do you look down on homeschooling moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. But I do wonder about their kids social skills.

I'm not sure I understand how sitting in a classroom with 30 kids of the same age does a better job of preparing children for the real world and social skills than that of homeschoolers who have much more free time to go out and participate in the real world by going to parks, libraries, museums, farms, rec centers, etc. and interacting with people of all ages.

Very few homeschoolers actually go out and do the things you're talking about.

Also, children interact with each other in very different ways than adults interact with children. Children will often not tolerate negative behavior in their peers (meanness, self centeredness, cheating, etc) while adults will often overlook that kind of behavior or turn a blind eye. To put it in a slightly negative light, kids can be brutal in (often necessary) ways with each other that adults can't bring themselves to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. But I do wonder about their kids social skills.

I'm not sure I understand how sitting in a classroom with 30 kids of the same age does a better job of preparing children for the real world and social skills than that of homeschoolers who have much more free time to go out and participate in the real world by going to parks, libraries, museums, farms, rec centers, etc. and interacting with people of all ages.

NP. For one thing, the "people of all ages" with whom they are interacting have no obligation to participate in their education or character development. So sure, a HS kid can go to a museum and learn from a docent or guide, who can impart information. But HS kids miss out on (and I say it that way because I think they are missing out) on interacting, on a regular and routine basis, with adults (other than their parents or family) who are invested in their learning and development, who can try different approaches with them, who can tell them to stop misbehaving, can impose consequences, can expand their horizons, show them a different world view, etc. HS seems very transactional to me, rather than interactive and with long term relationships.

[Anonymous]

Like anything it varies. I know some military moms who do it because of the challenges of repeated moving, sometimes during the school year. My cousin did it with her son for a year because he was having trouble in the local school, but her dh is a retired college professor and up to the challenge. I used to teach SAT prep, and one of the best, most polite and socially adroit students was homeschooled. And another time I worked with someone who was homeschooled by religious parents, and she was a mess. Her company-wide emails were full of mistakes, and she treated the workplace like the high school she never went to.

I don't judge off homeschooling alone, because I don't know if it's being done well or poorly.

[Anonymous]

I only judge if they are homeschooling for religious reasons, rather than for child specific reasons.

I've known some nice religious parents who have home schooled, but they did not expect or want the kids to go to college and are setting them up for trades instead. So far, that seems to be working out, partially because they really work with their kids. Time will tell if the kids feel cheated and given few choices later in life.

[Anonymous]

I can imagine doing it during elementary school, where you can read/write about anything and get away with calling it school. It would be neat to tailor things to the kids' interests--read dinosaur books when they're on a dinosaur kick, etc. I don't understand how it's valid at a high school level though. 99% of my students' parents can't help them with their math homework, so the math education must come from online or a textbook. How watching online videos about math is better than sitting in a math class, I don't know.

I would not feel comfortable teaching high school biology/economics/french/etc, so I don't know how the average parent would either.

[Anonymous]

I don't look down on them, I just think we are different. I think HS itself is not negative or positive, it's all about the way the parents go about it.

I have a friend who homeschools her two boys up in Canada. The oldest has cystic fibrosis, and I think when he was diagnosed, she went through a paradigm shift in a sense when she was looking for answers everywhere. The boys are now 12 and 10. The oldest is somewhat of an academic whiz, takes college-level chemistry classes online, writes books, plays an instrument, an all-around very academically advanced kid. But I think that's just his nature. The younger boy is just now developing a love of reading, but he is more of a rough-and-tumble, outdoorsy kind, very different from his introvert brother.

For what it's worth, I think HS can be very effective in the younger years. Let's face it, it would take YOU way less time to teach your child to read than it would take a teacher in a classroom of 30 young kids. Think of how much time it would save where you can go outside, see a play, take music classes, and do something developmentally interesting. K level instruction just moves at a very slow pace, and individual teaching would be done with a day's worth of public school lessons in an hour. Then you still have all day to do things. Of course, this changes as the kid gets older and subjects get more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Depends on their reasons and how they go about it. As a general rule I try not to judge groups of people without knowing the individual situation.

Example 1: Mom withdrew her kid from school in 2nd grade because the teachers "just didn't get him" and were disciplining him too frequently. She tried 3 different schools (public, private religious, and a private independent school) in 1.5 years, and found that all of them were just "too harsh" for her "sensitive kid who just had trouble sitting still and following directions". Ended up pulling him out for homeschooling so that she could encourage his "free spirit". (Yes, all quotes are things that she said directly to me, verbatim). She had no training whatsoever. I judged her and felt bad for the kid. Still do - he's now 4th grade, way behind in reading and math (which she uses as an additional excuse to keep him out of school, he'd be "overwhelmed" by the "high pressure" in their local elementary school), and has no clue how to function in a group.

Example #2: military wife, family moved every 1.5-2 years when the kids were in elementary/middle school. The mom was a 5th grade teacher for several years before the frequent moving made that impractical. Made the decision to homeschool so that the kids could have more stability than changing school districts every year or two, frequently mid-year. They'd had a couple of bad experiences with different curriculums that forced the kids to repeat some subject areas while skipping others, just because State A taught xyz in the fall and State B taught it in the spring. They felt they'd be better off taking control of the curriculum pacing themselves, while using local activities for social engagement. I got to know the kids as teenagers and they came across as bright, well adjusted and well rounded. No judgement there.

Most homeschooling families I've met fall somewhere in between those two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not usually but I might eyeroll if they are HYPER religious. I know many homeschooled children who went to college and some even their doctorate.

+1. And although I think the idea of homeschooling is nice in theory, makes a lot of sense for some kids, and can result in a good education, I am initially a bit judgmental/wary that a homeschooling family is highly likely to be a particular sort of extremely religious that I personally find very obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

OP here: my issue is NOT with homeschooling per se. We know several families who do it, including family members. Of those that we know, only one does it in such a way that as a non-HSing family, I'm jealous. The mother treats it as a job and a responsibility, as do her boys. They all take it seriously. Trips out are not loosely planned; there is no "unschooling" or following whatever a child is interested in and seeing where it takes you type of thing (oh you like Lego sets, read about Lego sets, write about Lego sets...oh now you like pancakes, want to learn about how to make a pancake?. The other families we know either unschool (more what I've underlined) OR they buy a curriculum for a subject and follow that loosely (as in, school is out after 8 months, each week is 4 "days" long of 2 hours of "work" each day only) perhaps with some cooping sprinkled in. To the HS mom who is talking about how your kids are interacting in the real world with people, I mean...come on...really? First, to the extent that is true, the non-HSed kids get that identical interaction after school, before school, on weekends, during the summer, etc. It isn't as if they are raised in the bubble of elementary school and never interact with a soul other than inside their homes otherwise! Second, when my kids are at a museum, they are generally interacting with me unless it is not self guided. So unless you're usually having non-self guided museum trips, your kids are just being themselves in a museum, just like all kids would be. (They are NOT socializing with the docent.)

I have seen some social issues with home schooled kids, some glaring, most not, other than a lot of clinginess. Teenage boys holding their moms hands when they walk with their heads on their moms shoulders, type of thing. Sure, a typical teen boy may do that on occasion...but the majority of the time walking or frequently when walking in public...nope. So when someone asked why I asked the question, I guess it was because I don't want to say that I personally think bad of a homeschooler immediately because, as I said in the beginning, I think some families do an amazing, committed job.

[Anonymous]

I am neither pro nor con homeschooling. I have seen it work and I have seen it fail. I am concerned, though, that there is no safety net for homeschooled children as related to possible physical, sexual or emotional child abuse in the home. If a child attends a school then there is at least one person, a teacher, who would be able to report possible abuse if signs were observed.

[Anonymous]

I only know two families who homeschool and the parents are very smart and they are doing it in a secular fashion. One of the families is also State Dep't. So the peripatetic nature of that job has made home schooling better suited for them. No word yet on how the kids will fare in the long run. In both families, the oldest kids are hs level.

Oh wait, I forgot one other family I know. They ARE doing it in a conservative Catholic environment. Until about sixth grade and then the boys have gone to The Heights. The two oldest are now at VT and JMU, so I suppose they cannot be absolute slouches.

[Anonymous]

I do not think the kids are receiving an inferior education. At least not for those I've met. But I can assure you that every homeschool parent I know except one is not easy to gey along with, uptight in a way that if they disapprove of something in the least little bit, they are quick to cut you off take their toys and go home. As a general rule, they raise their kids with the same inflexibility and relative isolation. Luckily, there are homeschool groups, but having looked into one, I can say it was pretty much the same-- yes kids spent time together, but not really bonding or socializing in the same way as school students. But isn't that what their parents (mostly mothers) are trying to prevent? It was like the sandbox situation, where kids play in proximity of each other but not interacting meaningfully. In that way, mom can say the kid sees other kids and has friends, but they seemed wanting for more kid to kid interaction from what I could tell. So the kids were not the issue, but the critical and disapproving nature of the parents was. In fact, the head of the homeschool group was the worst of them all, unwilling to even entertain questions that she took as challenging her choices/decisions. We are in howard county maryland and hope the other experiences around the area are better than ours was. Luckily, we wised up quickly.

[Anonymous]

^ Resilience is needed to be nutured in kids , and these kinds of parents , as a general observation, are doing only so-so in instilling flexibility even if they do achieve some resiliency. What do you think op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I spent my grad school years and early 20s as an ACT/SAT prep coach. Over those 7 years I worked with maybe 20/25 homeschoolers…so not a huge sample but also more than what most people work with. Two of those kids were on track with an average high school jr/senior. One was a genius and way above the average peer and one was very smart but not quite genius. The rest were vastly behind their peers. We couldn't even get 8-10 of them to pass a GED test. I mean the gap was HUGE. Even compared to my under preforming kids from school systems that graduate 40 percent they were significantly behind. So I do judge a little bit because Ive rarely seen it work out. And thats not even touching the social implications.

Wow, now that's telling, interesting data.

[Anonymous]

I know a mom that homeschools her kids until middle school and then makes the school place them a grade higher than their age, then whines incessantly when her "babies" leave for whatever homely religious college at "only" 17. It's a fun show.