Statistic about 40 year old getting pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do not know anyone personally who has/had secondary infertility. Primary yes (lots) but secondary no. Everyone I know who struggled with primary infertility got pregnant quickly with a second (sometimes naturally, sometimes from frozen embryos from their younger years). I was denied from joining support groups because I'm secondary and not primary, makes this more of an isolating experience.

Who cares? It's not like others you know having secondary infertility would help you get pregnant. Seriously you need to stop being so dramatic and just have some procedures done if you want a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I actually do not know anyone personally who has/had secondary infertility. Primary yes (lots) but secondary no. Everyone I know who struggled with primary infertility got pregnant quickly with a second (sometimes naturally, sometimes from frozen embryos from their younger years). I was denied from joining support groups because I'm secondary and not primary, makes this more of an isolating experience.

My advice to you is to treat this like a medical problem. Because it is. You don't need a support group - you need medication and procedures to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Y'all need to lay off the OP. IVF is not right for everyone, even for people who might otherwise benefit from it. It's ok if the OP doesn't want to go down that road. Just because it was a decision you made does not mean she has to do it. And she's still allowed to ask questions about it, even if she still decides she doesn't want to do it. Seriously. I feel like I'm in an after school special, all the peer pressure going on here.

On the other hand, OP, I think you might be in the wrong forum. This forum is specifically for people who are undergoing fertility treatment. People here expect to be able to ask and get answers about IVF. Your disinterest in those treatments is coming off as a bit tone deaf, under the circumstances. FYI - the TTC forum is for people who are simply trying - however it happens, with IVF or without. You will probably find more people there who, like you, are also on the fence or have chosen not to go the IVF route.

As a final comment, OP, it seems to me that you might benefit from fertility counseling. There are therapists who specialize in fertility-related issues. A good counselor would be much better at helping you work through your frustration and disbelief at your inability to get pregnant, and your sense of isolation, than an anonymous message board. Your issues are emotional. We can't really help with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all need to lay off the OP. IVF is not right for everyone, even for people who might otherwise benefit from it. It's ok if the OP doesn't want to go down that road. Just because it was a decision you made does not mean she has to do it. And she's still allowed to ask questions about it, even if she still decides she doesn't want to do it. Seriously. I feel like I'm in an after school special, all the peer pressure going on here.

On the other hand, OP, I think you might be in the wrong forum. This forum is specifically for people who are undergoing fertility treatment. People here expect to be able to ask and get answers about IVF. Your disinterest in those treatments is coming off as a bit tone deaf, under the circumstances. FYI - the TTC forum is for people who are simply trying - however it happens, with IVF or without. You will probably find more people there who, like you, are also on the fence or have chosen not to go the IVF route.

As a final comment, OP, it seems to me that you might benefit from fertility counseling. There are therapists who specialize in fertility-related issues. A good counselor would be much better at helping you work through your frustration and disbelief at your inability to get pregnant, and your sense of isolation, than an anonymous message board. Your issues are emotional. We can't really help with that.

+1.

I disagree with the advice to go for counseling. I think sitting around and talking about it will just make it worse. If OP wants a baby she needs to take ACTION. Not talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all need to lay off the OP. IVF is not right for everyone, even for people who might otherwise benefit from it. It's ok if the OP doesn't want to go down that road. Just because it was a decision you made does not mean she has to do it. And she's still allowed to ask questions about it, even if she still decides she doesn't want to do it. Seriously. I feel like I'm in an after school special, all the peer pressure going on here.

On the other hand, OP, I think you might be in the wrong forum. This forum is specifically for people who are undergoing fertility treatment. People here expect to be able to ask and get answers about IVF. Your disinterest in those treatments is coming off as a bit tone deaf, under the circumstances. FYI - the TTC forum is for people who are simply trying - however it happens, with IVF or without. You will probably find more people there who, like you, are also on the fence or have chosen not to go the IVF route.

As a final comment, OP, it seems to me that you might benefit from fertility counseling. There are therapists who specialize in fertility-related issues. A good counselor would be much better at helping you work through your frustration and disbelief at your inability to get pregnant, and your sense of isolation, than an anonymous message board. Your issues are emotional. We can't really help with that.

+1.

I disagree with the advice to go for counseling. I think sitting around and talking about it will just make it worse. If OP wants a baby she needs to take ACTION. Not talk.

The OP has already said she'd be ok with not having another child. So, your assumptions about her goals are simply wrong. Why is it so important to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all need to lay off the OP. IVF is not right for everyone, even for people who might otherwise benefit from it. It's ok if the OP doesn't want to go down that road. Just because it was a decision you made does not mean she has to do it. And she's still allowed to ask questions about it, even if she still decides she doesn't want to do it. Seriously. I feel like I'm in an after school special, all the peer pressure going on here.

On the other hand, OP, I think you might be in the wrong forum. This forum is specifically for people who are undergoing fertility treatment. People here expect to be able to ask and get answers about IVF. Your disinterest in those treatments is coming off as a bit tone deaf, under the circumstances. FYI - the TTC forum is for people who are simply trying - however it happens, with IVF or without. You will probably find more people there who, like you, are also on the fence or have chosen not to go the IVF route.

As a final comment, OP, it seems to me that you might benefit from fertility counseling. There are therapists who specialize in fertility-related issues. A good counselor would be much better at helping you work through your frustration and disbelief at your inability to get pregnant, and your sense of isolation, than an anonymous message board. Your issues are emotional. We can't really help with that.

+1.

I disagree with the advice to go for counseling. I think sitting around and talking about it will just make it worse. If OP wants a baby she needs to take ACTION. Not talk.

The OP has already said she'd be ok with not having another child. So, your assumptions about her goals are simply wrong. Why is it so important to you?

Then why is she posting on an infertility message board? op clearly does want another child or she wouldn't be complaining about secondary infertility and how isolated she feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all need to lay off the OP. IVF is not right for everyone, even for people who might otherwise benefit from it. It's ok if the OP doesn't want to go down that road. Just because it was a decision you made does not mean she has to do it. And she's still allowed to ask questions about it, even if she still decides she doesn't want to do it. Seriously. I feel like I'm in an after school special, all the peer pressure going on here.

On the other hand, OP, I think you might be in the wrong forum. This forum is specifically for people who are undergoing fertility treatment. People here expect to be able to ask and get answers about IVF. Your disinterest in those treatments is coming off as a bit tone deaf, under the circumstances. FYI - the TTC forum is for people who are simply trying - however it happens, with IVF or without. You will probably find more people there who, like you, are also on the fence or have chosen not to go the IVF route.

As a final comment, OP, it seems to me that you might benefit from fertility counseling. There are therapists who specialize in fertility-related issues. A good counselor would be much better at helping you work through your frustration and disbelief at your inability to get pregnant, and your sense of isolation, than an anonymous message board. Your issues are emotional. We can't really help with that.

+1.

I disagree with the advice to go for counseling. I think sitting around and talking about it will just make it worse. If OP wants a baby she needs to take ACTION. Not talk.

The OP has already said she'd be ok with not having another child. So, your assumptions about her goals are simply wrong. Why is it so important to you?

Then why is she posting on an infertility message board? op clearly does want another child or she wouldn't be complaining about secondary infertility and how isolated she feels.

This is why I suggested she post on TTC, not here. She said on this thread that she would be ok if it never happens. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to keep trying or that she isn't allowed to feel frustrated. There are gray areas here, pp. She wants a child enough to keep trying naturally, but not enough to be willing to undergo treatment. What's complicated about that?

You haven't answered my question though. Why is it so important to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all need to lay off the OP. IVF is not right for everyone, even for people who might otherwise benefit from it. It's ok if the OP doesn't want to go down that road. Just because it was a decision you made does not mean she has to do it. And she's still allowed to ask questions about it, even if she still decides she doesn't want to do it. Seriously. I feel like I'm in an after school special, all the peer pressure going on here.

On the other hand, OP, I think you might be in the wrong forum. This forum is specifically for people who are undergoing fertility treatment. People here expect to be able to ask and get answers about IVF. Your disinterest in those treatments is coming off as a bit tone deaf, under the circumstances. FYI - the TTC forum is for people who are simply trying - however it happens, with IVF or without. You will probably find more people there who, like you, are also on the fence or have chosen not to go the IVF route.

As a final comment, OP, it seems to me that you might benefit from fertility counseling. There are therapists who specialize in fertility-related issues. A good counselor would be much better at helping you work through your frustration and disbelief at your inability to get pregnant, and your sense of isolation, than an anonymous message board. Your issues are emotional. We can't really help with that.

+1.

I disagree with the advice to go for counseling. I think sitting around and talking about it will just make it worse. If OP wants a baby she needs to take ACTION. Not talk.

The OP has already said she'd be ok with not having another child. So, your assumptions about her goals are simply wrong. Why is it so important to you?

Then why is she posting on an infertility message board? op clearly does want another child or she wouldn't be complaining about secondary infertility and how isolated she feels.

This is why I suggested she post on TTC, not here. She said on this thread that she would be ok if it never happens. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to keep trying or that she isn't allowed to feel frustrated. There are gray areas here, pp. She wants a child enough to keep trying naturally, but not enough to be willing to undergo treatment. What's complicated about that?

You haven't answered my question though. Why is it so important to you?

I'll answer! I spent a lot of time and energy debating IVF. I was extremely dramatic. Nervous about the meds. Constantly agonizing. Putting it off. Convincing myself I didn't want to have a child, but I did deep down. Telling myself well maybe it will happen naturally. Spent a few years doing this.

I somehow bit the bullet and did a round of IVF. It was seriously NO big deal. It's a distant memory. I'm now in my third trimester. Honestly, pregnancy has been a lot more stressful than IVF. I think the hardest part about IVF can be getting started. If you can handle pregnancy you can handle IVF.

I just think it's sad if OP wants another child but chooses to not have one because she can't face IVF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll answer! I spent a lot of time and energy debating IVF. I was extremely dramatic. Nervous about the meds. Constantly agonizing. Putting it off. Convincing myself I didn't want to have a child, but I did deep down. Telling myself well maybe it will happen naturally. Spent a few years doing this.

I somehow bit the bullet and did a round of IVF. It was seriously NO big deal. It's a distant memory. I'm now in my third trimester. Honestly, pregnancy has been a lot more stressful than IVF. I think the hardest part about IVF can be getting started. If you can handle pregnancy you can handle IVF.

I just think it's sad if OP wants another child but chooses to not have one because she can't face IVF.

I get that. But, surely you've been on this board long enough to know that IVF meds affect different people differently. For example, some women really react to Lupron, while it doesn't bother others at all. Not all people on here have the same resources either - financial or emotional. (My DH was very supportive but I know others who were not.) Some people are also just not willing to take the step. It's not important enough to them. That's ok. You look at OP and clearly see yourself. But, she's not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll answer! I spent a lot of time and energy debating IVF. I was extremely dramatic. Nervous about the meds. Constantly agonizing. Putting it off. Convincing myself I didn't want to have a child, but I did deep down. Telling myself well maybe it will happen naturally. Spent a few years doing this.

I somehow bit the bullet and did a round of IVF. It was seriously NO big deal. It's a distant memory. I'm now in my third trimester. Honestly, pregnancy has been a lot more stressful than IVF. I think the hardest part about IVF can be getting started. If you can handle pregnancy you can handle IVF.

I just think it's sad if OP wants another child but chooses to not have one because she can't face IVF.

I get that. But, surely you've been on this board long enough to know that IVF meds affect different people differently. For example, some women really react to Lupron, while it doesn't bother others at all. Not all people on here have the same resources either - financial or emotional. (My DH was very supportive but I know others who were not.) Some people are also just not willing to take the step. It's not important enough to them. That's ok. [/b]You look at OP and clearly see yourself. But, she's not you[b].

Right. Most of us see through the world through our own eyes. I just know I struggled in facing IVF and looking back I'm so glad I went through with it and it was way easier than I ever expected! Surely my experience could help someone, including OP.

Fwiw - medication almost always affects people different and we all have different resources - financial or emotional. This is true for everything in life, including IVF. It's too bad OP expects to face side effects from the medication but the good news is you don't take the medication long at all. Also very few of the medications are known for serious side effects or anything long lasting. I think OP is simply using the medication as an excuse and she is overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll answer! I spent a lot of time and energy debating IVF. I was extremely dramatic. Nervous about the meds. Constantly agonizing. Putting it off. Convincing myself I didn't want to have a child, but I did deep down. Telling myself well maybe it will happen naturally. Spent a few years doing this.

I somehow bit the bullet and did a round of IVF. It was seriously NO big deal. It's a distant memory. I'm now in my third trimester. Honestly, pregnancy has been a lot more stressful than IVF. I think the hardest part about IVF can be getting started. If you can handle pregnancy you can handle IVF.

I just think it's sad if OP wants another child but chooses to not have one because she can't face IVF.

I get that. But, surely you've been on this board long enough to know that IVF meds affect different people differently. For example, some women really react to Lupron, while it doesn't bother others at all. Not all people on here have the same resources either - financial or emotional. (My DH was very supportive but I know others who were not.) Some people are also just not willing to take the step. It's not important enough to them. That's ok. [/b]You look at OP and clearly see yourself. But, she's not you[b].

Right. Most of us see through the world through our own eyes. I just know I struggled in facing IVF and looking back I'm so glad I went through with it and it was way easier than I ever expected! Surely my experience could help someone, including OP.

Fwiw - medication almost always affects people different and we all have different resources - financial or emotional. This is true for everything in life, including IVF. It's too bad OP expects to face side effects from the medication but the good news is you don't take the medication long at all. Also very few of the medications are known for serious side effects or anything long lasting. I think OP is simply using the medication as an excuse and she is overwhelmed.

Not sure why you are having so much trouble getting out of your own experience. You really seem to be counseling yourself here. Not the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll answer! I spent a lot of time and energy debating IVF. I was extremely dramatic. Nervous about the meds. Constantly agonizing. Putting it off. Convincing myself I didn't want to have a child, but I did deep down. Telling myself well maybe it will happen naturally. Spent a few years doing this.

I somehow bit the bullet and did a round of IVF. It was seriously NO big deal. It's a distant memory. I'm now in my third trimester. Honestly, pregnancy has been a lot more stressful than IVF. I think the hardest part about IVF can be getting started. If you can handle pregnancy you can handle IVF.

I just think it's sad if OP wants another child but chooses to not have one because she can't face IVF.

I get that. But, surely you've been on this board long enough to know that IVF meds affect different people differently. For example, some women really react to Lupron, while it doesn't bother others at all. Not all people on here have the same resources either - financial or emotional. (My DH was very supportive but I know others who were not.) Some people are also just not willing to take the step. It's not important enough to them. That's ok. [/b]You look at OP and clearly see yourself. But, she's not you[b].

Right. Most of us see through the world through our own eyes. I just know I struggled in facing IVF and looking back I'm so glad I went through with it and it was way easier than I ever expected! Surely my experience could help someone, including OP.

Fwiw - medication almost always affects people different and we all have different resources - financial or emotional. This is true for everything in life, including IVF. It's too bad OP expects to face side effects from the medication but the good news is you don't take the medication long at all. Also very few of the medications are known for serious side effects or anything long lasting. I think OP is simply using the medication as an excuse and she is overwhelmed.

Not sure why you are having so much trouble getting out of your own experience. You really seem to be counseling yourself here. Not the OP.

You also seem to be stuck on your own experience and seem to be counseling yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll answer! I spent a lot of time and energy debating IVF. I was extremely dramatic. Nervous about the meds. Constantly agonizing. Putting it off. Convincing myself I didn't want to have a child, but I did deep down. Telling myself well maybe it will happen naturally. Spent a few years doing this.

I somehow bit the bullet and did a round of IVF. It was seriously NO big deal. It's a distant memory. I'm now in my third trimester. Honestly, pregnancy has been a lot more stressful than IVF. I think the hardest part about IVF can be getting started. If you can handle pregnancy you can handle IVF.

I just think it's sad if OP wants another child but chooses to not have one because she can't face IVF.

I get that. But, surely you've been on this board long enough to know that IVF meds affect different people differently. For example, some women really react to Lupron, while it doesn't bother others at all. Not all people on here have the same resources either - financial or emotional. (My DH was very supportive but I know others who were not.) Some people are also just not willing to take the step. It's not important enough to them. That's ok. [/b]You look at OP and clearly see yourself. But, she's not you[b].

Right. Most of us see through the world through our own eyes. I just know I struggled in facing IVF and looking back I'm so glad I went through with it and it was way easier than I ever expected! Surely my experience could help someone, including OP.

Fwiw - medication almost always affects people different and we all have different resources - financial or emotional. This is true for everything in life, including IVF. It's too bad OP expects to face side effects from the medication but the good news is you don't take the medication long at all. Also very few of the medications are known for serious side effects or anything long lasting. I think OP is simply using the medication as an excuse and she is overwhelmed.

Not sure why you are having so much trouble getting out of your own experience. You really seem to be counseling yourself here. Not the OP.

Because our experiences are similar even though you may be unable to get out of your own experience and understand this. I'm not counseling myself. Looking back IVF wasn't a big deal at all and it's silly how much time and energy I spent worrying over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll answer! I spent a lot of time and energy debating IVF. I was extremely dramatic. Nervous about the meds. Constantly agonizing. Putting it off. Convincing myself I didn't want to have a child, but I did deep down. Telling myself well maybe it will happen naturally. Spent a few years doing this.

I somehow bit the bullet and did a round of IVF. It was seriously NO big deal. It's a distant memory. I'm now in my third trimester. Honestly, pregnancy has been a lot more stressful than IVF. I think the hardest part about IVF can be getting started. If you can handle pregnancy you can handle IVF.

I just think it's sad if OP wants another child but chooses to not have one because she can't face IVF.

I get that. But, surely you've been on this board long enough to know that IVF meds affect different people differently. For example, some women really react to Lupron, while it doesn't bother others at all. Not all people on here have the same resources either - financial or emotional. (My DH was very supportive but I know others who were not.) Some people are also just not willing to take the step. It's not important enough to them. That's ok. [/b]You look at OP and clearly see yourself. But, she's not you[b].

Right. Most of us see through the world through our own eyes. I just know I struggled in facing IVF and looking back I'm so glad I went through with it and it was way easier than I ever expected! Surely my experience could help someone, including OP.

Fwiw - medication almost always affects people different and we all have different resources - financial or emotional. This is true for everything in life, including IVF. It's too bad OP expects to face side effects from the medication but the good news is you don't take the medication long at all. Also very few of the medications are known for serious side effects or anything long lasting. I think OP is simply using the medication as an excuse and she is overwhelmed.

Not sure why you are having so much trouble getting out of your own experience. You really seem to be counseling yourself here. Not the OP.

You also seem to be stuck on your own experience and seem to be counseling yourself!

I simply saw OP being bullied, frankly, and tried to step in nicely and encourage everyone to be a bit more compassionate. Perhaps you'll be able to be less defensive when this experience is a little further in your rear view mirror.

In the meantime, I hope that seeing this dialogue can help OP place some of the harsher, more hurtful comments she's received in appropriate perspective.

[Anonymous]

I agree that OP is posting on the wrong board. Most women here have undergone or are thinking about undergoing fertility treatments. OP, you may want to consider sharing your struggles on a forum with other like-minded women (i.e. women dealing with secondary infertility but who are not going the ART route). By the way, I used to be quite resistant to treatment but soon it became clear that time was ticking and I needed to get on a treatment course fast. For me, the answer was fertility treatment. For you the answer may be acupuncture/herbs/counseling etc. Good luck!