DH's ex wife asked him to accompany her to a work event

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does she really need a date at all?

Seriously. What archaic event is this? She should be able to come alone, or bring a male or female friend, or yeah....just go alone!

Again this.

Does she have no friend or family member closer to her in life that she can bring along? Pathetic if her closest friend is an ex from years ago. And WHY would she need to bring someone. What IS this event!?

I dunno. Shortly after graduating from law school a female friend of mine asked me to be her date to her law firm's annual outing even though she knew that I was seeing someone else. She just really felt that she needed a date. There was really no one else that she could ask. She wanted to marry and have children but she had lived a sheltered life and honestly believed that people didn't have sex before marriage. This was making it hard for her to find a man. My girlfriend (now my DW) had no problem with my being her date. Ultimately she gave up on finding a man and used a service which is how she ended up with a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I doubt it. About 3 months after we were married, my husbands ex wife asked him to meet her and their son for a weekend trip in a third destination (not their state nor ours). Her reasoning was the son needed to see his dad. My husband offered to fly him up that weekend and she declined. It has never happened before or since then (we are years past this now) and I seriously think she just had a momentary lapse of like, being in denial he had actually remarried. It was very odd and I was bothered by it of course and my husband did not seriously consider it but he did put careful thought into how to let her know that was inappropriate and never going to happen without upsetting her/making a big deal about it. It was definitely weird though, we had been together 3 years by that point and the divorce was well and over. Like I said, I think she was in a weird place once we actually married.


This is different than OP situation. Personally I don't think it's very inappropriate, but my ex and I do family trips like this all the time. We're modern like that.

I don't think it is an issue of being "modern" or "non-modern." My ex is a decent person in most ways, and certainly a good dad. I'm happy to have a family dinner together, or do a local outing with the 3 of us, and we do all those things. But I'm not spending hundreds of dollars to go on an out of state trip with him. I'm sure he'd be perfectly nice and not expect or want anything inappropriate to happen, but that just isn't how I want to spend my limited financial resources.

I'm the PP who wrote that. It actually is and was inappropriate just as OP's situation is. A dinner with ex spouses and kid after a baseball game? Fine. A weekend away while the new spouse stays home? Weird and wrong. No remarried spouse is going to do that with an ex, just like no remarried spouse will attend an event with an ex as a date and expect new spouse to be okay with it. There's things that are normal to do and aren't. A weekend away if neither of you are remarried could work for some people but when one is remarried it's a big fat no. As is attending events as dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he was a good man - he would have said no immediately, and then would not have burdened you with it.

But now you know. You know because he wants you to know. He enjoys this game.

+ 1

Good point. OP, tread carefully. Your husband does not sound like he is in love with your and fully committed to you. He should have said no immediately, not told you he is considering it. The fact that he told you and is thinking it over suggests that he is testing you and looking for a certain reaction.

+2

[Anonymous]

Flip. The genders, if a DW was asked by a very serious exBF to go a work event with him, the responses would,be so different. And this has been asked before and it's just a,axing to see the hypocrisy here.

[Anonymous]

She wants to shine at the event. Evidently, your DH is a good guy to have at an event. She's focused on looking good at work. She didn't think through how inappropriate it is to have asked. I laugh and call it an oopsie!

DH isn't considering it because he secretly is holding on to the relationship. He also probably knows she sucks solo and in their relationship may have relied on his charisma or prestige at these sorts of functions. He's not a bad guy for considering it.

I just wonder how the hell they would get around the whole, "didn't you two used to be married?" thing. That's so very, very odd, unless they are in the same industry. Even then, how to you keep table talk or cocktail chat away from that elephant in the room?

Nah, he can't go. But, again, try not to think ill of him. He knows she's lame in these situations.

Does he hear you when you tell him how inappropriate it is? I mean, that's the only thing that matters here.

[Anonymous]

I'm an ex wife and I can see being desperate enough to want to ask, but agree that it's inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

OP here, she wouldn't say what kind of work event it is, but DH finally declined the invitation. I'm livid it took him so long!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, she wouldn't say what kind of work event it is, but DH finally declined the invitation. I'm livid it took him so long!

That is odd that she wouldn't give details about the work event. What excuse did your DH give? Hopefully didn't mention you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your DH a pisces by any chance?

Why do you ask?