than the adult/child relationship that it is now.

It's good you can see it, OP.

If you've never been to therapy, now's the time. You've got a lot to unpack here.

OP, maybe try saying some of this to him. That you feel guilty you left him, that you are trying to squeeze all of this parenting into your time with him, that you are sorry you are doing that. That you want to shift to enjoying him and supporting him, as a sister, not a mother. See what he says.

But yes, you can't expect much hooplah from a teenage boy about a baby. Send him funny pictures from time to time (those accidental baby middle flicking someone off pics are meant for teens) and find positive things to discuss with him. Try to support who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is 36 and barely acknowledges his niece and nephew. It sucks but I've given up on trying to get him to care and I no longer allow his indifference to bother me. In your case, your brother is only 17 so he could just be really immature and consumed with his own life right now. Or maybe he's not into babies but will be more interested when your child is walking and talking. Give him some space and time to see how it plays out.

17 year olds are ALL really immature and consumed with their own lives. 17 year old boys are not into babies. Accept he is 17.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read this whole thread but:

Men are less emotionally expressive than women.
17 year olds are immature.

Put the two together and this doesn't really surprised me at all.

Try not to take it personally OP.

[Anonymous]

Op, you're not an awful person like so many are saying.

Yes, you're controlling/overbearing, but you love your brother. And yes, he's being a jerk, but he's working with an underdeveloped teenage brain.

Push the hurt aside and be the adult. Reach out. Try to pull back on attempting to guide his life and be a friend to him. Good luck. It'll all work out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's 17. You need to be the adult.

This.

This. 17 year old boys don't understand the magnitude of going through pregnancy and newborn care and being a mom.