Curfew for my 20 y/o living at home?

[Anonymous]

OP, if you want to keep up the trolling, you can, but please know that we've gone to Jeff about you and have been told the following:

I don't know if "troll" is the correct word, but this poster appears to be somewhat off. Here is a post from a month ago from the same poster. It has both consistencies and inconsistencies:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/625383.page

If you want to see the thread in Website Feedback for yourself, here:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/633947.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: What kind of a loser doesn't go to college?

What kind of loser makes a comment like this? I could name many very successful people who didn't go to college, but somehow I'm guessing you aren't bright enough to understand that education does not equal intelligence. And, as is obvious by your comment, no amount of education makes up for a lack of class.

And yes. I did go to college.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm 23 and in school still (med student) when I go home for breaks to my parents' house I don't have a "curfew" but I respect them enough to let them know where I'm going and when I'll be back. Its not that serious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. But she still lives at home so I make the rules.

Then why are you asking? The consensus is that this is unreasonable. My 18 year old has no curfew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These days everyone goes to college. It's not 1960 anymore.

A very large portion of the population doesn't go to college. Not everyone lives in your neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is 8:00 reasonable? She thinks it isn't but I tell her it's for her safety as it gets dangerous when it's dark. She disagrees.

No, it is not reasonable. Eight o'clock is not reasonable. Having a curfew at all is not reasonable. Hey, saying, "I'd like you here by X o'clock on X day so we could watch X program together" would be fine, if you had a relationship or wanted to build a relationship that gave you two something to share like that. Or, "Could we have Sunday dinners together? What time works for you? I usually eat at 7pm. Maybe we could cook together and chat? It would mean a lot to me." Yes, that's fine, too.

But, the whole domination thing of "she lives in my house" isn't fair or reasonable.

I agree with every other poster who suggested therapy for you. This curfew issue is a manifestation of your own anxieties. Deal with the issue and free yourself. Medication can help, and I don't mean that in a snarky way whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

I lived at home when I was 20 as I was paying for school and couldn't afford to move out. My parents expectations were that I respected them and their home. So they did not want to be woken up after going to bed for the night. For them this was 11:30. So I was either home by then or stayed at a friends. I was expected to treat their home with respect, keep it clean, and look after my own affairs. I didn't pay tem rent but in return they expected me to be very appreciative of being an adult without housing expenses thanks to their generosity. They treated me like an adult. Where I went, what I did, who I was with was my business, not theirs. But if I said I would be home for dinner and they cooked for me then I better respect that or let them know well ahead that my plans had changed. I would always ask them before bringing anyone over. Most of the time they preferred I didn't as they were introverts and didn't really like others in their home. I respected that and do my visiting elsewhere. So I absolutely treated it as their home and they treated me as an adult living in their home.

I didn't have a curfew except my dad left for work early in the morning and he wanted his car home before he wet to bed for the night so if I borrowed it then te car had to be home for 11:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am never out past dark unless I'm returning from work. It's not safe. I don't know why she should be out all night. Also, she looks like she's 14, so if some predator mistakes her for 14 they will just take advantage of her. I try explaining this but she thinks she's invisible.

da'f did I just read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These days everyone goes to college. It's not 1960 anymore.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These days everyone goes to college. It's not 1960 anymore.

This

Idiots.

[Anonymous]

This time of year, it's not dark at 8pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These days everyone goes to college. It's not 1960 anymore.

This

Idiots.

+1
There are more people without degrees than with degrees. Not everyone grows up in an affluent and well educated family. Just ask the cashier at the supermarket the next time you checkout.

[Anonymous]

OPwhy have you not prepared your child to be a functioning adult? Clearly you babied her to the point of codependency and she doesn't even want to leave the house to go to college and is still childish enough to obey your ridiculous curfew. You clearly have problems since you don't stay out past dark. I think what you did to your child is criminal.

[Anonymous]

You should ask if you and her can trade places, she can be the grownup who makes decisions and you can be the child with an 8pm curfew. I think your family would function much better.

[Anonymous]

When I was that age and still living at home (while in college), things transitioned from "asking permission" to "informing." Out of courtesy, I told my parents generally where I was going and when I expected to be back, but they did not exercise veto power over my plans and certainly did not impose a curfew.

You are training your daughter to be a nervous wreck. I know a woman like this in her 40s who is barely functional and whose life is very limited because of it. She misses out on all kinds of things and it's very sad to watch how dependent she still is on her parents' rules and approval. She's so suffocated that she can't even see it any more. You are doing your daughter a terrible disservice by transmitting your unreasonable anxieties onto her.