Does anyone have any experience in naming the other woman in the divorce proceedings?

[Anonymous]

I am contemplating filing for divorce. I have proof of adultery (birth certificate that names DH as a father for a child he had with the other woman). If you've gone through a divorce based on adultery, is there any negotiating power that comes from threatening to bring the other woman in? She and DH come from a culture that prizes privacy and hates embarrassment in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She and DH come from a culture that prizes privacy and hates embarrassment in public.

So, your basic strategy is blackmail? Sheesh ...

You do realize that a woman can write whatever she wants on the birth certificate paperwork, right? And then the man has to affirmatively disprove (e.g., DNA) that he is not the father.

[Anonymous]

Good for you. I don't have anything to offer other than my support.

[Anonymous]

My exSIL filed for divorce based on adultery to speed to process along. This was in Maryland, which I believe has a one year mandated separation period for no-fault divorce. She wanted it to happen faster. But I can't recall if she had to name the other woman.

[Anonymous]

What state? The only benefit I can se is in some states - in Maryland with proof of adultery, the waiting period for divorce is not as long. In VA there may - may - be some level of benefits for you in terms of custody/alimony.

But these are legal strategies and you should consult a lawyer. The level of roof you have may not be enough, it may have no positive benefit to you, etc. you need legal advice.

Find some money and go have a legal consult or two. Learn what's likely to happen and how to best make it happen. You may not want this to be a contentious divorce at all, you might learn you want to avoid court altogether and negotiate this out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She and DH come from a culture that prizes privacy and hates embarrassment in public.

So, your basic strategy is blackmail? Sheesh ...

You do realize that a woman can write whatever she wants on the birth certificate paperwork, right? And then the man has to affirmatively disprove (e.g., DNA) that he is not the father.

He admitted it and maintains contact with the child. His paternity is not in question. The child has his last name.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP. Just the threat of naming her was enough to get my ex to sign the papers I presented him with. Now, they were very fair papers. 50/50 on everything except, I wanted more control of custody and visitation. I got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP. Just the threat of naming her was enough to get my ex to sign the papers I presented him with. Now, they were very fair papers. 50/50 on everything except, I wanted more control of custody and visitation. I got it.

That's the sort of effect I'm looking for. I want sole custody, transferring the house to my name only, child support and full waiver of his claims to any of my assets. I'm the breadwinner. In exchange for this, I could offer liberal visitation and preserving his good name, which is important to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP. Just the threat of naming her was enough to get my ex to sign the papers I presented him with. Now, they were very fair papers. 50/50 on everything except, I wanted more control of custody and visitation. I got it.

That's the sort of effect I'm looking for. I want sole custody, transferring the house to my name only, child support and full waiver of his claims to any of my assets. I'm the breadwinner. In exchange for this, I could offer liberal visitation and preserving his good name, which is important to him.

Good luck with that - sole custody? Unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What state? The only benefit I can se is in some states - in Maryland with proof of adultery, the waiting period for divorce is not as long. In VA there may - may - be some level of benefits for you in terms of custody/alimony.

But these are legal strategies and you should consult a lawyer. The level of roof you have may not be enough, it may have no positive benefit to you, etc. you need legal advice.

Find some money and go have a legal consult or two. Learn what's likely to happen and how to best make it happen. You may not want this to be a contentious divorce at all, you might learn you want to avoid court altogether and negotiate this out.

This is in VA. Yes, I am planning to talk to counsel next week. I don't want a contentious divorce but I want to arm myself with every possible strategy to secure myself and my children financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP. Just the threat of naming her was enough to get my ex to sign the papers I presented him with. Now, they were very fair papers. 50/50 on everything except, I wanted more control of custody and visitation. I got it.

That's the sort of effect I'm looking for. I want sole custody, transferring the house to my name only, child support and full waiver of his claims to any of my assets. I'm the breadwinner. In exchange for this, I could offer liberal visitation and preserving his good name, which is important to him.

Good luck with that - sole custody? Unlikely.

I know it's unlikely but none of them want publicity. It will literally be ruinous for them. The bet is that he will agree to it to avoid a shitbath.

[Anonymous]

"I have proof of adultery (birth certificate that names DH as a father for a child he had with the other woman)."

Yeah, that's a good sign! Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She and DH come from a culture that prizes privacy and hates embarrassment in public.

So, your basic strategy is blackmail? Sheesh ...

You do realize that a woman can write whatever she wants on the birth certificate paperwork, right? And then the man has to affirmatively disprove (e.g., DNA) that he is not the father.

So let her or him prove it.

I'm not usually for vilifying the OW/AP but they brought this on themselves. They didn't have to write anything onto the birth certificate.

Name her, shame her, get DNA results if needed and get your damned money OP.

[Anonymous]

So you want to blackmail your husband in order to prevent the court from ordering what's best for your children, which in most cases is joint custody?

Hopefully he has enough balls to fight back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She and DH come from a culture that prizes privacy and hates embarrassment in public.

So, your basic strategy is blackmail? Sheesh ...

You do realize that a woman can write whatever she wants on the birth certificate paperwork, right? And then the man has to affirmatively disprove (e.g., DNA) that he is not the father.

So let her or him prove it.

I'm not usually for vilifying the OW/AP but they brought this on themselves. They didn't have to write anything onto the birth certificate.

Name her, shame her, get DNA results if needed and get your damned money OP.

OP is the breadwinner, not getting money.