Teenage Brother Yet to Call or Acknowledge My 4 mo Baby's Birth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Short answer. Get over yourself.

Long answer do you really think a 17-year-old boy is going to call you and chat for hours about a baby? Really?

Do you really think someone you constantly criticize is going to want to talk to you about anything?

Short and sweet. Couldn't have said it better. You sound so disapproving and judgmental, I wouldn't want to call you no matter what my relation was.

[Anonymous]

- you didn't raise or parent your brother, you provided babysitting while you mother worked

- 17 yr old boys are not calling family members to congratulate them on their new baby. Neither are 17 yr old girls. It's a very unrealistic expectation.

- you are probably right and your brother should likely aim higher but you have provided input on this to him many times so no need to beat a dead horse. Drop the subject so that if he changes his mind in the future he might come to your for help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Short answer. Get over yourself.

Long answer do you really think a 17-year-old boy is going to call you and chat for hours about a baby? Really?

Do you really think someone you constantly criticize is going to want to talk to you about anything?

+1 OP, I don't blame him. There's nothing wrong with not going to college. Vocational education is an excellent alternative for some (the Germans figured this out a long time ago. Welders, electricians, etc. are in demand and can close to six figures. Landscaping? He can run his own firm.

SAT's? Yes, I'd rather he take them (or ACT's which he might score higher on percentile wise) but they are less important and often not required (and becoming less so).

Lastly, many 17 year olds are gawky and simply lack the social graces of us. (How many teens to you know who are good about thank you notes?)

Sounds like he is owning his own life (which I wish my teen would do more).

[Anonymous]

Wow. Yes. You are expecting waaaay to much. You need to call him. Or visit him. Nobody, I mean nobody, cares about your baby like you do. As we get older we can appropriately congratulate new parents and coo over their, but still, nobody cares. Just a baby, one of millions born last week.

And stop judging the poor kid. He has a plan, which is more than I did when I was 17.

[Anonymous]

Poor kid. He has two mothers and no father. OP: is your mother a nagger too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He assumes that you know he knows you had a baby. He did write "aw," which for a teen is acknowledging. You are a new mom and have expectations that everybody will fawn over you and your baby now. But, most people don't care, don't care at all. Maybe if you became a sister instead of Judge Judy to him, he might contact your more. Also, is there something wrong with you calling him? It is not that most 17 year olds don't care, it is that they don't know what is socially accepted behavior norm, and that is something they need to be thought.

I'm well aware that most people care as little about my baby as I care about theirs. But he is my brother - not most people. The only thing wrong with calling him is that he never picks up or returns a call. He's notorious for it, and not just with me.

Then text him. That way, he gets your message but can control when and how he responds.

[Anonymous]

Teenagers are selfish and thoughtless. It will pass.

[Anonymous]

OP, get real. You're expecting a 17-year-old guy to act like a woman. He's at the age where guys often act obnoxious and uncaring towards family because they're in an important phase of separating from family control and becoming their own man, emotionally. Soon he'll mature past this, but he may never be a keep-in-touch kind of guy. Your criticizing and attempting to control him is something you need to dial back. He resists you as much as he does because he feels safe doing so, since you obviously care about him.

I would invite him and his boyfriend down to stay with you for a few days. You show more by quiet example than you do by nagging. It will widen his view of the world, and be good for your relationship. And he'll get to meet his nephew. Just be cool about it all--no nagging, no criticism.

I think I understand what his world is. I have a lot of family in small-town Massachusetts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 17 yo brother. He lives with the rest of my family in Massachusetts (where I grew up). I had a baby about four months ago. My mom and sister (9 yo) drove down for the birth, but my brother needed to go to class - I was of course supportive of that. However, he never called. Never texted. Never messaged. Nothing. I texted him a picture of my son a couple of weeks after he was born, hoping to goad him into a conversation, and he replied with an "aw". THAT'S IT.

Some background - our father (long out of picture) was (is? who knows) a drug addict, is abusive, and because he was never around or lucid I essentially raised my brother for a good chunk of his youth while my mother worked multiple jobs. I eventually put myself through college, traveled pretty extensively, and now in my late twenties have a great career, loving partner, and new baby. One of my biggest motivators getting to where I am today was the hope that I could open up some doors for my siblings and make it easier for them than it was for me. But - my brother rejects the idea of college, insisted on going to a technical high school for a landscaping program, and doesn't feel the need to take the SATs or challenge himself academically in any way. He considers himself a "country boy" (even though he lives in Massachusetts ). I'll admit that all of these things have led to a strained relationship for the past few years. Whenever I see him or talk to him, I try to encourage him to focus more on school and dream bigger (i.e. get the hell out of our hometown), mainly because I know that no one else does that for him; no matter how subtle I am, though, he takes it as a lecture and shuts down. So we don't talk as much anymore. In fact, ever since he came out (which I was thrilled about) and has been with his current boyfriend (who I am not thrilled about), he has been pretty much ignoring everyone.

I get that a lot of this is him being an angsty teenager. I really do. But my son? His first nephew? I mean, the fact that my brother can't pick up the phone to so much as acknowledge my son's existence REALLY F*CKING HURTS. So does the fact that my mother brushes it off and gives him a pass, claiming that she thinks he's too embarrassed now by the time that has passed to talk to me.

Am I being petty by not taking the high road and breaking the ice on this conversation with my brother? I'm just still so angry with him right now that I can't imagine the conversation going well.

You are bat shit crazy, OP. Must be some post partum shit going on. I hope. For your baby's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor kid. He has two mothers and no father. OP: is your mother a nagger too?

Don't be a racist PP.

[Anonymous]

You sound incredibly obnoxious. I'm not surprised by your brothers actions; not in the slightest. No one cares as much about your newborn as you do. We didn't need that novel explaining your background and current situation and bla bla bla. No one cares. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a judgemental, self-absorbed bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound incredibly obnoxious. I'm not surprised by your brothers actions; not in the slightest. No one cares as much about your newborn as you do. We didn't need that novel explaining your background and current situation and bla bla bla. No one cares. Get over yourself.

And yet, here you are.

[Anonymous]

OP here, one last time.

I'm more than willing to admit that it's on me to fix what's broken in my relationship with my brother, and that I've been way too critical of him in the past as a failed attempt to help him. I get that he's 17, and could give a shit about his nephew right now. Fine. Hopefully that will change with time.

But isn't this the beauty/horror of anonymous forums? Getting to post your inner thoughts that you wouldn't share out loud? Calm down, wolves. I'm sure you've got plenty of problems of your own.

Thanks to those with constructive replies. I texted him, and hopefully we can hang out when I'm in town in a couple of weeks. Sans lectures.

[Anonymous]

he is 17.

You need to get over it.