"Farming kids out"

[Anonymous]

Everyone brings their kids with them on some errands but if there are other loving caregivers who can play with them, you must agree that (a) sometimes the kids would rather not be on the errand and (b) more can be done faster if you don't bring the kids with you.

As for parents going away without the kids - I get that! You need to keep your marriage strong. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you do not need alone time.

As for whether this means *you* are "supposed" to do these things, that's a silly question. If you're life isn't so busy that it is fine to bring the kids on every errand, and your marriage is strong and your mental health good without a getaway, and your children are mentally healthy being with you only, then do what works for you.

When we have kids we become parents, we don't cease to be individuals.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't think that you really ruffled feathers. I think that people think you are smug and judgmental. There are lots of good reasons not to take your kids on errands and they are not really very hard to figure out. Like you can get done faster so you have more time to do the fun things with your kids. Or you would like to do errands that will be a real pain in the neck with your kids - like clothing or shoe shopping, for an example of something that is a pain with my crew. Or because you need ten minutes to breathe and you might as well accomplish something while you are on your kid break so that you can have time together doing more enjoyable things when you are together with you kids.

As to sending them to visit friends and relatives, I think anyone who has friends and relatives that have the kind of relationship with your kids where you can send them for a period of time are lucky. I was always that person for my nieces and nephews and I have the most wonderful relationships with my siblings' kids. I wish that my kids had an aunt or uncle with whom they had the opportunity to develop this type of close and special relationship.

[Anonymous]

I smell the foreign born former nanny troll. Do not feed further. You can tell from the nonsense and turning it back around "something to feel guilty about?"

Foreign born former nanny troll, please let me donate to your psychiatric care! You need help and a hobby.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Born here. Definitely not a nanny. Thought about getting one. Wasn't sure why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Nope. Born here. Definitely not a nanny. Thought about getting one. Wasn't sure why.

Do you work outside the home? Are you unaware that many parents do? If you consider that "farming out," you are amusing.

[Anonymous]

To the OP, since you say you are serious when you ask these questions, then you must be stupid. The answers are obvious and simple.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the compliment! I would tell you my credentials, but that might give me away (if I know anyone on here). I have advanced degrees, so never thought of myself (nor have ever been called) stupid. But, by all means, thanks!

I guess the concept of "farming out" is foreign to me. We would certainly have a big family with the "farming out" option! I was under the impression that not only is no question stupid (nor am I); but also this would be the forum to ask parenting questions. Silly me.

Does anyone have any intelligent input or are my expectations just too high? You could keep insulting me, but that does not address a simple question. To me, the answers are not so obvious. Pardon me.

[Anonymous]

Your questions have been directly answered by several people who did not insult you and your response is confusing.

You're expectations may be too high but your communication skills are not.

[Anonymous]

I try to avoid taking my kids on errands for their sake, not for mine. I'd rather have them playing happily with another adult in charge than being hauled along while I shop for shoe laces.

[Anonymous]

OP - out of curiosity what does other people's practices when it comes to taking children on errands or a getaway have to do with your happiness in DC, as you put it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP again. Another example. I know a big family who gives each of their kids to another family (or sometimes all to one family) so the parents can go away together. Does this make sense to anyone? Again, genuinely interested here. Am I supposed to be doing this? It's really just a question. Seems like I may have ruffled some feathers. Is it something you should be feeling guilty about?

AS a SAHM myself, you really sound like a complete idiot. I hope I don't know you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP again. Another example. I know a big family who gives each of their kids to another family (or sometimes all to one family) so the parents can go away together. Does this make sense to anyone? Again, genuinely interested here. Am I supposed to be doing this? It's really just a question. Seems like I may have ruffled some feathers. Is it something you should be feeling guilty about?

We have 2 kids and they just spent a week at the beach in New England with my in-laws before my husband and I arrived. They all had a blast and made some wonderful memories. My parents are taking them for a week in late August and they and my little ones can't wait.

My husband and I are ecstatic that we have able and more importantly willing grandparents who love to spend time with their grandchildren.

Do I miss them? Sure. Do I feel guilty? Not for a minute. I would feel guilty if I denied my parents and my in-laws the opportunity to spend extended time with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks for the compliment! I would tell you my credentials, but that might give me away (if I know anyone on here). I have advanced degrees, so never thought of myself (nor have ever been called) stupid. But, by all means, thanks!

I guess the concept of "farming out" is foreign to me. We would certainly have a big family with the "farming out" option! I was under the impression that not only is no question stupid (nor am I); but also this would be the forum to ask parenting questions. Silly me.

Does anyone have any intelligent input or are my expectations just too high? You could keep insulting me, but that does not address a simple question. To me, the answers are not so obvious. Pardon me.

I think your expectations may be too high. Going to the store with one's kids can either be a pleasant experience or a hassle, depending on one's kids' age and temperaments. My kids are close in age, but still young enough to test my limits, so going to the store with my kids is impossible (or rather, I would end up walking out every single time, never having bought anything!) I envy those parents I see in the store whose kids sit nicely in their stroller or shopping cart or walk quietly with their parents!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Some honest responses who don't have to resort to name calling, thanks (seriously). I really appreciate the resourceful parents who have the capacity to explain things - you must be great (and patient) parents! What if we don't have family in the area?

[Anonymous]

We don't have family in the area, but have a fantastic nanny who has done some extra time for us to, for example, get personal shopping done or (on the rare occasion) get away for a night. I love the fact that the kids have another adult in their lives that they have a great relationship with. I also love the fact that I can get some personal time without worrying about whether the kids are happy or not. Now that the oldest is in preschool and making good friends, I am looking forward to letting her have playdates with them without me there. She is very keen to do it and I think it is really important for her to develop some independence and feel comfortable around other families and other adults. My parents had no friends and I was only ever surrounded by my sisters and parents. I personally don't think that is a good model to follow.

I hope this answers what you are after. But I have to slightly agree with some of the others that your posts are really unclear ... !