DH's ex wife asked him to accompany her to a work event

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing XW wants him back and is testing the waters. If his answer was hell no, she's know that you guys are doing well. Now she has her answer and a possible shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does she really need a date at all?

Seriously. What archaic event is this? She should be able to come alone, or bring a male or female friend, or yeah....just go alone!

Again this.

Does she have no friend or family member closer to her in life that she can bring along? Pathetic if her closest friend is an ex from years ago. And WHY would she need to bring someone. What IS this event!?

[Anonymous]

He should have immediately said no. I'm engaged, and I'd never ever cheat...a bunch of people I play ball with were all going to someone's wedding and several teammates asked me if I'd attend the wedding (I wasn't myself invited) with another male on my team (I'm female) just as friends so we could all be there. I still didn't think it was right or respectful to do that and completely improper for someone in a relationship to attend an event as a "date." Regardless of anyone's intentions, the appearance would be very suspect and improper and your husband should have immediately realized that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her job is having some kind of event and she asked him to be her date. I'm not pissed off that she asked, I'm pissed off that DH is actually considering it! I'm sure there are other men she can ask, why my husband? I'm not trying to be petty, but I'm close! I can't believe DH didn't flat out tell her no! Ugh, idiot! Sorry, I needed to vent!

Op you know how people say there where never signs of the bad things to come, this is your sign to not ignore. You should be more worried than angry that your husband is considering it.

+ 1

This is a husband problem, not an ex wife problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was a good man - he would have said no immediately, and then would not have burdened you with it.

But now you know. You know because he wants you to know. He enjoys this game.

+ 1

Good point. OP, tread carefully. Your husband does not sound like he is in love with your and fully committed to you. He should have said no immediately, not told you he is considering it. The fact that he told you and is thinking it over suggests that he is testing you and looking for a certain reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no I wasn't the other woman before they divorced. They divorced about four years ago and they split because DH was unhappy and fell out of love with her.

That's it right there - people don't just "fall out of love" unless there was some unreasonable thing like abuse, addiction, or aduktery with no remorse - they really had no reason to divorce. He just sees marriage and commitment as a big grey area.

That's ridiculous. People falll out of love, for no good reason all the time.

[Anonymous]

Is your DH a pisces by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no I wasn't the other woman before they divorced. They divorced about four years ago and they split because DH was unhappy and fell out of love with her.

That's it right there - people don't just "fall out of love" unless there was some unreasonable thing like abuse, addiction, or aduktery with no remorse - they really had no reason to divorce. He just sees marriage and commitment as a big grey area.

That's ridiculous. People falll out of love, for no good reason all the time.

Of course people "fall out of love" but my point is it's not a reason to divorce. You stick it out then you fall back in love. The marriage vows don't say "unless I sooner "fall out of love with you.'" Therefore the guy who divorced for this thin reason shows he has an equivocal view of his vows with the new wife.

[Anonymous]

You "fall back in love"? LMFAO...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe he's now happy and has fallen back in love with her.
or he's unhappy and fallen out of love with you.
you married a flake.

+1
he already showed he's the type to walk when the butterflies stop fluttering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no I wasn't the other woman before they divorced. They divorced about four years ago and they split because DH was unhappy and fell out of love with her.

That's it right there - people don't just "fall out of love" unless there was some unreasonable thing like abuse, addiction, or aduktery with no remorse - they really had no reason to divorce. He just sees marriage and commitment as a big grey area.

That's ridiculous. People falll out of love, for no good reason all the time.

Of course people "fall out of love" but my point is it's not a reason to divorce. You stick it out then you fall back in love. The marriage vows don't say "unless I sooner "fall out of love with you.'" Therefore the guy who divorced for this thin reason shows he has an equivocal view of his vows with the new wife.

You really have problems taking perspective and/or very little life experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no I wasn't the other woman before they divorced. They divorced about four years ago and they split because DH was unhappy and fell out of love with her.

That's it right there - people don't just "fall out of love" unless there was some unreasonable thing like abuse, addiction, or aduktery with no remorse - they really had no reason to divorce. He just sees marriage and commitment as a big grey area.

That's ridiculous. People falll out of love, for no good reason all the time.

Of course people "fall out of love" but my point is it's not a reason to divorce. You stick it out then you fall back in love. The marriage vows don't say "unless I sooner "fall out of love with you.'" Therefore the guy who divorced for this thin reason shows he has an equivocal view of his vows with the new wife.

You really have problems taking perspective and/or very little life experience.

I think the person immediately above your post gets it. The guy walks when the butterflies stop fluttering. I've got a ton of life experience including living through my wife's mid life crisis "falling out of love" affair with co worker cancer. Children. I've pretty much seen and lived through a lot. Falling out of love is bullshit. And it's what weak people say. People who are looking for the next better thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You "fall back in love"? LMFAO...

Ha ha. But he loved the ex wife once. What's so special or different with the new one. Especially after she gets some mileage under her belt.

[Anonymous]

I doubt it. About 3 months after we were married, my husbands ex wife asked him to meet her and their son for a weekend trip in a third destination (not their state nor ours). Her reasoning was the son needed to see his dad. My husband offered to fly him up that weekend and she declined. It has never happened before or since then (we are years past this now) and I seriously think she just had a momentary lapse of like, being in denial he had actually remarried. It was very odd and I was bothered by it of course and my husband did not seriously consider it but he did put careful thought into how to let her know that was inappropriate and never going to happen without upsetting her/making a big deal about it. It was definitely weird though, we had been together 3 years by that point and the divorce was well and over. Like I said, I think she was in a weird place once we actually married.


This is different than OP situation. Personally I don't think it's very inappropriate, but my ex and I do family trips like this all the time. We're modern like that.

I don't think it is an issue of being "modern" or "non-modern." My ex is a decent person in most ways, and certainly a good dad. I'm happy to have a family dinner together, or do a local outing with the 3 of us, and we do all those things. But I'm not spending hundreds of dollars to go on an out of state trip with him. I'm sure he'd be perfectly nice and not expect or want anything inappropriate to happen, but that just isn't how I want to spend my limited financial resources.

[Anonymous]

Are they in the same field of work, or is there some other reason she would ask your DH? I guess it depends. My DH went to a college alumni event with his ex wife (they went to the same university) and I didn't have an issue with it. But his ex is also a nice woman that we have both occasionally socialized with together on a few occasions (she came to a cookout at our house and one of DS's birthday parties with a guy she was dating at the time), and they have been divorced for a really long time. I feel very sure she is not interested in getting back together with DH.