MIL and her "alone time" with DH

[Anonymous]

If MIL wanted to spend 4 hours alone with her grown daughter that would probably not be an issue at all. They would have a "girls' day out" - get their nails done, do some shopping, have lunch. And everyone on DCUM would be up for that.

But a MIL wanting to spend some alone time with the son that she loved and raised is somehow viewed as a lack of respect to the DIL.

Come one. Let mom spend some alone time with her son.

[Anonymous]

I am a DIL, and I find OP really a drama-llama. I always let DH visit with his parents alone and join them for some time only, he does the same with my side of the family.

[Anonymous]

I wish DH and his mom would have some one-on-one time! Just from your first post, I would be happy as long as they left you the car. From your follow up post, I agree that you have a DH issue.

We don't see MIL often- maybe once a year. I think she'd like some alone time with her son; they can either take the kids or not, but DH says that being alone with his mom and the kids is like watching 3 kids (4 if her boyfriend comes) and he prefers not to. When my parents come to visit, he's perfectly fine for me to hang out with them for an evening without him.

[Anonymous]

So which is it OP, she wants to spend every single minute alone with DH or she wants 4 hours alone during your visit?

[Anonymous]

Just keep the car, OP. Drop him off. It's not your problem if his mom doesn't like to use her car. Since you don't know your way around the area, use one of the many apps that find places with things to do, and use GPS to find your way.

Big drama over nothing. As usual.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This is the only trip we take basically and my son never sees his dad because of work etc. DH has a very demanding schedule and works most weekends. My son lives to be with him when he can. My MIL is very controlling and everything is her way or no way. I am not controlling and my husband has many hobbies and gets free time when he isn't working anytime he would like. I don't restrict him from doing anything. At home I'm basically a single mom so trips together are special. His mother has no respect for our family and us wanting to do things as a family with her included. She can come visit anytime as finances are far from an issue for her and she doesn't work so between her life of going on lavish trips around the world (as she should. I'm not shaming her for that at all), she could come visit and get her alone time. But instead she demands us to come to her but doesn't like us to really be with her but an hour a day except for her alone time with DH. My son has no clue who she is. It's sad but anyways I hate the alone time thing when we are on trips. DH said he would talk to her about leaving me the car. The hotel doesn't have an indoor pool but a restaurant. My 3 yo in a restaurant leaves much to be desired. I'm sure we can uber to a park if DH has the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If MIL wanted to spend 4 hours alone with her grown daughter that would probably not be an issue at all. They would have a "girls' day out" - get their nails done, do some shopping, have lunch. And everyone on DCUM would be up for that.

But a MIL wanting to spend some alone time with the son that she loved and raised is somehow viewed as a lack of respect to the DIL.

Come one. Let mom spend some alone time with her son.

Exactly. I'm one of the first ones that said I see nothing wrong with a mother wanting to spend alone time with child (son or daughter). OP sounds insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here... my MIL is crazy and my husband absolutely won't stand up to her. I feel excluded and sad for my child. When I plan outings for the family when she visits she always changes the plans so it's just her and my husband and me and my son excluded. My mother doesn't do this with my siblings and their spouses. I don't know the area well where she lives and it's totally suburban and nothing within walking distance and she insists my son drive in case they won't to go somewhere because god forbid he should drive her car. She makes no effort to spend time w me or my son. I'm dreading thanksgiving and her alone time while I take my son on a walk around suburbia for 4 hours. She is selfish and I'm glad others think this is strange too. My husband for some odd reason is utterly terrified of his mother and would never disobey her. She would DIE if he showed up w our child as our son is relegated to the kitchen only of her house and backyard not the front.

You might have given us this context to start with!

In your particular case, it sounds like you and DS should stop visiting MIL. DH can go solo a couple times a year. You need to pull way, way back.

And possibly get DH ago marriage counseling if he can't "see" how crazy his mom is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... my MIL is crazy and my husband absolutely won't stand up to her. I feel excluded and sad for my child. When I plan outings for the family when she visits she always changes the plans so it's just her and my husband and me and my son excluded. My mother doesn't do this with my siblings and their spouses. I don't know the area well where she lives and it's totally suburban and nothing within walking distance and she insists my son drive in case they won't to go somewhere because god forbid he should drive her car. She makes no effort to spend time w me or my son. I'm dreading thanksgiving and her alone time while I take my son on a walk around suburbia for 4 hours. She is selfish and I'm glad others think this is strange too. My husband for some odd reason is utterly terrified of his mother and would never disobey her. She would DIE if he showed up w our child as our son is relegated to the kitchen only of her house and backyard not the front.

You might have given us this context to start with!

In your particular case, it sounds like you and DS should stop visiting MIL. DH can go solo a couple times a year. You need to pull way, way back.

And possibly get DH ago marriage counseling if he can't "see" how crazy his mom is.

This is just one side of the story though. What makes you think she is crazy?

[Anonymous]

Leave and cleave. Read the Torah. This is weird.

[Anonymous]

So your husband is a problem year-round, in his not wanting to spend time with you or his child, and having everything his own way, but you choose to focus on the yearly visit to his mother? Maybe he and his mother are both controlling people who put their needs first. They're not going to change it up during their yearly visit. It sounds like you have some work to do with your husband. This isn't about "four hours with Mom." This is 365 days a year of your unhappiness coming out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here... my MIL is crazy and my husband absolutely won't stand up to her. I feel excluded and sad for my child. When I plan outings for the family when she visits she always changes the plans so it's just her and my husband and me and my son excluded. My mother doesn't do this with my siblings and their spouses. I don't know the area well where she lives and it's totally suburban and nothing within walking distance and she insists my son drive in case they won't to go somewhere because god forbid he should drive her car. She makes no effort to spend time w me or my son. I'm dreading thanksgiving and her alone time while I take my son on a walk around suburbia for 4 hours. She is selfish and I'm glad others think this is strange too. My husband for some odd reason is utterly terrified of his mother and would never disobey her. She would DIE if he showed up w our child as our son is relegated to the kitchen only of her house and backyard not the front.

You might have given us this context to start with!

In your particular case, it sounds like you and DS should stop visiting MIL. DH can go solo a couple times a year. You need to pull way, way back.

And possibly get DH ago marriage counseling if he can't "see" how crazy his mom is.

Yeah, you should stop going for visits, Op. This year give your MIL round trip tickets and an overnight stay in a nice hotel in your area for Christmas. There - she gets her "alone" time with her son. And you are then free to spend your annual leave on a family trip - just the 3 of you.

[Anonymous]

I say my MIL is crazy because she doesn't allow my child anywhere but the kitchen and backyard. I think that's insane sorry. Her home has nice things but isn't a museum and I would watch my child like a hawk in her home but she doesn't care- kitchen and back yard only. Thanksgiving dinner is at a restaurant so children don't cause too much commotion in her huge home.

DH has to work the hours he works to take care of our family financially. I'm in the process of finding a new job but trust me he'd rather be with his family than work. He hates his required hours but for now it's his job. We live modestly in a tiny apt. Hence why this is pretty much the only trip we can afford every year. And for this to be our one trip this year I'd prefer if she spent time with all of us not just my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say my MIL is crazy because she doesn't allow my child anywhere but the kitchen and backyard. I think that's insane sorry. Her home has nice things but isn't a museum and I would watch my child like a hawk in her home but she doesn't care- kitchen and back yard only. Thanksgiving dinner is at a restaurant so children don't cause too much commotion in her huge home.

DH has to work the hours he works to take care of our family financially. I'm in the process of finding a new job but trust me he'd rather be with his family than work. He hates his required hours but for now it's his job. We live modestly in a tiny apt. Hence why this is pretty much the only trip we can afford every year. And for this to be our one trip this year I'd prefer if she spent time with all of us not just my husband.

Ugh, she's treating your child like a dog. If you don't want to bother putting the breakables up while the the little ones visit then you have no business inviting them to your house. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 minutes or a half hour of drinking a cup of tea together, I could understand. FOUR HOURS???? Are you kidding me? I don't get four hours alone with my husband unless we are sleeping. They are not dating.

You see your husband daily. She sees her son once per year and you begrudge her 4 hours of time?

If you don't get to see your husband for 4 hours at a time at home, then you have a different problem--scheduling. Spouses should schedule some date nights scattered around. I know we're bad about this as we only get a date night about once a quarter, but still, it's definitely more than once per year when we each see our mothers.