Sahms - what's your schedule during the week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL attacked me for being a SAHM at a family function. Then lamented that I have help. Then bitched that she hates her job and does not have the luxury (like I had) to leave it because they need the money.

What can I do or say to make it better for her?

Nothing. She sounds trashy.

[Anonymous]

Why are people so angry that SAHMs can hire help? Should women stay at home to do housework only? Is that the deal? Either work outside for pay or do all the housework without help? Well, I refuse to do this, even if it makes some women (SAHMs and WOHMs) unhappy. I feel I am worthy of comfort and luxury. If others do not feel that then it is their problem. I do not have a low self-esteem problem or a martyrdom syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Yeah- SAHM to elementary school kids who has a once a week hoisecleaner and babysitters whenever I want them.

We can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah- SAHM to elementary school kids who has a once a week hoisecleaner and babysitters whenever I want them.

We can afford it.

Is this really that special?

[Anonymous]

Op, your baby's sleep schedule is off, that's why he's fussy during the day. I didn't appreciate the importance of this when I was a FTM, but it really matters. Here's a sample schedule - you really should be seeing two naps a day at this point. http://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/9-month-old-baby-schedule/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah- SAHM to elementary school kids who has a once a week hoisecleaner and babysitters whenever I want them.

We can afford it.

Is this really that special?

Not in my circle of friends. I had to laugh though when a PP said "you are a SAHP who has CHILDCARE" like that was appalling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, your baby's sleep schedule is off, that's why he's fussy during the day. I didn't appreciate the importance of this when I was a FTM, but it really matters. Here's a sample schedule - you really should be seeing two naps a day at this point. http://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/9-month-old-baby-schedule/

I hope OP is still reading because this is exactly right.

[Anonymous]

OP, at that age, my son took two naps. He got up around 7, napped from 10-11, and then again from 130-230. In bed around 630-7. The second nap was iffy, so we started going out and doing things after lunch, in the afternoon, and he'd snooze in car/stroller/baby carrier much better than in his crib. Never did classes but he enjoyed going to museums, Target, walks to the park, etc.
FWIW he was never a great napper, but once we went down to one nap a day it got better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs have a lot of time at hand!

My wife is a superwoman- balancing 2 kids and a full time job, with just a house-cleaner coming in 2x a week. She showed me this thread and told me not to be snarky but sorry.

She has to be superwoman since her loser husband doesn't make enough for her to stay at home.
She resents you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your baby's sleep schedule is off, that's why he's fussy during the day. I didn't appreciate the importance of this when I was a FTM, but it really matters. Here's a sample schedule - you really should be seeing two naps a day at this point. http://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/9-month-old-baby-schedule/

I hope OP is still reading because this is exactly right.

Op here: We tried putting him to sleep earlier but he wakes up at 3am. He needs to nap every 2-3 hours during the day. His pediatrician told me what we're doing is fine. His gets more than enough sleep. Every baby is different. Unfortunately this schedule doesn't work for my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

Not being snarky or judgmental, just curious - now that your kids are out of the house (or nearly, in the case of the HSer), what do you do all day? I agree with everything you said about the cleaning lady - I love a clean house and I hate cleaning! So if I were a SAHM I'd hate having to do chores and I'd probably want to outsource them too. But - what do you do?!

Someone else replied on my behalf before.
I volunteer quite a bit, run the house (yes, cleaning lady and the yard person needs direction), cook, meet up with friends, pursue hobbies - painting, sculpting, host people, manage our money and different properties, relax, socialize, spend time with my husband, travel, help out family and friends etc. I have also aged in the 20 years since I have had kids, and of all the things I would like to do - housework is not something that I am interested in. I did not stay home to clean-up. I stayed home to be with my kids, after making enough to retire young. I am not particularly materialistic, so I forgo "things" in lieu of "help".

Why do these sahm posts always turn into wars? Op came here asking for advice and she's gets lots of sahms bragging about having tons of help.

x a billion. I'm a SAHM and I have a lot of questions about schedules and time management, etc etc but I feel like I can't ask without being attacked or having my thread high jacked.

It's because your whole life is managing your kids and stuff around the house, and it isn't that hard. You just sound dumb if you can't figure these fairly basic things out independently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

Not being snarky or judgmental, just curious - now that your kids are out of the house (or nearly, in the case of the HSer), what do you do all day? I agree with everything you said about the cleaning lady - I love a clean house and I hate cleaning! So if I were a SAHM I'd hate having to do chores and I'd probably want to outsource them too. But - what do you do?!

Someone else replied on my behalf before.
I volunteer quite a bit, run the house (yes, cleaning lady and the yard person needs direction), cook, meet up with friends, pursue hobbies - painting, sculpting, host people, manage our money and different properties, relax, socialize, spend time with my husband, travel, help out family and friends etc. I have also aged in the 20 years since I have had kids, and of all the things I would like to do - housework is not something that I am interested in. I did not stay home to clean-up. I stayed home to be with my kids, after making enough to retire young. I am not particularly materialistic, so I forgo "things" in lieu of "help".

Why do these sahm posts always turn into wars? Op came here asking for advice and she's gets lots of sahms bragging about having tons of help.

x a billion. I'm a SAHM and I have a lot of questions about schedules and time management, etc etc but I feel like I can't ask without being attacked or having my thread high jacked.

It's because your whole life is managing your kids and stuff around the house, and it isn't that hard. You just sound dumb if you can't figure these fairly basic things out independently.

Yes, so true. Parenting my 3 YO 2 YO and infant was not hard at all. Especially when my husband was traveling 12 days a month. When the eMBA started it was even more fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs have a lot of time at hand!

My wife is a superwoman- balancing 2 kids and a full time job, with just a house-cleaner coming in 2x a week. She showed me this thread and told me not to be snarky but sorry.

She has to be superwoman since her loser husband doesn't make enough for her to stay at home.
She resents you.

FU! Go hit the tanning salon and nail parlor while your husband busts his ass. No wonder your hags have husband who have affairs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs have a lot of time at hand!

My wife is a superwoman- balancing 2 kids and a full time job, with just a house-cleaner coming in 2x a week. She showed me this thread and told me not to be snarky but sorry.

She has to be superwoman since her loser husband doesn't make enough for her to stay at home.
She resents you.

FU! Go hit the tanning salon and nail parlor while your husband busts his ass. No wonder your hags have husband who have affairs!

The tanning salon? Did 1993 call you? My husband does bust his ass to take care of us. I mean- my trust fund, annual gifting to the tune of 56k in cash a year, and recent distributions of whatever we need to put down our new house. I guess he can have an affair if he wants. 12 happy years in - but I trust completely.

If that makes me a hag- so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your baby's sleep schedule is off, that's why he's fussy during the day. I didn't appreciate the importance of this when I was a FTM, but it really matters. Here's a sample schedule - you really should be seeing two naps a day at this point. http://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/9-month-old-baby-schedule/

I hope OP is still reading because this is exactly right.

Op here: We tried putting him to sleep earlier but he wakes up at 3am. He needs to nap every 2-3 hours during the day. His pediatrician told me what we're doing is fine. His gets more than enough sleep. Every baby is different. Unfortunately this schedule doesn't work for my son.

Don't focus on the time so much as consolidating daytime sleeping to two naps. Take the schedule above and shift it ahead three hours, and work on two naps at the right time that way. I think you'll find your day easier to manage that way, and it will be more restful sleep for the baby. Don't get him up at the first stirrings, and keep him awake if it's not time for a nap. 4 to 5 day naps is more like a newborns schedule.