My husband is never available to help with baby care
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Welcome to Motherhood. No one said it would be easy or your husband would help. My advice ?
Don't have anymore. |
Anonymous
I also agree. And he is a TA teaching 1-2 classes and your income isn't necessary? |
Anonymous
|
OP - Baby may not have met seating milestone because she has been held so much. She also has set the tone on what she wants and when she wants it. I do think that you all need to find a way to have a break from one another. If your husband could find a place to work on his research some of the days when he is on campus for his class during the timeframe DD is most likely to nap, that would give both of you a break. It is going to be hard at 8 months, but you do need to establish a system for going to nap and sleeping in the crib and just put up with a few hard days/nights. Consult your pediatrician or the nurse on how long you should wait on starting the routine after getting the helmet going. Certainly within this schedule of the PhD work and TA responsibilities, your husband does need to find the time that will work best in general with his schedule to parent, too. A typical share of responsibility is often one parent does dinner dishes while the other gives baby the bath, feeds the bottle, read with baby and tucks into bed. Same routine at night with different parents. It is hard, and you need to understand that DB is sensing your anxiety and frustration with life in general and this, too, is impacting setting limits and establishing a routine with DB. Maybe for yourself if there is any sort of a support group for new Moms or Mom's meet-up group that you could go to at times, it would help you to realize you are not alone and get some pointers. There will always be excuses as to why you can't get DD on a better routine - helmet now, teething etc. It sounds like the drop-in center might be an ideal place to try out and just go in with a positive attitude. And maybe you and DH should spring for a college aged sitter every couple of weeks and just go out for a couple of hours to reconnect. |
Anonymous
| OP, Did you have a neurosurgeon rule out craniosynistosis? It’s not likely but can cause I'd head shape and excessive crying and vomiting and you mentioned those so just wondering. |
Anonymous
|
I had a very high-needs first baby. I found he was better if I took him out, he needed constant stimulation. So even if I just walked around the mall or went to the dog park he was thrilled and didn't cry. He also really liked the Bumbo bc he could play with toys. So if your DH isn't able/willing to get out, strap the kid on and get out. He also liked going to parks and watching older kids play.
And to the women who have no sympathy for OP...here's your cookie. You win at life. Sheesh. |
Anonymous
Yeah well, she's complaining about her husband and badmouthing him. SHE wants a cookie and she's not getting it because she's being unfair to him. She has one job. He actually has two, she wants him to have three. Be quiet and do your one job. |
Anonymous
Spoken by someone who had an easy baby. I have an advanced degree. It was easier than staying at home with my aforementioned son. He's still a handful- very academically gifted and has ADHD. But life got so much easier when he could communicate! |
Anonymous
|
OP comes on here saying that 1) she has an extremely challenging baby, 2) she cares for the baby all day every day by herself, and 3) she is depressed. And yet most of you are telling her to just suck it up.
OP, people who have never had challenging babies will never get it. People who have never dealt with depression will never get it. And yes, when it is all piling up, and you are caring for a challenging baby 24 hours a day, and you see your husband sitting in the same room as you, on the computer doing his own thing... resentment is bound to build up. I don't care if your husband works or not, he needs to step up to the plate and be a father, if only for 2 hours per day. He's full of it if he is claiming that he cannot afford 2 hours per day. Communicate with him. Tell him how you feel. Don't make it about his actions, but about your own feelings, and how you are depressed and overwhelmed and need help. Come up with a solution together. |
Anonymous
Bless your heart. |
Anonymous
|
Hr really needs to go work at the library or something. Better for both of you. He won't be interrupted, you won't resent his unhelpful presence or have to be quiet and have him commit to a set time of day with baby to give you a break.
Make sure you are getting good medical care to rule out issues. Go out every day. Shower before your DH starts working and get dressed and ready for day. Go out after morning nap - look at animals at the pet store, go to a Gymboree type class, find a stroller striders class, go to the mall, walk outside and narrate the walk giving your DD leaves and pine cones to touch along the way, visit a little pumpkin patch, go ride a baby swing at the park.., Come home for afternoon nap - will she nap if you hold her? My two kids only took long naps while held or in a swing until they were 9 months old. I would rock in the glider while they fell asleep and then nap myself. After nap, tummy time, play with toys, dance to kid music, have a bath, go for a stroller walk. Then maybe DH comes home and takes over for an hour while you relax. Then baby to bed. |
Anonymous
I'm not sure. There isn't enough in her post for me to tell what their division of labor is, and how this family is supporting themselves and will support themselves next year if this guy doesn't make it on the academic market this year. Yes, a baby is hard, but I wonder from the post if this doctoral student is being asked to never have a block of time to work without interruption. When we were both working full time and writing or dissertations, we tagged teamed. One was on, and one was completely off duty. |
Anonymous
| OP, are you the same poster who posted last month about your 1 bedroom and how your DH wants you to leave the apt so he can work on his PhD work? It sounds similar. |
Anonymous
The OP doesn't live in DC, that was admitted a few pages back. |
Anonymous
No that's not me! Dh actually prefers if we stay home so he can see the baby. |
Anonymous
|