"Farming kids out"

[Anonymous]

OP here.

PP - Maybe that is my problem, not trusting just anyone. How do you know? Thanks so much for the positive feedback. The whole idea of "farming out" (friend's term, not mine) was foreign to me.

When we go away, it is as a family. Maybe my husband and I need mre alone time! Our whole world is our kids. No, really. More than most. I thought that is what everyone did, but am finding out more and more as my kids get older.

I know this sounds naive (or worse) to some people, but we just don't have the support system that some people do. Those that have a support system generally don't know any other way - good for them, I say. Especially those who have good parents of their own

But don't assume everyone has your kind of support system. I am really looking for direction here. Some people have been so helpful spelling it out, and I thank you so much. I am all for the babysitter idea! Our kids are in "school" some mornings, so I get grocery shopping or the occasional quick errand done, but by the time I start more than one thing it is time to turn around and pick them up.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. When you say "farming kids out," do you mean "getting a babysitter"? I'm a SAHM and I hardly consider the occasional evening babysitter, or occasional night away while the kids are at the grandparents' house, "farming them out."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

PP - Maybe that is my problem, not trusting just anyone. How do you know? Thanks so much for the positive feedback. The whole idea of "farming out" (friend's term, not mine) was foreign to me.

When we go away, it is as a family. Maybe my husband and I need mre alone time! Our whole world is our kids. No, really. More than most. I thought that is what everyone did, but am finding out more and more as my kids get older.

I know this sounds naive (or worse) to some people, but we just don't have the support system that some people do. Those that have a support system generally don't know any other way - good for them, I say. Especially those who have good parents of their own

But don't assume everyone has your kind of support system. I am really looking for direction here. Some people have been so helpful spelling it out, and I thank you so much. I am all for the babysitter idea! Our kids are in "school" some mornings, so I get grocery shopping or the occasional quick errand done, but by the time I start more than one thing it is time to turn around and pick them up.

you have A LOT of time to spend on this board. Maybe use some of that as "personal time" to attend to yourself, your marriage, etc.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, but your posts really don't make sense. You're not doing a good job of explaining what you're asking or what type of answers you're looking for. What do you even mean by farming kids out?

[Anonymous]

OP - we all do what's best for us and our families, depending on our situation. It shouldn't be based on what everyone else is doing. It sounds to me like you think you're missing out on something because you know other people who "farm their kids out", but you choose not to. If you and your husband are happy with your current "farmless" situation, than leave it at that. Who cares what everyone else does?

As for me, I counted down the days until my twins were weaned so I could more easily "farm them out" without worrying about nursing and/or pumping. I am a much happier and patient wife and mother if I get a little time away. If it's a date night with my husband, than even better!

[Anonymous]

OP here - when I say "farming out" I mean your kids going in different directions for a day or two or more - with relatives or other people. Essentially, that is what I am trying to find out. How do you get a break? It may have seemed a strong statement at the start, as I was given the impression that people with big families do this on a regular basis. Do they?

[Anonymous]

I think the OP may be from a culture in which the family does everything together as a unit. That's not completely uncommon. I think she genuinely wants to know what the benefits would be if she did what others in this culture tend to do (i.e. get babysitters, drop kids off at friends or relatives places to play, ...). She has unfortunately used a term that has rubbed people the wrong way.

OP - I've already replied to you, but just wanted to add that making the support system is a job in itself. It's not easy to do and takes time (finding people that you trust, establishing the relationship, etc.). If you're not used to leaving your children with someone, start with their friends' parents. Hire a college student and have them work as a mother's helper while you're still in the house. Get recommendations from people you know.

I too don't have family here and have felt it really necessary to build other strong support systems to make up for it. Family are not always the best for babysitting, anyway! But, you may not feel the need to have that time to yourself or to work on your relationship with your partner. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a SAHM and feel surrounded by people who want to put their kids last. Almost all have family in the area, or friends who have "transplanted" with them from other areas. Most seem willing to farm out their kids at any cost, even if it means (presumably) swallowing their pride or living WAY beyond their means. What am I doing wrong here? I thought I would enjoy DC while they are little?

OP, while you did a good job of explaining your need for free time and misuse of the word 'farming', you still did not explain why you started with such an incendiary sentence. You are not off the hook. I'd like to know what you think constitutes putting your kids last and why you feel this way about others. You cannot start with that sentence and expect it to go unnoticed.

[Anonymous]

"OP here - when I say "farming out" I mean your kids going in different directions for a day or two or more - with relatives or other people."

OP, this is not what you originally said. Your very first definition of "farming kids out" was this:

I guess (as an example for those determined not to understand) if you have to do errands or something, don't you just bring your kids with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. When you say "farming kids out," do you mean "getting a babysitter"? I'm a SAHM and I hardly consider the occasional evening babysitter, or occasional night away while the kids are at the grandparents' house, "farming them out."

I'm a SAHM, too. I agree with this PP. I don't agree with the OP -- not all SAHMs are like the OP.

[Anonymous]

OP you still sound a bit superior in your explanations. I suspect most people on this board center their lives around their kids and take family vacations, etc. In my view you are not unique in that regard at all. My kids are older and as I look back we've taken maybe 4 trips in 16 years that didn't include the kids. 2 were ski trips when DC1 was under 2 and each was about 4 days, two were attached to work trips for one of us and were also about 4 days. In fact the last one was at a time when both kids were away at camp. So you might consider that I was putting my kids last in order to take these trips, but I would strongly disagree, and they seem to have come through it unharmed. Most of the people I know, whether SAHM or WOHM, devote the vast majority of their time to their kids. Maybe you need a different circle of friends if their parenting styles are so different than yours.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a tad confused with your posts. Your first post started out by bashing parents who "farm out" their kids at all costs. Later on, you state how you are looking for direction since you don't have a support system who can watch your kids when you need them to and that you were "all for babysitting." This is drastically different from your first post. Please clarify your point because now it seems as if you are "pro farming" but don't really know how to go about it.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the whole thread, but I guess I am a parent who "farms out" my DC. She is spending 5 weeks with her grandparents this summer, and she usu. spends 2 weeks at winter break with them also. We all love it. What's your problem, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP is not very good at explaining herself. Let's leave her alone until she figures out what she is trying to say.

[Anonymous]

How has someone from this country, with "advanced degrees" never heard of babysitters? I am baffled by this thread.