Brother came out as gay today!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get out? Not about you. He can do what he wants. When he wants. How he wants. I don't blame him.

Naah I need to get out of this crazy shithole. I love my big brother! I hate his guts and "shownanship" and dont know why he had to do it in front of the entire clan but I still love him. College is giving him wings....

It wasn't even "showmanship" - it was rude to do in front of your parents on a highly stressful day for all. He should have done it privately after. No one really wants to hear about someone's sex life at the Thanksgiving dinner table. He was inconsiderate of your parents' feelings and you should give your parents some support during this difficult time for them.

Saying you're gay is not describing your "sex life". Are you also against someone saying they are dating a new girlfriend in front of people? Is that too much of a description about their sex life for you...lol.

[Anonymous]

He's gay, not dying of terminal cancer. It doesn't "need" to be with close family first. Sure in some cases it can help, but there are also some families where doing so would probably make the situation even worse. Hard to say looking in from the outside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old brother came out as gay at the thanksgiving lunch table with 33 people family extended family in the room, no advance warning. Now my mom (heart of indiana, devout, religious) is crying and my east coast cousins are cheering him on for being "brave". I need to get out of here....

Selfish jerk. He owed it to his mom to tell her before hand, and give her some time to process this.

+1

From a gay person.

Why does he owe his mother anything regarding his sexuality?

NP here. She raised and cared for him. The least he can do it not spring major news at her over the holiday table in front of everyone. He knows very well that she's a die-hard conservative and that it will be difficult to process. Why make her do it there in front of the entire clan? The least he can do is give her a week, or at least a couple of days, heads-up on the news so that she can prepare for how to react in front of her family. She may initially be very shocked and unsupportive but given some time will be very supportive. Instead this is like a public Punk'ed episode to see how she'll react. No good to do to someone who bore and raised you. It's rude and has nothing to do with his sexuality, but just giving her courtesy before he drops a bombshell on the family.

This sounds like projection to me. I think he must have done it purely for self-preservation and protection. He's the one opening himself up to his family's prejudices and possible bad treatment.

Self preservation would be to tell parents over the phone, and be ready to hang up and let them process for a couple of hours, and then call again to let the news slowly sink in.
Not dumping it on them without warning in front of an audience at a holiday meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old brother came out as gay at the thanksgiving lunch table with 33 people family extended family in the room, no advance warning. Now my mom (heart of indiana, devout, religious) is crying and my east coast cousins are cheering him on for being "brave". I need to get out of here....

Selfish jerk. He owed it to his mom to tell her before hand, and give her some time to process this.

+1

From a gay person.

Why does he owe his mother anything regarding his sexuality?

NP here. She raised and cared for him. The least he can do it not spring major news at her over the holiday table in front of everyone. He knows very well that she's a die-hard conservative and that it will be difficult to process. Why make her do it there in front of the entire clan? The least he can do is give her a week, or at least a couple of days, heads-up on the news so that she can prepare for how to react in front of her family. She may initially be very shocked and unsupportive but given some time will be very supportive. Instead this is like a public Punk'ed episode to see how she'll react. No good to do to someone who bore and raised you. It's rude and has nothing to do with his sexuality, but just giving her courtesy before he drops a bombshell on the family.

This sounds like projection to me. I think he must have done it purely for self-preservation and protection. He's the one opening himself up to his family's prejudices and possible bad treatment.

Self preservation would be to tell parents over the phone, and be ready to hang up and let them process for a couple of hours, and then call again to let the news slowly sink in.
Not dumping it on them without warning in front of an audience at a holiday meal.

I think you owe it to them to tell them in person. like it or not, gay people still face a lot of discrimination. Saying that you are gay to a parents changes the whole trajectory of the life they had envisioned for you. It means that you probably won't be accepted in the same way, get to have the same "happy perfect family" narrative, etc etc etc. It's a big deal.

As a gay person, I think you owe it to your parent to tell them in private and give them the time to receive and process that news on their own. I think it shows a distinct lack of compassion to tell it in front of a huge group.

[Anonymous]

My theory -- OP's brother knew this news would be met with tears and resistance and derision and he chose to dump it on them all at once just to get it over with. I don't blame him.

It sucks that coming out is something your family reacts to in horror. And it sucks that people think that's ok when it's about being gay.

If OP's brother had announced "I'm dating a person of a different race!" and her family reacted the same way, I bet DCUM wouldn't be condemning HIM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My theory -- OP's brother knew this news would be met with tears and resistance and derision and he chose to dump it on them all at once just to get it over with. I don't blame him.

It sucks that coming out is something your family reacts to in horror. And it sucks that people think that's ok when it's about being gay.

If OP's brother had announced "I'm dating a person of a different race!" and her family reacted the same way, I bet DCUM wouldn't be condemning HIM.

My opinion...
Holidays are inherently stressful - his mom was hosting 32 people. For many, this would already be hard. Is the food going to taste good? Will it done on time? Are Bob and Larry going to fight about xyz. Is Pat going to drink to much? Will Tina bring her dog even though we have old her not to? Who us going to suddenly be vegan, or allergic to eggs, or whatever odd dietary restrictions no one mentioned until the day of...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory -- OP's brother knew this news would be met with tears and resistance and derision and he chose to dump it on them all at once just to get it over with. I don't blame him.

It sucks that coming out is something your family reacts to in horror. And it sucks that people think that's ok when it's about being gay.

If OP's brother had announced "I'm dating a person of a different race!" and her family reacted the same way, I bet DCUM wouldn't be condemning HIM.

My opinion...
Holidays are inherently stressful - his mom was hosting 32 people. For many, this would already be hard. Is the food going to taste good? Will it done on time? Are Bob and Larry going to fight about xyz. Is Pat going to drink to much? Will Tina bring her dog even though we have old her not to? Who us going to suddenly be vegan, or allergic to eggs, or whatever odd dietary restrictions no one mentioned until the day of...

Yes, it was horribly rude of him. It is not a dinner subject matter. If he wants to make such an announcement, do it to parents first privately. This was "in your face" and done to inflict pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory -- OP's brother knew this news would be met with tears and resistance and derision and he chose to dump it on them all at once just to get it over with. I don't blame him.

It sucks that coming out is something your family reacts to in horror. And it sucks that people think that's ok when it's about being gay.

If OP's brother had announced "I'm dating a person of a different race!" and her family reacted the same way, I bet DCUM wouldn't be condemning HIM.

My opinion...
Holidays are inherently stressful - his mom was hosting 32 people. For many, this would already be hard. Is the food going to taste good? Will it done on time? Are Bob and Larry going to fight about xyz. Is Pat going to drink to much? Will Tina bring her dog even though we have old her not to? Who us going to suddenly be vegan, or allergic to eggs, or whatever odd dietary restrictions no one mentioned until the day of...

And this matters more than "Oh, by the way, this is who I am and I'd like you to love me still"?

Give me a freaking break.