Can't stop texting my ex

[Anonymous]

I texted myself. It helped a little, not always and I sometimes fucked up and texted or called him even though I didn't want to, but obviously did want to. Maybe try writing him a letter and hopefully never sending it to him, writing in a journal, or texting him, but to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Fire up some good hate sex and get it out of your system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best of luck OP. So hard to do but you will find that strength and self control!

Thank you PP. I hope so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy because it doesn't matter now. He's not your boyfriend, he's your EX. What you held back, he doesn't give a shit about. So you're not doing anything to educate him on what he did wrong and you're not doing anything that will help salvage a relationship BECAUSE YOU ARE NO LONGER IN ONE. He owes you nothing. Not an apology. Not an explanation. NOT. ONE. THING. If he's responding, he's just playing you, and you're playing into it. You're allowing him to drive you even crazier than you already are. Your behavior is pathetic. Your attitude towards it is even more pathetic. And it makes sense now that he's your ex. Who'd want to be with someone like this? Get a grip, OP, and give yourself a reality check before a restraining order gives you one.

He does owe me an apology that's where you're wrong. The things he did to me and the way he ended it, he can't apologize enough

Accept the things you cannot change, OP, and you'll be happier.

Very true.. Thank you PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Thank you everyone so much for your posts (most of them) I really do appreciate it and honestly will make an appointment with a therapist sometime this week

OP, I have been where you are in terms of coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship and wanting to get some kind of apology.

The thing is that an abuser is by definition not someone who is thinking rationally or operating in a normal, emotionally healthy way.

What you want -- an apology for bad behavior -- is reasonable. Unfortunately, it is not a reasonable expectation to get an apology from an abuser/emotionally unhealthy person. You are not going to get an explanation from an abusive/emotionally unhealthy person, no matter how mad you get and no matter how many times you try to him that what he did was wrong and you deserve an apology. You are expecting rational/healthy behavior from someone who is not rational/healthy.

I'm glad you are going to see a therapist. You definitely need some help setting boundaries, so you don't get in this situation again. You need to explore why you didn't recognize and walk away from early signs of abuse. You need to explore why it is so important for you to get an apology? Have you somehow bought into the common tactic of the abuser who blames the partner for the abuse. Have you been subject to gas lighting for so long you have lost your frame of reference for what is real and normal? What romantic myths are you buying into that caused you to accept this relationship for so long? (Love is "hard". True love is "dramatic". I have to give someone I love another chance. He says he loves me, even though he does these mean things.) Why would you want to be friends with someone who was abusive to you? Why would you want to stay in contact with someone who is abusive?

Find a therapist that is experienced with domestic abuse, block your Ex, and start to heal yourself.

Commit to not dating for at least a year or two.

Thank you PP!! I screenshotted this to read over again later and remind myself. This is the kind of advice I am looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been broken up? Do you think he's accomodating your outbursts because he feels guilty? Don't mistake pity for caring. You may get a bit of a charge out of thinking he cares but ultimately it's useless- he's never going to be able to do anything to make you feel well and truly better. Only you can provide that for yourself. Talking to a therapist to get a different perspective is a great idea, good luck!

Yea I think he could be because he feels guilty; he apologizes over and over. He does say he feels bad and that he did everything wrong, etc but its not going to change the situation. Sometimes I feel like its just to calm me down and get me to stop, other times I feel its because he does care? I don't know. It all just hurts. Thank you PP. Everyone suggests a therapist so I guess I really need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex was really awful to me (and time to process after he left made me realize how really awful he was, when I was in it I was so busy covering for him that I was blind to it). But I used a therapist and a journal to vent all those feelings. I know I will never get a satisfactory apology from him and going around in circles with him won't make me feel better and will just continue my spiral of anger and sadness.
Looking back now, I'm glad I took the higher road. Honestly, my ex would have secretly thrived on the attention (he loves drama and would have loved knowing I was still hung up on him) and I would have looked pathetic. But cutting him out completely really helped me heal.

You need the space. Give that gift to yourself. It's not about him, it's about you. You will feel better and stronger once he's out of your life.

Thank you PP. I think he does probably still like the attention and knowing that I still love him deep down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy because it doesn't matter now. He's not your boyfriend, he's your EX. What you held back, he doesn't give a shit about. So you're not doing anything to educate him on what he did wrong and you're not doing anything that will help salvage a relationship BECAUSE YOU ARE NO LONGER IN ONE. He owes you nothing. Not an apology. Not an explanation. NOT. ONE. THING. If he's responding, he's just playing you, and you're playing into it. You're allowing him to drive you even crazier than you already are. Your behavior is pathetic. Your attitude towards it is even more pathetic. And it makes sense now that he's your ex. Who'd want to be with someone like this? Get a grip, OP, and give yourself a reality check before a restraining order gives you one.

He does owe me an apology that's where you're wrong. The things he did to me and the way he ended it, he can't apologize enough

Nope. He needs a restraining order against your brand of crazy

Thanks but I'm not crazy and he doesn't need one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get you. My wife cheat d and we divorced and for way too long I did the same thing. It gets better. But takes a huge amount NOT of time. Therapy and SSRIs don't always work. Just get through each day.

Thanks PP. I appreciate that. It's been a while but it still feels the same as the first days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been broken up? Do you think he's accomodating your outbursts because he feels guilty? Don't mistake pity for caring. You may get a bit of a charge out of thinking he cares but ultimately it's useless- he's never going to be able to do anything to make you feel well and truly better. Only you can provide that for yourself. Talking to a therapist to get a different perspective is a great idea, good luck!

Yea I think he could be because he feels guilty; he apologizes over and over. He does say he feels bad and that he did everything wrong, etc but its not going to change the situation. Sometimes I feel like its just to calm me down and get me to stop, other times I feel its because he does care? I don't know. It all just hurts. Thank you PP. Everyone suggests a therapist so I guess I really need to.

This is known as the "reconciliation" stage of abuse. It's a very common pattern where the abuser says and does nice things. google "cycle of abuse and see if you recognize yourself and your partner in the abusive dance. also, visit loveisrespect.org and read up.