Sahms - what's your schedule during the week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

Not being snarky or judgmental, just curious - now that your kids are out of the house (or nearly, in the case of the HSer), what do you do all day? I agree with everything you said about the cleaning lady - I love a clean house and I hate cleaning! So if I were a SAHM I'd hate having to do chores and I'd probably want to outsource them too. But - what do you do?!

I go to the gym. I clean, do laundry, food shop. Volunteer at the kids school twice a week. Get together with friends for lunch or a pedicure or a hike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

Not being snarky or judgmental, just curious - now that your kids are out of the house (or nearly, in the case of the HSer), what do you do all day? I agree with everything you said about the cleaning lady - I love a clean house and I hate cleaning! So if I were a SAHM I'd hate having to do chores and I'd probably want to outsource them too. But - what do you do?!

I go to the gym. I clean, do laundry, food shop. Volunteer at the kids school twice a week. Get together with friends for lunch or a pedicure or a hike.

The life of the leisure class!

[Anonymous]

If you don't want to hear the answer don't ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want to hear the answer don't ask.

I didn't ask anything. NP here just astounded at this luxurious existence. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to consolidate your son's schedule. 1) He's cranky because it's not appropriate and 2) you can't leave the house because he's taking naps all day. You say this works for you, but then you come here asking for schedule advice.

It really needs to be something more like

7 am wake
930/10: Nap
130/2: Nap
630/7: Bedtime.

Once he's on an appropriate schedule he should be a lot happier and you can leave the house.

Op here: we tried this for a week but it didn't work for him. He woke up at 2-3 am every night screaming. I have talked to his pediatrician and she's ok with his 8 -9 hour overnight schedule. She says not every baby can sleep 12 hours straight. If you add his overnight + morning dreamfeed it's 12 hours. I actually think he's getting too much sleep during the day but I think he needs it. His grumpy otherwise. Maybe I just need to accept my baby is on a different schedule and work around it. I'm going to take him to the gym in the afternoon. Most of the time I read a book in the cafe area instead of working out. I need some me time for an hour or so to calm my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to consolidate your son's schedule. 1) He's cranky because it's not appropriate and 2) you can't leave the house because he's taking naps all day. You say this works for you, but then you come here asking for schedule advice.

It really needs to be something more like

7 am wake
930/10: Nap
130/2: Nap
630/7: Bedtime.

Once he's on an appropriate schedule he should be a lot happier and you can leave the house.

Op here: we tried this for a week but it didn't work for him. He woke up at 2-3 am every night screaming. I have talked to his pediatrician and she's ok with his 8 -9 hour overnight schedule. She says not every baby can sleep 12 hours straight. If you add his overnight + morning dreamfeed it's 12 hours. I actually think he's getting too much sleep during the day but I think he needs it. His grumpy otherwise. Maybe I just need to accept my baby is on a different schedule and work around it. I'm going to take him to the gym in the afternoon. Most of the time I read a book in the cafe area instead of working out. I need some me time for an hour or so to calm my mind.

OP, people aren't saying that he should be sleeping 12 hours at night. People are saying that 10pm-10am is ridiculous and unsustainable and causing most of your problems. Maybe it'll be helpful if YOU say again what you think your troubles are....? Because your original post sounded like a plea, but now you're defending yourself. So, what is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to consolidate your son's schedule. 1) He's cranky because it's not appropriate and 2) you can't leave the house because he's taking naps all day. You say this works for you, but then you come here asking for schedule advice.

It really needs to be something more like

7 am wake
930/10: Nap
130/2: Nap
630/7: Bedtime.

Once he's on an appropriate schedule he should be a lot happier and you can leave the house.

Op here: we tried this for a week but it didn't work for him. He woke up at 2-3 am every night screaming. I have talked to his pediatrician and she's ok with his 8 -9 hour overnight schedule. She says not every baby can sleep 12 hours straight. If you add his overnight + morning dreamfeed it's 12 hours. I actually think he's getting too much sleep during the day but I think he needs it. His grumpy otherwise. Maybe I just need to accept my baby is on a different schedule and work around it. I'm going to take him to the gym in the afternoon. Most of the time I read a book in the cafe area instead of working out. I need some me time for an hour or so to calm my mind.

OP, people aren't saying that he should be sleeping 12 hours at night. People are saying that 10pm-10am is ridiculous and unsustainable and causing most of your problems. Maybe it'll be helpful if YOU say again what you think your troubles are....? Because your original post sounded like a plea, but now you're defending yourself. So, what is it?

Are you always like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

Not being snarky or judgmental, just curious - now that your kids are out of the house (or nearly, in the case of the HSer), what do you do all day? I agree with everything you said about the cleaning lady - I love a clean house and I hate cleaning! So if I were a SAHM I'd hate having to do chores and I'd probably want to outsource them too. But - what do you do?!

Someone else replied on my behalf before.
I volunteer quite a bit, run the house (yes, cleaning lady and the yard person needs direction), cook, meet up with friends, pursue hobbies - painting, sculpting, host people, manage our money and different properties, relax, socialize, spend time with my husband, travel, help out family and friends etc. I have also aged in the 20 years since I have had kids, and of all the things I would like to do - housework is not something that I am interested in. I did not stay home to clean-up. I stayed home to be with my kids, after making enough to retire young. I am not particularly materialistic, so I forgo "things" in lieu of "help".

[Anonymous]

Wow, how much did you make 20 years ago that you were able to retire so young?

I "retired" at 31 when I had my first kid but that was thanks to my trust fund. I felt safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

Not being snarky or judgmental, just curious - now that your kids are out of the house (or nearly, in the case of the HSer), what do you do all day? I agree with everything you said about the cleaning lady - I love a clean house and I hate cleaning! So if I were a SAHM I'd hate having to do chores and I'd probably want to outsource them too. But - what do you do?!

Someone else replied on my behalf before.
I volunteer quite a bit, run the house (yes, cleaning lady and the yard person needs direction), cook, meet up with friends, pursue hobbies - painting, sculpting, host people, manage our money and different properties, relax, socialize, spend time with my husband, travel, help out family and friends etc. I have also aged in the 20 years since I have had kids, and of all the things I would like to do - housework is not something that I am interested in. I did not stay home to clean-up. I stayed home to be with my kids, after making enough to retire young. I am not particularly materialistic, so I forgo "things" in lieu of "help".

Why do these sahm posts always turn into wars? Op came here asking for advice and she's gets lots of sahms bragging about having tons of help.

[Anonymous]

SAHMs have a lot of time at hand!

My wife is a superwoman- balancing 2 kids and a full time job, with just a house-cleaner coming in 2x a week. She showed me this thread and told me not to be snarky but sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please give me tips! I'm staying home with my difficult 9 month old and I feel like I get nothing done. I want to start going to the gym for an hour every day. I finally found a childcare provider who is good with him. My son wakes up at 6 am and then goes back to sleep until 10 am. Most of the baby classes are all starting around this time so I haven't been going.

You are a stay at home mom and you have childcare? Are you kidding me?

Not OP, I am a SAHM have a nanny and housekeeper. Your head must be exploding. My DH travels for work and I need time for me. If you WOH you get the chance to take a lunch break and have alone time when you are commuting. Don't judge, your life is not anyone else's.

I used to feel the way you do when I was a SAHM. Then I went back to work. I now spend my commute to and from work on the phone making dr appointments, fixing insurance crap, etc. I eat lunch at my desk while I'm working, so I can leave a little early to get to the store (maybe) and get home in time to pick up my kids from their after school activities, take them to soccer or whatever if they have it, somehow figuring out when I'm going to cook dinner and what time we might have it. When we finally get home, we eat, they do homework while I clean the kitchen, pack lunches, get showers, get ready for the next day, gets kids in bed, pay bills, do laundry... maybe fall in bed by 11pm.

So, no, I don't have alone time that is in any way ALONE. I've never worked harder than I do now as a working mother. You are clueless. And you will continue to be until you have been a working mother WITHOUT a nanny or housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs have a lot of time at hand!

My wife is a superwoman- balancing 2 kids and a full time job, with just a house-cleaner coming in 2x a week. She showed me this thread and told me not to be snarky but sorry.

So superwoman wastes time reading DCUM while at work- and you also have the free time to check out internet threads about SAHM?

How odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM now and I have never trusted anyone except my DH and my mom to look after my children. Especially when I was a WOHM. What does it tell you? Nothing, except I found it difficult to trust people with childcare.

Now I am a SAHM with two out of the nest and one in HS. I have a cleaning lady, twice a week as well as a lawn maintainence person. I have had them since before my kids were born - so more than 20 years. They have been with us when I was having my babies and when I was WOH. I realized very early that instead of paying for therapy, I can pay for the cleaning person and I will be much happier in life. We are middle class for DC, and I am happy that I have good help and I have managed to retain them with excellent pay.

Having a babysitter, a nanny, a chauffeur, a cook, a personal trainer, a maid is nothing to be defensive about - regardless of if you are a SAHM or a WOHM. You are actually helping the economy and you obviously have the money to afford this. What is bad is not paying these people fair wages or treating them with disrespect. (This also applies to people who do not pay contractors).

I love the luxury and peace of mind of having a domestic staff. An absolutely clean and well maintained house is my thing and priority. Some people like to spend their money on vacations and going out to eat or on spas. I on the other hand like to have a well organized and clean house and yard. DH and I host often, we have a thriving social life, my HS has friends over for projects and such. All this is possible for me only because I have help.

I am not a superwoman. Being the super-mom is tiring and fruitless. I am however able to have a clean house, relaxed and peaceful atmosphere at home, no fights within the family, no resentments, ability of the family members to have hobbies, friends, or socialize - because someone else helps me out. I am grateful that I have that luxury. My cleaning lady does more for the happiness of my entire family and frees us up to do the things we want to do, than any other relative or friend. She is appreciated and she is rewarded.

If my post makes anyone go ballistic - oh well!

Not being snarky or judgmental, just curious - now that your kids are out of the house (or nearly, in the case of the HSer), what do you do all day? I agree with everything you said about the cleaning lady - I love a clean house and I hate cleaning! So if I were a SAHM I'd hate having to do chores and I'd probably want to outsource them too. But - what do you do?!

Someone else replied on my behalf before.
I volunteer quite a bit, run the house (yes, cleaning lady and the yard person needs direction), cook, meet up with friends, pursue hobbies - painting, sculpting, host people, manage our money and different properties, relax, socialize, spend time with my husband, travel, help out family and friends etc. I have also aged in the 20 years since I have had kids, and of all the things I would like to do - housework is not something that I am interested in. I did not stay home to clean-up. I stayed home to be with my kids, after making enough to retire young. I am not particularly materialistic, so I forgo "things" in lieu of "help".

Why do these sahm posts always turn into wars? Op came here asking for advice and she's gets lots of sahms bragging about having tons of help.

x a billion. I'm a SAHM and I have a lot of questions about schedules and time management, etc etc but I feel like I can't ask without being attacked or having my thread high jacked.

[Anonymous]

My SIL attacked me for being a SAHM at a family function. Then lamented that I have help. Then bitched that she hates her job and does not have the luxury (like I had) to leave it because they need the money.

What can I do or say to make it better for her?