Does anyone have any experience in naming the other woman in the divorce proceedings?

[Anonymous]

OP, I really think you have to get off this thread. You don't have to answer to these nimrods who continue to give you bad advice.

Remember, you hold the cards, here. Be smart and savvy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, destroy the reputation and career of your children's father in a vindictive manner. That's definitely in their best interest.

Honest question. In 2016, how does having a child outside your marriage permanently ruin a persons professional and personal reputation.? I mean, it's not uncommon. People don't expect it, but people are so jaded now that they just shrug and say, hmm. Ok

[Anonymous]

Having a child outside of marriage is different than having a child as a result of infidelity. One is getting accepted, the other shows a serious lack of judgement and lack of respect for someone to whom you have pledged your love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a child outside of marriage is different than having a child as a result of infidelity. One is getting accepted, the other shows a serious lack of judgement and lack of respect for someone to whom you have pledged your love.

How is the average person who comes across the child going to know their origin? Are you going to brand them with a scarlet "A"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having a child outside of marriage is different than having a child as a result of infidelity. One is getting accepted, the other shows a serious lack of judgement and lack of respect for someone to whom you have pledged your love.

How is the average person who comes across the child going to know their origin? Are you going to brand them with a scarlet "A"?

The child has nothing to do with this. It's the parents that screwed up. One of the bad things about fathering a child outside of your marriage is understanding that you are permanently disadvantaging this child at the moment of his or her conception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My exSIL filed for divorce based on adultery to speed to process along. This was in Maryland, which I believe has a one year mandated separation period for no-fault divorce. She wanted it to happen faster. But I can't recall if she had to name the other woman.

There is no longer a waiting period if there are no kids involved and the judges do not care about "the other women" anymore.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. I am the OP from the thread "My husband had a baby with his assistant". I can relate. My divorce will be final January 1st. Good luck with getting the best settlement you possibly can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, destroy the reputation and career of your children's father in a vindictive manner. That's definitely in their best interest.

Honest question. In 2016, how does having a child outside your marriage permanently ruin a persons professional and personal reputation.? I mean, it's not uncommon. People don't expect it, but people are so jaded now that they just shrug and say, hmm. Ok

Appatently didn't hurt Peter Orszag, former OMB Director under Obama who had baby mama drama with three different women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't get sole. I've seen guys abusive to their wife and kids get 50/50 in FxCo. You'll need to prove he is more harm than good to his children. Proof of adultery is not going to meet that burden.

As an aside, it sounds like you're blackmailing him and using your children as pawns. Step back and think about what's best for your children.

Actually I'm not; I am committed to making sure he spends as much time as possible with the children. As for what is best for my children, it's a) financial security, and b) having a sane parent be in control of decisions that shape their life.

He's not sane?! As long as you can prove that, you may get something closer to sole. I'd guess you're not willing to go all out on that.

Even if he signs the papers, it has to be approved by a judge. You can't write a contract to cover custody agreements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't get sole. I've seen guys abusive to their wife and kids get 50/50 in FxCo. You'll need to prove he is more harm than good to his children. Proof of adultery is not going to meet that burden.

As an aside, it sounds like you're blackmailing him and using your children as pawns. Step back and think about what's best for your children.

Actually I'm not; I am committed to making sure he spends as much time as possible with the children. As for what is best for my children, it's a) financial security, and b) having a sane parent be in control of decisions that shape their life.

He's not sane?! As long as you can prove that, you may get something closer to sole. I'd guess you're not willing to go all out on that.

Even if he signs the papers, it has to be approved by a judge. You can't write a contract to cover custody agreements.

You can certainly put custody arrangements in a divorce or separation agreement. If the parties agree before bringing it to the judge, no judge is going to against that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't get sole. I've seen guys abusive to their wife and kids get 50/50 in FxCo. You'll need to prove he is more harm than good to his children. Proof of adultery is not going to meet that burden.

As an aside, it sounds like you're blackmailing him and using your children as pawns. Step back and think about what's best for your children.

Actually I'm not; I am committed to making sure he spends as much time as possible with the children. As for what is best for my children, it's a) financial security, and b) having a sane parent be in control of decisions that shape their life.

He's not sane?! As long as you can prove that, you may get something closer to sole. I'd guess you're not willing to go all out on that.

Even if he signs the papers, it has to be approved by a judge. You can't write a contract to cover custody agreements.

You can certainly put custody arrangements in a divorce or separation agreement. If the parties agree before bringing it to the judge, no judge is going to against that.

They absolutely will change it. I suspect one mention of blackmail and he OP will lose any chance of sole legal. What she's doing is illegal, and morally wrong.

[Anonymous]

One of the PPs here.

Anyone reading this thread should know that infidelity does not change your spouse's relationship with the child. You decided to have children with their person. That's a commitment you have to follow through on if the other parent isn't a danger to their chil(den). I understand you're angry. I understand you think you're owed something for being wronged in such a way. In 10 years, you'll wonder why you ever thought such bs. No one owes you anything. The courts don't care about your hurt feelings.

Make a plan to parent together that benefits your children. Your spouse is just as much their parent as you. When you separate, it's time to be mature. The parents who did this years ago see it more clearly after the anger wears off. You have to parent together for the rest of your lives. It's time to put your feelings aside and move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the PPs here.

Anyone reading this thread should know that infidelity does not change your spouse's relationship with the child. You decided to have children with their person. That's a commitment you have to follow through on if the other parent isn't a danger to their chil(den). I understand you're angry. I understand you think you're owed something for being wronged in such a way. In 10 years, you'll wonder why you ever thought such bs. No one owes you anything. The courts don't care about your hurt feelings.

Make a plan to parent together that benefits your children. Your spouse is just as much their parent as you. When you separate, it's time to be mature. The parents who did this years ago see it more clearly after the anger wears off. You have to parent together for the rest of your lives. It's time to put your feelings aside and move forward.

Go lecture your own children, will ya? No one here needs you to tell them what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won't get sole. I've seen guys abusive to their wife and kids get 50/50 in FxCo. You'll need to prove he is more harm than good to his children. Proof of adultery is not going to meet that burden.

As an aside, it sounds like you're blackmailing him and using your children as pawns. Step back and think about what's best for your children.

Actually I'm not; I am committed to making sure he spends as much time as possible with the children. As for what is best for my children, it's a) financial security, and b) having a sane parent be in control of decisions that shape their life.

He's not sane?! As long as you can prove that, you may get something closer to sole. I'd guess you're not willing to go all out on that.

Even if he signs the papers, it has to be approved by a judge. You can't write a contract to cover custody agreements.

You can certainly put custody arrangements in a divorce or separation agreement. If the parties agree before bringing it to the judge, no judge is going to against that.

They absolutely will change it. I suspect one mention of blackmail and he OP will lose any chance of sole legal. What she's doing is illegal, and morally wrong.

It's not illegal to file for divorce on grounds of adultery, and it's not illegal to name co-respondents. These are legal strategies people use all the time to their advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you want to blackmail your husband in order to prevent the court from ordering what's best for your children, which in most cases is joint custody?

Hopefully he has enough balls to fight back.

I will allow liberal visitation in exchange for sole legal custody. He has routinely brought my children into another woman's house so that "siblings could have a relationship", unbeknownst to me. This means he has placed the children into an unhealthy moral environment, allowing them to witness his adulterous behavior, and making them keep a secret from their mother. I don't think this will endear him to the judge...

The judge will not care.

You think a father who makes a six-year old lie to cover for him could possibly be a good parent? A benevolent influence?

It doesn't matter what I think. I know how judges think both from working in the legal field and from my own experience. Unless your DH was snorting coke off her naked body in front of the kids, it won't make much difference to a family court judge.

Hey there, I'm the guy who talks constantly about snorting coke off of strippers' asses in threads like this.

I approve of your thought process.

Seriously, though, if OP convinces the husband to sign a lop-sided custody agreement, wouldn't the judge almost have to agree to it, or is s/he able to say something like "Nope, not in the best interest of the children. Try again!"

I had thought that most judges liked having a signed and notarized agreement, thus making it easier to grant the divorce?