Getting Married in 2 months....but I love someone else I can't have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: you are a moronic idiot. Get married. Forget about the other woman.

I was once like you. Married one while in love with another. LOL (love of my life), college sweetheart, was also married. Resented DW for the first several years of the marriage. Then had a long marriage and a divorce. 25 years after I was married I got back together with the LOL, but she turned out to not be that great after all. She had problems. LOL has a few divorces and lots of lovers, and she's unhappy. We didn't last long together.

I was wrong to have loved her before and to have thought about her so much.

OP: you are a man. Turn on the rational part of your brain and start acting like a man.

+1

Most of the advice you're getting on this thread is bad. It's a bunch of women projecting how badly they'd feel if they heard their husband express the same thoughts. However, at the end of the day, is dumb to throw away a solid relationship for a fantasy of a woman.

And this woman is NOT nice. She knows you're smitten, and she uses you for an ego boost. Women who are supposedly that great and could have anyone, yet are chronically single are usually head cases, IME.

Forget about her and concentrate on the wonderful woman you do have. You should figure out why you want a woman you can't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: you are a moronic idiot. Get married. Forget about the other woman.

I was once like you. Married one while in love with another. LOL (love of my life), college sweetheart, was also married. Resented DW for the first several years of the marriage. Then had a long marriage and a divorce. 25 years after I was married I got back together with the LOL, but she turned out to not be that great after all. She had problems. LOL has a few divorces and lots of lovers, and she's unhappy. We didn't last long together.

I was wrong to have loved her before and to have thought about her so much.

OP: you are a man. Turn on the rational part of your brain and start acting like a man.

+1

Most of the advice you're getting on this thread is bad. It's a bunch of women projecting how badly they'd feel if they heard their husband express the same thoughts. However, at the end of the day, is dumb to throw away a solid relationship for a fantasy of a woman.

And this woman is NOT nice. She knows you're smitten, and she uses you for an ego boost. Women who are supposedly that great and could have anyone, yet are chronically single are usually head cases, IME.

Forget about her and concentrate on the wonderful woman you do have. You should figure out why you want a woman you can't have.

This!!!

[Anonymous]

You are being very cruel to your fiancé. You aren't doing her any favors by proceeding with this marriage. You are a disgusting coward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give up a real relationship and marriage over a fantasy.

This. I'm shocked at all the people telling you to leave someone you love for someone that doesn't want to be with you. How absurd.

Be grateful for what you have, OP.

This people are saying so for the sake of the fiancé, not the op. Fiancé needs to know and move on from this loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give up a real relationship and marriage over a fantasy.

This. I'm shocked at all the people telling you to leave someone you love for someone that doesn't want to be with you. How absurd.

Be grateful for what you have, OP.

This people are saying so for the sake of the fiancé, not the op. Fiancé needs to know and move on from this loser.

Exactly! Most of the PPs are saying leave the FI, not to go pursue the FANTASY, but because he doesn't love FI enough. It's unfair to FI and has a high risk of ending up in divorce anyway. And many PPs are also saying that FANTASY is a bad person for using him as an ego boost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give up a real relationship and marriage over a fantasy.

This. I'm shocked at all the people telling you to leave someone you love for someone that doesn't want to be with you. How absurd.

Be grateful for what you have, OP.

This people are saying so for the sake of the fiancé, not the op. Fiancé needs to know and move on from this loser.

Exactly! Most of the PPs are saying leave the FI, not to go pursue the FANTASY, but because he doesn't love FI enough. It's unfair to FI and has a high risk of ending up in divorce anyway. And many PPs are also saying that FANTASY is a bad person for using him as an ego boost.

This is a doomed marriage and this guy is not going to call off the wedding. If he doesn't have the balls to fess up about what he has been doing he doesn't have the balls to call this off. He will continue to be in contact with this chick through out his marriage and eventually the wife will find out. She will get his phone intercept an email. Worst thing is most places are not nearly as big as they like to believe and people form clicks at work. Had a friend who found out about her husband while eating at Whole Foods. Woman in next booth was talking about the scandal going on at her husbands job. Was giving names and places so she was able to easily figure it out. The woman had no idea but she basically broke down the entire thing to her while gossiping. Friend of course confronted him , he said he would stop , he didn't , they got a divorce, huge mess, children impacted. Guess who he moved in with when his wife threw him out? Yeah, her. That was 7 yrs ago, my friend is still struggling with this nonsense and he is still with this woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 2 months I will be walking down the isle with a lovely woman. I feel like I love her and I feel like she loves me. We have had a long distance relationship but have worked really hard to get to know each other and spend time with each other. We both have children from other marriages. I work with a woman that is my absolute best friend, at least that is what I have to tell/portray to every one else. The reality is I love this woman deeply and I have a really hard time just staying away from her. She moved to another place for work so I see her occasionally and we text and phone each other at least once a day. It has been over a year and a day rarely goes by when I have no contact with her. She is successful in her career, independent, beautiful beyond the telling, a little older than me and pretty well to do. She is single. I know she is not that woman for me but I can't shake her, I can't not be in some type of contact with her. We talk and talk and talk and she understands me, supports me and stands by me through thick and thin. I have to let her go and I don't know how. I can't start my new marriage like this. How do I do this? Am I wrong for marrying someone else when I have this level of feeling for another woman even though I know I can never be with her and the best I will ever have is the friendship I have now.

I think you know the answer.

You cannot get married under these circumstances.

The wedding is planned people are flying in. It would crush my fiancé to cancel now. The, I don't know what to call her, one I love doesn't want to marry, can't have children and these are things I want in life. I know they say you can't help who you love but this is so the opposite of the things I do want in my life. If I call off the wedding then what? I like the concept of marriage but she won't marry anyone, believes the idea that someone who gets up everyday and stays with you by choice is better than the legal obligation of marriage. I give up my hopes and dreams to be with this woman I have no guarantee wants to be with me. Nothing has happened between us, we just spend a lot of time together and am in constant communication.

Would it be better to "crush her" as your WIFE? And, to live a lie that will directly effect everyone's happiness? A co-worker just went through this, although under different circumstances, but with STRONG misgivings. In less than 1 month, the marriage has been anulled! Beware, and proceed with caution, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either cut this woman off, or call off the wedding. You are emotionally intimate with her, and it's preventing you from being fully present to your fiancé. Single woman is getting what she wants - a piece of you without the obligations of s real relationship. You're stuck in a fantasy with her. You can't have both, op. You have to makes decision.

I personally hate the women who do this kind of thing - sucking the life out of some guy just for her own selfish kicks.

Men pull this crap too, and are serious jerks as well.

[Anonymous]

OP- you need to get your head out of your a$$. You have serious issues with committment. Delay the wedding, go to therapy and work your issues out. You don't deserve to be in any type of relationship right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either cut this woman off, or call off the wedding. You are emotionally intimate with her, and it's preventing you from being fully present to your fiancé. Single woman is getting what she wants - a piece of you without the obligations of s real relationship. You're stuck in a fantasy with her. You can't have both, op. You have to makes decision.

I personally hate the women who do this kind of thing - sucking the life out of some guy just for her own selfish kicks.

Men pull this crap too, and are serious jerks as well.

Agree with PPs. What the heck is this single woman doing? I have a very negative opinion of her just from reading OP's post. Can't believe how selfish and manipulative she sounds. Awful. She is not at all innocent here.

Worst thing in the world if OP ruins everybody's lives over her.

[Anonymous]

Stop wasting tha other woman's time.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to get yourself together before you marry anyone at all. Call it off. You are doing both your fiance and yourself a favor and stay away from the fantasy woman who is just toying with you. Go to therapy and figure yourself out first.

[Anonymous]

Talk to a good therapist before you throw away a real relationship for a fantasy. A single woman with no kids, a great job, and no desire for marriage represents freedom to you. No responsibility. None of the day-to-day reality that comes with taking care of a wife, kids, a job, and a home. You are looking for something easy and uncomplicated. I'm probably older than you (I'm 50 with adult kids and grandkids). I've learned that these "uncomplicated" woman usually bring more drama than you can possible imagine.

She is already doing it. And she knows it.

[Anonymous]

Why are yall blaming a SINGLE woman who has not come on to OP? He is solely responsible for his behavior. He's well aware of what he's doing.

Is it me, or does this sound eerily similar to the other thread by a woman with a kid who is intimidated by her BF's "hot" best friend who is older and is in a long distance relationship? She found out that he was speaking to this other woman throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

OP, the other woman doesn't even matter at this point. But you are about to marry somebody you just feel like you love ("I feel like I love her") which sounds to me that you aren't actually positive about that. You are marrying her because your plans are set and it would be a pain in the ass to cancel (lame). You are marrying her because she's your "bird in hand" and you can't stand the idea of being alone. You are marrying her because it is "time" ....

No. It isn't. You shouldn't give your girlfriend up for somebody you aren't even positive loves you a little. You should cut it off with your fiancé because YOU don't love HER.