Sahms - what's your schedule during the week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your baby's sleep schedule is off, that's why he's fussy during the day. I didn't appreciate the importance of this when I was a FTM, but it really matters. Here's a sample schedule - you really should be seeing two naps a day at this point. http://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/9-month-old-baby-schedule/

I hope OP is still reading because this is exactly right.

Op here: We tried putting him to sleep earlier but he wakes up at 3am. He needs to nap every 2-3 hours during the day. His pediatrician told me what we're doing is fine. His gets more than enough sleep. Every baby is different. Unfortunately this schedule doesn't work for my son.

Don't focus on the time so much as consolidating daytime sleeping to two naps. Take the schedule above and shift it ahead three hours, and work on two naps at the right time that way. I think you'll find your day easier to manage that way, and it will be more restful sleep for the baby. Don't get him up at the first stirrings, and keep him awake if it's not time for a nap. 4 to 5 day naps is more like a newborns schedule.

OP, how long did you give it when you tried to change the bedtime. It takes a week or two to adjust. You have to stick with the earlier bedtime that long. That being said, mine slept 7pm to 5 am for much of the first two years. They do wake up early until around two. Personally, I still found this a better schedule because they didn't need to nap as much during the day.

Yes, every child is different, but they are also not inflexible. You do have some control over the situation. Your ped is right in the sense that your child is currently getting enough sleep, but I doubt that your ped said that this schedule is necessary and you must maintain it. Your life will become much more enjoyable when you are not spending it facilitating naps for a cranky kid who needs longer stretches of sleep at night to be less cranky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please give me tips! I'm staying home with my difficult 9 month old and I feel like I get nothing done. I want to start going to the gym for an hour every day. I finally found a childcare provider who is good with him. My son wakes up at 6 am and then goes back to sleep until 10 am. Most of the baby classes are all starting around this time so I haven't been going.

You are a stay at home mom and you have childcare? Are you kidding me?

Not OP, I am a SAHM have a nanny and housekeeper. Your head must be exploding. My DH travels for work and I need time for me. If you WOH you get the chance to take a lunch break and have alone time when you are commuting. Don't judge, your life is not anyone else's.

+1 get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

Not being snarky or judgmental, just curious - now that your kids are out of the house (or nearly, in the case of the HSer), what do you do all day? I agree with everything you said about the cleaning lady - I love a clean house and I hate cleaning! So if I were a SAHM I'd hate having to do chores and I'd probably want to outsource them too. But - what do you do?!

Someone else replied on my behalf before.
I volunteer quite a bit, run the house (yes, cleaning lady and the yard person needs direction), cook, meet up with friends, pursue hobbies - painting, sculpting, host people, manage our money and different properties, relax, socialize, spend time with my husband, travel, help out family and friends etc. I have also aged in the 20 years since I have had kids, and of all the things I would like to do - housework is not something that I am interested in. I did not stay home to clean-up. I stayed home to be with my kids, after making enough to retire young. I am not particularly materialistic, so I forgo "things" in lieu of "help".

Why do these sahm posts always turn into wars? Op came here asking for advice and she's gets lots of sahms bragging about having tons of help.

x a billion. I'm a SAHM and I have a lot of questions about schedules and time management, etc etc but I feel like I can't ask without being attacked or having my thread high jacked.

It's because your whole life is managing your kids and stuff around the house, and it isn't that hard. You just sound dumb if you can't figure these fairly basic things out independently.

Yes, so true. Parenting my 3 YO 2 YO and infant was not hard at all. Especially when my husband was traveling 12 days a month. When the eMBA started it was even more fun!

Wait, is that supposed to sound hard? Sounds like normal life stuff to me. Way easier than handling that and working. But it sounds like it was the most you had the capacity to handle. We all have different strengths and abilities.

[Anonymous]

In fairness, since you've never been home all day with three kids you have no idea what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

It doesn't make me ballistic but I can't imagine being a SAHM with a cleaning lady if I were middle class as you say. I sure hope you have a private retirement account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

It doesn't make me ballistic but I can't imagine being a SAHM with a cleaning lady if I were middle class as you say. I sure hope you have a private retirement account.

LOL. I do have my own retirement account.
I am very comfortable because we have always lived below our means. When our peers were buying in Bethesda, Arlington, Potomac and Chevy Chase - we chose to live in a cheaper area. I am glad that my DH did not care about where we lived.

I also saved all my earnings and made it grow. I would not buy a designer bag or shoes (strictly Macy's and Kohls shopper), but I will pay for a cleaning lady. I am not middle class. I am DC middle class. Which is a whole different story. People's idea of wealth has changed here because they are so much in debt or have high mortgages or students loans or cost of Private schools, that they do not understand that a HHI of 200 - 300K is a huge amount of money everywhere else in the US.

What does a DC middle class HHI gets you in the suburbs - especially if your mortgage is low, retirement and college is taken care of, no student debt, no childcare cost, no private school cost and no botox ? A very relaxed life with drudge chores outsourced. I pay around 9K a year for my entire house cleaning and entire yard work. That is just 2 designer handbags for some, or a trip or two to the beach. I don't have the handbags and I don't like the beach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

It doesn't make me ballistic but I can't imagine being a SAHM with a cleaning lady if I were middle class as you say. I sure hope you have a private retirement account.

LOL. I do have my own retirement account.
I am very comfortable because we have always lived below our means. When our peers were buying in Bethesda, Arlington, Potomac and Chevy Chase - we chose to live in a cheaper area. I am glad that my DH did not care about where we lived.

I also saved all my earnings and made it grow. I would not buy a designer bag or shoes (strictly Macy's and Kohls shopper), but I will pay for a cleaning lady. I am not middle class. I am DC middle class. Which is a whole different story. People's idea of wealth has changed here because they are so much in debt or have high mortgages or students loans or cost of Private schools, that they do not understand that a HHI of 200 - 300K is a huge amount of money everywhere else in the US.

What does a DC middle class HHI gets you in the suburbs - especially if your mortgage is low, retirement and college is taken care of, no student debt, no childcare cost, no private school cost and no botox ? A very relaxed life with drudge chores outsourced. I pay around 9K a year for my entire house cleaning and entire yard work. That is just 2 designer handbags for some, or a trip or two to the beach. I don't have the handbags and I don't like the beach.

We are the same way. My DH stays at home with the kids, and we pay for a housekeeper 4 days a week and lawn care. I make about $230k/yr. I figure it's about what some people spend on luxury cars, expensive furniture, or vacations. We are very happy spending our money this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, since you've never been home all day with three kids you have no idea what you are talking about.

Actually the two years when DH's job took us overseas (to a not at all glamorous post in the Sahel region in Africa) I was home with our young kids (6 mo, and 3y/o twins) and those were the easiest years of my life. My SAHM friends always talked about how hard it is to be home, but after experiencing it for myself I can say with certitude that taking care of the kids and home stuff on top of a demanding career is harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

It doesn't make me ballistic but I can't imagine being a SAHM with a cleaning lady if I were middle class as you say. I sure hope you have a private retirement account.

LOL. I do have my own retirement account.
I am very comfortable because we have always lived below our means. When our peers were buying in Bethesda, Arlington, Potomac and Chevy Chase - we chose to live in a cheaper area. I am glad that my DH did not care about where we lived.

I also saved all my earnings and made it grow. I would not buy a designer bag or shoes (strictly Macy's and Kohls shopper), but I will pay for a cleaning lady. I am not middle class. I am DC middle class. Which is a whole different story. People's idea of wealth has changed here because they are so much in debt or have high mortgages or students loans or cost of Private schools, that they do not understand that a HHI of 200 - 300K is a huge amount of money everywhere else in the US.

What does a DC middle class HHI gets you in the suburbs - especially if your mortgage is low, retirement and college is taken care of, no student debt, no childcare cost, no private school cost and no botox ? A very relaxed life with drudge chores outsourced. I pay around 9K a year for my entire house cleaning and entire yard work. That is just 2 designer handbags for some, or a trip or two to the beach. I don't have the handbags and I don't like the beach.

We are the same way. My DH stays at home with the kids, and we pay for a housekeeper 4 days a week and lawn care. I make about $230k/yr. I figure it's about what some people spend on luxury cars, expensive furniture, or vacations. We are very happy spending our money this way.

I'd prefer to spend on luxury cars, furniture or vacations. Why? I can't build my own luxury car or furniture or go on vacation for free. However, I can clean my own house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, since you've never been home all day with three kids you have no idea what you are talking about.

Actually the two years when DH's job took us overseas (to a not at all glamorous post in the Sahel region in Africa) I was home with our young kids (6 mo, and 3y/o twins) and those were the easiest years of my life. My SAHM friends always talked about how hard it is to be home, but after experiencing it for myself I can say with certitude that taking care of the kids and home stuff on top of a demanding career is harder.

And he was traveling half the month? You didn't have domestic staff~ in Africa? Huh.

I completely agree with you though that working full time would be harder. I would miss my kids so much. I know that the bulk of the childcare would still fall on me as he travels so much. So, since I have the luxury of financial independence, I do what is easier and better for the entire family. Thats great that being on your own as a SAHM wasn't hard in any way for you, I'm surprised you chose to make such a hard life for yourself by working when you have three children. Maybe you don't have a choice. I'm sorry you find it so challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

It doesn't make me ballistic but I can't imagine being a SAHM with a cleaning lady if I were middle class as you say. I sure hope you have a private retirement account.

LOL. I do have my own retirement account.
I am very comfortable because we have always lived below our means. When our peers were buying in Bethesda, Arlington, Potomac and Chevy Chase - we chose to live in a cheaper area. I am glad that my DH did not care about where we lived.

I also saved all my earnings and made it grow. I would not buy a designer bag or shoes (strictly Macy's and Kohls shopper), but I will pay for a cleaning lady. I am not middle class. I am DC middle class. Which is a whole different story. People's idea of wealth has changed here because they are so much in debt or have high mortgages or students loans or cost of Private schools, that they do not understand that a HHI of 200 - 300K is a huge amount of money everywhere else in the US.

What does a DC middle class HHI gets you in the suburbs - especially if your mortgage is low, retirement and college is taken care of, no student debt, no childcare cost, no private school cost and no botox ? A very relaxed life with drudge chores outsourced. I pay around 9K a year for my entire house cleaning and entire yard work. That is just 2 designer handbags for some, or a trip or two to the beach. I don't have the handbags and I don't like the beach.

We are the same way. My DH stays at home with the kids, and we pay for a housekeeper 4 days a week and lawn care. I make about $230k/yr. I figure it's about what some people spend on luxury cars, expensive furniture, or vacations. We are very happy spending our money this way.

I'd prefer to spend on luxury cars, furniture or vacations. Why? I can't build my own luxury car or furniture or go on vacation for free. However, I can clean my own house.

Sure. I totally get that some people would rather put in the effort cleaning and cooking themselves and use the money for vacations or a car they really want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your baby's sleep schedule is off, that's why he's fussy during the day. I didn't appreciate the importance of this when I was a FTM, but it really matters. Here's a sample schedule - you really should be seeing two naps a day at this point. http://www.babysleepsite.com/schedules/9-month-old-baby-schedule/

I hope OP is still reading because this is exactly right.

Op here: We tried putting him to sleep earlier but he wakes up at 3am. He needs to nap every 2-3 hours during the day. His pediatrician told me what we're doing is fine. His gets more than enough sleep. Every baby is different. Unfortunately this schedule doesn't work for my son.

Don't focus on the time so much as consolidating daytime sleeping to two naps. Take the schedule above and shift it ahead three hours, and work on two naps at the right time that way. I think you'll find your day easier to manage that way, and it will be more restful sleep for the baby. Don't get him up at the first stirrings, and keep him awake if it's not time for a nap. 4 to 5 day naps is more like a newborns schedule.

OP, how long did you give it when you tried to change the bedtime. It takes a week or two to adjust. You have to stick with the earlier bedtime that long. That being said, mine slept 7pm to 5 am for much of the first two years. They do wake up early until around two. Personally, I still found this a better schedule because they didn't need to nap as much during the day.

Yes, every child is different, but they are also not inflexible. You do have some control over the situation. Your ped is right in the sense that your child is currently getting enough sleep, but I doubt that your ped said that this schedule is necessary and you must maintain it. Your life will become much more enjoyable when you are not spending it facilitating naps for a cranky kid who needs longer stretches of sleep at night to be less cranky.

Op here: we tried putting him down at 8 pm last night and he woke up screaming at 3am. He did wake up an hour earlier this morning. I'm not going to sweat it anymore. He will eventually adjust. My sil sons took 3 naps during the day until he was 2!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fairness, since you've never been home all day with three kids you have no idea what you are talking about.

Actually the two years when DH's job took us overseas (to a not at all glamorous post in the Sahel region in Africa) I was home with our young kids (6 mo, and 3y/o twins) and those were the easiest years of my life. My SAHM friends always talked about how hard it is to be home, but after experiencing it for myself I can say with certitude that taking care of the kids and home stuff on top of a demanding career is harder.

And he was traveling half the month? You didn't have domestic staff~ in Africa? Huh.

I completely agree with you though that working full time would be harder. I would miss my kids so much. I know that the bulk of the childcare would still fall on me as he travels so much. So, since I have the luxury of financial independence, I do what is easier and better for the entire family. Thats great that being on your own as a SAHM wasn't hard in any way for you, I'm surprised you chose to make such a hard life for yourself by working when you have three children. Maybe you don't have a choice. I'm sorry you find it so challenging.

Yes, my husband traveled extensively and we did not have household help. The logistics of a full time career and raising a family are much harder. Staying at home felt like a two year vacation. However, the difference I am able to make in the lives of so many as a human rights lawyer is incredibly fulfilling and has saved countless lives. I'm glad you feel fulfilled by being a SAHM but my sense of moral responsibility to work for justice do the poor, disenfranchised, persecuted, etc. extends further than that.

[Anonymous]

I do too. I just don't get paid for it as I see no reason to take a job from someone who needs it. My moral responsibility is my family- always first- and then using my time and resources to help others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

It doesn't make me ballistic but I can't imagine being a SAHM with a cleaning lady if I were middle class as you say. I sure hope you have a private retirement account.

LOL. I do have my own retirement account.
I am very comfortable because we have always lived below our means. When our peers were buying in Bethesda, Arlington, Potomac and Chevy Chase - we chose to live in a cheaper area. I am glad that my DH did not care about where we lived.

I also saved all my earnings and made it grow. I would not buy a designer bag or shoes (strictly Macy's and Kohls shopper), but I will pay for a cleaning lady. I am not middle class. I am DC middle class. Which is a whole different story. People's idea of wealth has changed here because they are so much in debt or have high mortgages or students loans or cost of Private schools, that they do not understand that a HHI of 200 - 300K is a huge amount of money everywhere else in the US.

What does a DC middle class HHI gets you in the suburbs - especially if your mortgage is low, retirement and college is taken care of, no student debt, no childcare cost, no private school cost and no botox ? A very relaxed life with drudge chores outsourced. I pay around 9K a year for my entire house cleaning and entire yard work. That is just 2 designer handbags for some, or a trip or two to the beach. I don't have the handbags and I don't like the beach.

We are the same way. My DH stays at home with the kids, and we pay for a housekeeper 4 days a week and lawn care. I make about $230k/yr. I figure it's about what some people spend on luxury cars, expensive furniture, or vacations. We are very happy spending our money this way.

I'd prefer to spend on luxury cars, furniture or vacations. Why? I can't build my own luxury car or furniture or go on vacation for free. However, I can clean my own house.

Sure. I totally get that some people would rather put in the effort cleaning and cooking themselves and use the money for vacations or a car they really want.

+1. This is your economic choice. You earn the money, you decide how you want to spend it. Cars, vacations or house-cleaners! Good for everyone who have the money to make these kinds of decisions.